The I Don't love you any more chat...

Pollycat

toniq wrote: »

I might be seeing this wrong but she sent 175 texts to some fella and has told you she doesn't love you.

She has had a massive ego boost from Mr Texter and maybe it's made her think she gets a buzz out of her thing with him but not with you.

If things were that bad she could have left years ago, strange she waits till there is 175 texts a day going to Mr texter to say all this.

We all get into a rut, I don't think it's fair for her to unleash the I don't love you bomb when she is obviously friendly with another fella and blame that on you.

I see it a different way.

The OP's wife has been taken for granted for quite a few years.
She appears to have broached this subject numerous times resulting in a temporary behaviour change by the OP which never lasted long.

If the OP had changed his behaviour - which he freely admits was wrong - and maintained that change, there would probably not be a bloke in the background for her to text 175 times in a day.

From what I've read, it's not the wife at fault here.

I've got that T shirt.
'I know where I went wrong. I'll change....' yada yada
Sometimes it's just too late.

toniq

But isn't that like condoning an affair?

175 test is pretty full on it isn't just a bit of friendly how's your day stuff.

Isn't it just shifting the blame for her behaviour?

If a man did this this forum would be full of LTB comments.

Every relationship gets stale at some stage doesn't mean you go full on with Mr texter.

Interesting how we can see this at literally 2 polar opposites.

Hippo

removed msg

Angry_Bear

toniq wrote: »

But isn't that like condoning an affair?

175 test is pretty full on it isn't just a bit of friendly how's your day stuff.

Isn't it just shifting the blame for her behaviour?

If a man did this this forum would be full of LTB comments.

Every relationship gets stale at some stage doesn't mean you go full on with Mr texter.

Interesting how we can see this at literally 2 polar opposites.

That's not how I read the OP - I read it that she told him she didn't love him and that he should leave and that AFTER that the texts to this guy ramped up.
I would never condone an affair, I'd always say "if you're not happy, then end it before starting something else". That exactly what I took from the OP that his wife has done - but the timeline isn't really clear so who can say.

System

toniq wrote: »

But isn't that like condoning an affair?

175 test is pretty full on it isn't just a bit of friendly how's your day stuff.

Isn't it just shifting the blame for her behaviour?

If a man did this this forum would be full of LTB comments.

Every relationship gets stale at some stage doesn't mean you go full on with Mr texter.

Interesting how we can see this at literally 2 polar opposites.

No one condones what she has done. I dont anyway.

toniq

Hippo wrote: »

You are right. Had I changed my behaviour then there would be no bloke. I know that. He is there simply because I didn't treat her right, nor as an equal.

As I said. I realise my mistakes and just want a chance to put things right. We are talking to eachother in a calm manner.

Give you your dues you acknowledge you could have done more.

Sad it took such a drastic thing but sometimes it's the cold realization of it being close to an end to make you wake up.

You sound sincere, hope you can both work through this, if it's worth fighting for keep fighting.

Hopefully it wont be too little too late.

Hope the counselling works and puts you both in the same direction and you can both work through this.

Hard_Up_Hester

I'm not condoning your wife's behaviour but neither do I blame her.

My ex questioned our grown up children about my reasons for leaving, they explained that I had been unhappy and they also knew I had told him many times.

His reply was that he thought I was just having a whinge because 'that's what women do'.

Pollycat

toniq wrote: »

But isn't that like condoning an affair?

I'm not condoning anything.
According to the OP, he doesn't believe there is an affair.
He believes they are good friends.
It sounds to me that the texts from John to the OP's wife are supportive - probably as a result of the OP checking her phone.

175 test is pretty full on it isn't just a bit of friendly how's your day stuff.

I agree.
I might need 175 supportive texts if I'd finally decided I'd had enough of not being appreciated by my OH for years, despite trying to get him to see reason.

Isn't it just shifting the blame for her behaviour?

I can see where the blame lies - imo.

If a man did this this forum would be full of LTB comments.

I would have replied in exactly the same way regardless of the sex of the OP.

Every relationship gets stale at some stage doesn't mean you go full on with Mr texter.

Agreed.
So you try to sort it out.
You tell your OH you're fed up with being taken for granted.
Fed up with him leaving everything for you to do.
And it doesn't work, year after year after year.
Enter Mr Texter - who the OP acknowledges is a friend

Interesting how we can see this at literally 2 polar opposites.

Yes, isn't it.

Responses in red.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I don't think that refusing to leave, checking her phone and having a go at her for talking to somebody else is going to have helped her fall back in love with you again. Nor is refusing to leave and making her go through the motions of counselling if she's got decades of not feeling cared for to kill her love. From my point of view, if I'd been driven to the point of saying those words, not only would there be absolutely no going back, somebody doing that would have been hoyed out the front door faster than they could say 'it's because you've met another man/not my fault in the slightest, isn't it?'

But counselling might be good and help patch things up, or it could help you reach the end of the line in a slightly more civilised way than some couples do.

PeacefulWaters

You need to be prepared for the possibility that there's more than an emotional affair been going on.

The ex-Mrs PW managed to exchange an impressive 12,000 messages with somebody over two weeks!