The I Don't love you any more chat...

Hippo

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amistupid

I hate unhappy endings. I hope you sort things out and rekindle your relationship.

PeacefulWaters

Good luck.

Counselling may or may jot not save the marriage but it should help you to understand her feelings and your feelings better.

And if things don't work out you can honestly say to yourself and your kids that you tried.

Hard_Up_Hester

Sorry but you may just have to suck it up and get on with the rest of your life without her.
My ex was the same, he suddenly tried to save our marriage by treating me better, but it was too little too late.
I left anyway!

Angry_Bear

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

Sorry but you may just have to suck it up and get on with the rest of your life without her.
My ex was the same, he suddenly tried to save our marriage by treating me better, but it was too little too late.
I left anyway!

^^ This.
Your wife has tried a few times to make you see how unhappy she was, but for whatever reason you didn't appreciate how serious it was. There's a very good chance that resentment has killed her feelings towards you and that there's no going back for her. Counselling is always worth a try if she's willing, but try to be realistic.

Also, I think you need to think about your boundaries - 3.5 weeks ago she told you she doesn't love you and wants to end your marriage - I understand the temptation but you shouldn't be checking her phone, calls, trying to get into her Facebook etc. If it really is over for her, then this is none of your business, and if somehow she can find her feelings for you again she will always be hurt that your immediate instinct was to try to find a reason to "blame" her.

Pollycat

If you want to have any chance of the counselling to work, you need to try to stop negative feelings about her motives.

From what you've posted, you've treated her badly emotionally and ignored all her 'I'm not happy' noises.

TBH, I don't think your chance of saving your marriage is very high but Good Luck with it.

ripplyuk

Counselling is well worth it, either way. They aren't going to try to change how your wife feels but they'll help you both find an amicable way forward, especially with children involved.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife gave you many warnings, and her feelings for you waned when she wasn't listened to. That's kind of inevitable.

Checking her phone and messages was a really, really bad idea. You can't blame this other guy for your relationship ending. It would have been better if you'd acknowledged to your wife that you have taken her for granted, and owned it. Now she'll be adding to her list that you're untrustworthy. If it was me, that would now end any chance of rekindling the marriage.

LannieDuck

I'm not sure what you want from this forum. It sounds as if your wife has been trying to work on your marriage for quite some time and you haven't. Now she's moving on, which is pretty inevitable.

She's agreed to counselling, which is a good sign. Whether you take the opportunity to discover if there's still a way to save the marriage is really up to you. My advice? Stop checking up on her and start communicating properly.

Hippo

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System

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

Sorry but you may just have to suck it up and get on with the rest of your life without her.
My ex was the same, he suddenly tried to save our marriage by treating me better, but it was too little too late.
I left anyway!

I agree OP you did too little too late. She needed more than you gave her. She found a friendship that she didnt have with you.

Marriage has to be worked on. Well a good marriage anyway. I just hope you havent left it too late.

toniq

I might be seeing this wrong but she sent 175 texts to some fella and has told you she doesn't love you.

She has had a massive ego boost from Mr Texter and maybe it's made her think she gets a buzz out of her thing with him but not with you.

If things were that bad she could have left years ago, strange she waits till there is 175 texts a day going to Mr texter to say all this.

We all get into a rut, I don't think it's fair for her to unleash the I don't love you bomb when she is obviously friendly with another fella and blame that on you.