Up & Down Relationship With Colleague

paddy's_mum

HeavyMetalFan wrote: »

I don't think an employer can force someone to be friendly with their colleague!

No but they do have a duty to protect you from such an unpleasant and stressful working environment as many a result of an Employment Tribunal has proved!

Sometimes the only way an employer can relieve a difficult situation is to 'promote' someone out of it but if you won't say, they can't know. Good luck.

-taff

Judi wrote: »

You cant do that! Talk about creating a drama for yourself!

Can't what? Can't not speak to her? That's not a drama at all. It's avoiding drama.

svain

Emotionally and in terms of professional relationship I would run a mile. She obviously has issues or enjoys the attention. Neither are your problem

HeavyMetalFan

Thanks to everyone for their responses.

Situation has continued in the same vein this week as expected. I definitely couldn't (and wouldn't) go to HR, and I don't think I can really raise the issue with her as I wouldn't want to turn a decent mood into a bad one!

I think I can only deal with the situation as best as possible and accept there will be ok days and overcast days. I am not looking to be friends outside of work or exchange phone numbers but just to get on work. Saying that, I have told about my own weight problems in my late teens as I thought it might be a bit of common ground but she just said "right" as in why the chuff are you telling me this and turned away. Waste of time.

I suppose you can't get on with everyone in life.

dancing_star

I hope it is bearable for you HMF.

Just a thought, I know you were trying to help with the weight problems chat, but Beat (and I, as a sufferer) would advise not talking about weight or appearance to someone with an ED. Take the focus away from it. Also if she doesn't want to disclose, then she might feel got at, or under pressure.

I'm not telling you off for being insensitive, as you weren't to know! Have you read the Beat info I linked to earlier? You might find it useful. For other mental health issues there are other websites which might help explain things from the sufferer's point of view.

Just that I do get very very uncomfortable and turn away myself when someone mentions weight, including at work. I just try and change the subject (no one in my current workplace knows about my history).

Sorry it's difficult for you. Work takes up a lot of your life to be constantly walking on eggshells.

NBLondon

I don't like being cynical - but protect your back a bit. A quiet word with a trusted manager "Do you think X is alright - she's very up and down?" comes before HR. Are the colleagues at the not-so-nearby desks noticing? Does she ever talk to other colleagues when making tea, arriving in the building etc.?


I once had a minor version of this - a female colleague who was chatty and wanting to be friends one day and then not speaking to anyone the next. I don't think there was any ED or related issues, maybe it was just dependent on how the previous day/night had been at home - but it was a constant irritation when added to her lack of basic courtesy viz. walking up to people and launching straight into a question or conversation without even asking if she could interrupt what they were doing and thinking that "please" and "thank you" were rationed.

gabriel1980

I have a very similar problem, but with a male colleague (I am also male) sometimes he's very chatty about all sorts of things and other times he sits there sullen and silent and can be a complete d**k.


I think the best idea is to let them initiate conversation, otherwise keep to strictly work talk.

caprikid1

OP - Speak to HR. You need to realise this girl is an emotional loose cannon and could aim both barrels at HR with your name on it.


You cannot assume anything rational about this girl. Seriously priority No1 is get this behaviour documented raise your concerns.


Nothing needs to be said to her and I would certainly strong advise against it.


This type of individual is extremely dangerous, especially when suggesting physical contact. She sounds exactly like a girl I have worked with for 10 years in every way. More issues than you can shake a stick at and you will be the one to blame if she has a bad day.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

In nearly all jobs, at some point, you're going to have to work with and/or for people you don't get on with, or actively dislike. All you can do is approach this with professional detachment ie always saying good morning/have a good weekend regardless of whether it's reciprocated, and remaining polite and neutral. Some colleagues can become friends, but mostly they're people you're obliged to sit near.

Some employers might be supportive if they knew about her mental health issues, in other cases it might work against her. You'll have to use your judgement here, perhaps having a word with a trusted colleague to see what they think. Certainly don't get involved with HR unless the issues are consistently affecting your work, and you can quantify this with dates and details.

I seem to have had jobs that result in my being surrounded by "characters", so I'm used to colleagues being moody, erratic or downright odd.

Rosieandjim

This sounds familiar there are always going to be people with yo yo mood swings in every walk of work life. It is how you deal with it that matters. Also please take note of what you were advised re touching DONT ever go there as it only takes one accusation to ruin your life.