Up & Down Relationship With Colleague

dancing_star

I've been the colleague with eating disorders and can recognise the unpredictable behaviour. I'll stick to discussing this element as I can't really advise on the rest of it.

As Ripply says, many people with EDs and mental health issues will behave completely normally. But manydon't.

I was probably a bit like your colleague in some respects. Not in the same way, and not to that degree. But my reaction to other people, whether I was friendly or would rather not talk to people, probably depended on what was going on in my head. I could swing from kind and thoughtful to silent and outwardly angry, although I was never angry with others, just myself, it probably appeared differently to other people.

It's worth remembering that eating disorders affect ability to concentrate, and decision making and cognitive abilities. You're not firing on all cylinders and your brain doesn't work properly all the time. If you are dehydrated and your levels of salt and certain minerals, for example, get messed up, it can have effects on the brain function. Similar to how urinary tract infections can give similar symptoms to dementia in older people. And that is without the added complication of your mind not being on work, it's on the self hatred and obsession with food.

The eating disorders charity, Beat, has excellent advice leaflets and from memory there is one relating to eating disorders in the workplace.

I don't know what you should do about it all, so no practical advice, but I will have a think on it. I posted because I thought the above might explain (but not excuse) her behaviour. I must have been a nightmare to work with. Good luck.

onlyroz

Just be polite regardless of her mood, chat if she wants to, and get on with your job.

Fireflyaway

I'd speak to her directly. Going to hr with no warning could make your relationship worse or be really upsetting for her if she is already fragile. You have known each other for a while and spend a lot of time together so I think a direct approach could work. She might open up. She might not realise she is upsetting you. Or... She could tell you to mind your business! Worth a try though. As for the touching leggings. Don't. Regardless of her state, its not professional and could backfire.
This reminds me of a manager I worked with. One day she would be all smiles and start chatting, the next she would ignore you and just grunt when someone said hello. I didn't realise at the time her husband was having an affair and her parents had virtually disowned her because she stayed. Hard to keep up a good attitude when stuff is going on. Not that you should have to put up with it mind! Good luck.

dancing_star

https://www.b-eat.co.uk/about-eating-disorders/leaflet-library/5504-enei-guide-for-employers-eating-disorders-in-the-workplace
Try this link about eating disorders in the workplace. There's also advice on the Beat website about how to talk to someone you're worried about.

Even if OP chooses not to approach the subject, it may be of use to some one else. The link of what not to say is particularly good.

-taff

DOn't apeak to her anymore, If she asks why, tell her she's unpredicatable and you are wary of being nice, for fear of being snapped at as you have been in the past.
Then don't talk to her anymore.
She's not your problem, you work there, not for her.

BarryBlue

I am a great believer in the fact that you go to work in order to work. The other people there are your colleagues, not your friends, as you get no choice in who you work with. Keeping things on a purely professional basis is the way forward.

Getting involved in the personal issues of colleagues is an absolute no-no. People you don't really know can be unpredictable and, given how HR are these days, can cause trouble you don't see coming. You can be polite and pleasant with colleagues, but always keep your distance, physically and metaphorically. Their problems are not your problems.

rach_k

It sounds like she is struggling and she is lucky that you're the one with her - I've known plenty of people who would react to that kind of behaviour aggressively and cause a massive problem. For the day-to-day aspect, I'd just keep on being nice. Don't react to her 'bad' behaviour (try not to take it personally) so it doesn't progress into anything worse, but respond to her as you would any other person when she's being nice. It might not change her but at least you'll know you're doing the right thing.

Aside from that, if it's possible to speak privately but informally to her manager I would do that. It may be that your employer can offer support services in a subtle way (a few extra posters up about their offering?). They should probably also be aware that she can be unpredictable - imagine if they moved somebody else next to you two who didn't take it as well as you? They should know about it. In fact, maybe they already do and HAVE made allowances - they sat you with her and nobody else, after all! I also think it's a good idea to mention it for your own protection, just on the off chance.

Mojisola

HeavyMetalFan wrote: »

She'll also say things like "have a feel of my new leggings/tights"

This is inappropriate - I hope you don't actually take her up on her offer!

I would distance myself from her moods - they are her moods and nothing personal to you - you're both there to work so just get on with it apart from basic politeness.

tesuhoha

Personally, I would carry on being nice to her in a colleague way when she is being nice but as soon as she switches just withdraw completely and ignore her. As someone else said she is not a friend and you shouldn't put up with her rubbish. Treat her a bit like someone would treat a naughty toddler having a tantrum.

System

-taff wrote: »

DOn't apeak to her anymore, If she asks why, tell her she's unpredicatable and you are wary of being nice, for fear of being snapped at as you have been in the past.
Then don't talk to her anymore.
She's not your problem, you work there, not for her.

You cant do that! Talk about creating a drama for yourself!