Not saying thank you for presents!

Racklen

i was brought up to thank when gifts are exchanged and on xmas and birthdays we would have to ring up my grandparents and thank them and have a chat about what we got and who got us what .

and now with all the technology most of my family in local ish and have a neice in wales, we have the internet & messenger to send thank yous and even a text message is an instant thanks that can put an instant smile on the givers of the gifts face even if they are 100 miles away.

i do like to be thanked for my gifts either face to face, by text, email or phone

interesting read this thread took me back to when i was a kid and my grandma bought me thank you notelets one xmas ( and yes i did send them mainly to her.though)

BabyElephant

We were brought up to express thanks for presents (be that written or verbal) and when we got to 16 years of age we were told that our aunts & uncles wouldn't buy presents for us unless we did for them. I didn't have a problem with this and we exchanged presents every year. Thing is while I was still sending thank you notes (because I never saw my aunts & uncles, the presents were passed on by my parents) I never got a thank you back... It was like "you're the younger generation and we're the older generation we don't need to thank you"... it still annoys me today because I feel it should go both ways!

charlottesmummy

I get my 9 year old daughter to make cards, then she sticks thank you peel off in and pops in a little line saying 'for the gift from Charlotte', it was her birthday last month and it took us the whole weekend to make all the thank you's but because she was making them instead of writing lots she enjoyed it and she has had a few lovely comments about the cards.

if I expected her to write letters I doubt anyone would ever get them. I don't blame her though hated writing them as a child. I am almost pleased to have Charlotte now as she does all the Christmas ones for us all so I only have to do my own birthday ;-)

lellie

I've started to feel guilty because I always used to write notes - without fail.. then I went to uni and although I still got presents I just never had the time to write - I would try and thank by phone though.. I also have the problem that I don't have addresses for any of my extended family/family friends!! I know I should find the time but as the years have gone on I've just kinda stopped - doesn't help my OH has never ever done thank you letters for anything.

3KIDSNOMONEY

I have always taught my kids to write thank you notes and they actually enjoy doing it on the computer. Think we have only ever not done it once when i was under particular pressure and didn't get chance.

Really annoys me when people don't say thanks, my MIL is awful for this and i really feel like not buying anything, especially as i try to put lots of effort into what i buy. We see them on xmas day and she still doesn't say thanks. Just bad manners.

Nenen

Whilst I empathise with your irritation to a large extent and, like you, I really appreciate good manners and wouldn't dream of not at least saying thank you for anything I received however small; I do have some difficulty with the concept of refusing to give anything else to someone if they don't say thank you.

Children's manners are almost exclusively determined by the attitudes and role model of their parents and it seems a little harsh to penalise your neices and nephews for their parents failure to instil this discipline in them. When I was growing up, my godfather always gave me money for Christmas and birthdays but told me quite openly that if I didn't write and say thank you (despite saying thank you verbally when he gave it to me) then next year the amount would be halved. My mother, in an attempt to appease him (as he was rich and she was hoping for some inheritence for herself) always insisted I wrote a thank you letter to him in order to get money next year and 'keep him sweet'. However, she never bothered about me writing to thank my much poorer (but far more loving) grandparents or aunts and uncles for their presents. It seemed wrong to me to be taught that I only wrote a thank you so that I would get another present next time and I felt almost bullied into it. As I got older I realised just how money-grabbing and hypocritical that position was and also felt that my godfather wasn't giving me something because he loved me but as some kind of 'power game'. Like Kethry's earlier post it became a family issue and has never really been resolved.

Perhaps you could try putting a little note in with the present saying you really hope they like the present and would they please let you know it arrived safely with a quick postcard/email/text message. Perhaps that would kickstart things. An even less subtle hint would be to put in an SAE and ask them to return it to you so that you could be sure the present arrived!;)

Teddy_Jones

I agree it is a real pet hate of mine too especially with child relatives and gifts that you send in the post. For the last 3 years since my husband and I have been married I have been sending my nieces and nephews gifts for both b'day and christmas and I never even get an acknowkledgement it has been received, it drives me insane!

If I stopped sending them things I know they would never even notice but their parents would and it would cause untold problems!!

I still send thank you notes now at 33 it is something my parents insisted on from a very early age.

Sarahjovi

I used to shop for 18 Nephews and Neices for christmas presents, but I used to try and buy something nice for a couple of pounds each! Either a book or a novelty etc., Its amazing what you can get if you shop around. Out of all the children, only one lot would phone and and thank me for their pressies, so I continued to buy for them and gradually dropped off some of the others as they got older or we didn't see them and when we had our own kids their parents didn't buy for mine, so I didn't buy for theirs anymore. Last year I bought for 2 lots, but didn't receive any thanks or presents for my kids, so this year I'm not buying for any of theirs. Its a shame really because I used enjoy finding little knick knacks etc.,

Sarah

Sea78

I was brought up writing thank you letters - it was just what the whole family did!

Now, I ensure I thank people for my presents and presents for the kids - Sophia signs her own name now as she can write, I just sign Williams or let him have a little scribble if he wants.

I don't expect a written thank you, but do expect some thank you , whether it's at the time of opening, if with them, or when I next see them or over the phone etc.

Sea xx

scuzz

I used to hate having to phone people to say thank you, purely because I was very shy and didn't know these people, so used to write thank you notes in stead. But even after parties at school, all my friends would receive thank you notes for presents

My Nan recently stopped sending birthday money to her neighbours three grandchildren - who she hardly knows. Every year, she'd send £5 to each of them (I think £15 a year on someone else's kids who're not related or actually anything to do with you is more than enough). She never got a thank you, and once her neighbour turned round and said "what's the point in sending a child £5? What can they possibly get with that?" :mad: Well that was the last straw and the money stopped. I was livid when I heard that. She used to give me smellies - personally I'd rather have the £5 it cost her to buy them, as they were always a smell I hate, they used to be passed on to my Mum. BUT I still said thank you. After all, it's the thought that counts