Feel like such an idiot....

hazyjo

I kissed someone at work once after being very good friends, he asked to take me out again, but then he got scared and slammed the brakes on. Sometimes people just react that way automatically. He told me some years later that he regretted not taking it further (we're still best friends at work and are velcroed to each other's sides at just about every function, and go out together occasionally as friends). Nothing has happened since.


Try to carry on as normal and be open to a date of sorts. It doesn't have to be 'get drunk at the next work do and go back to his'. Something light and chilled and short - like a lunch or something. Even if it's just the caf! - doesn't have to be a pub or restaurant. Say you're out that night and want to have a decent lunch.


Get chatting and see if you think there's any future in it.


I'd be peed off in your shoes as it sounds like he's given mixed signals, but it doesn't mean it's never going to work. He could just have panicked.


Nothing wrong with relationships at work. Several of our Partners (at least four out of 20-ish) are married, engaged or living with people who either still work here or have worked here in the past, and there have been many other relationships between staff members - I think we're slightly unusual in that respect, but it's worked okay here!


Jx

Izadora

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

OP - as others have said, there's no need to feel embarrassed. If you wanted to be friends with him in the first place then carry on with the friendship without expecting it to turn into anything more.

sleepymans

Unless you are comfortable being his "comfort" woman then maybe wait till he has resolved his split entirely.

`i fear you may end up feeling "used" otherwise.
I tend to veer away from work related relationships, but wouldn't rule it out completely but please make very sure you can deal/cope with any possible negative fall out.
Best of Luck

time030217

Thanks hazyjo - I think that is my main problem - I feel like I am getting mixed signals. We already meet at least once a week for lunch and text a lot. I also hope I know him well enough that it was not just that he wanted sex.


I think with the circumstances from both our previous relationships still being resolved and working together, then it does make things really difficult. We are still chatting as friends and what will be, will be....

tesuhoha

Bogalot wrote: »

Comments like this should be left in the 80s!

I'm sure OP has far more appealing attributes than wearing nice clothes and putting on a face of make up.

I don't think you get it. Its about sticking a finger up at him, taking pride in your appearance and showing him that you are not upset by him, that you are indifferent. Its showing that you care about yourself and put yourself first. If you go into the office wearing a tatty cardigan and baggy trousers or something and no make up its a sign that he has brought you down, that he has affected you adversely.

The best way to be is bright, breezy, confident and well turned out in spite of everything.

Person_one

tesuhoha wrote: »

I don't think you get it. Its about sticking a finger up at him, taking pride in your appearance and showing him that you are not upset by him, that you are indifferent. Its showing that you care about yourself and put yourself first. If you go into the office wearing a tatty cardigan and baggy trousers or something and no make up its a sign that he has brought you down, that he has affected you adversely.

The best way to be is bright, breezy, confident and well turned out in spite of everything.

Good god, is this for real?

svain

Person_one wrote: »

Good god, is this for real?

Why wouldnt it be?? .... Why is it wrong, i dont get it

EmeraldEye

Hahahahaha at some of the advice already given!

OK so you had sex with a work colleague after the two of you started to bond over the last number of months; Both of you have in recent times come out of long term relationships; Since having sex he has backed off and you're not sure where you stand.

Hmmm, it's not that big of a dilemma and I think perhaps you (and some of the other posters) are very much blowing things out of proportion massively - You had sex with him, end of.

If he decides that he wants to make things more serious then he will but if he thinks it's not for him it's hardly a heartbreaking situation, you barely know the fella outside of the working environment in all fairness.

There's no reason to avoid him, or to make yourself more appealing and there is most definitely NO REASON to quit your job. I also would strongly advise that you don't bombard him with questions about what happens next or ask him silly things like "Do you regret sleeping with me?", you really don't want to sound insecure or desperate.

Just hang fire, chill, don't expect, let things progress naturally, if it's meant to be it will. Equally if he distances himself and doesn't want to be with you, leave it at that without dramatics and move on BUT NOT FROM YOUR JOB, (The poster who suggested you should quit your job is obviously a comedian).

Good Luck!

Loft_Boy

time030217 wrote: »

So I ended up spending the night with a work colleague last week - we have been friends for several months and have gradually been getting closer and closer supporting each other through messy break ups (mine 2 years ago, his just over a year ago).


I thought it was what we both wanted but he's not sure he is ready for a relationship...we both have a lot going on (divorces and custody arrangements etc) but it's really hard seeing him every day.


Has anyone been in a similar situation or got any wise words to offer....thanks

Back about 10 years ago.now when I was a fresh faced 27 year old I moved jobs. Was with my ex at the time who I was endlessly splitting up with getting back together and met a girl at work. Whilst on a break with my ex me and said girl got.together one night. She went a bit weird on me so it was left at that although we still got on. After 12 months there i left went to.another company and still used to see her and others from that work place from time to.time for drinks etc. Split up with my ex for.good end on 2009 got a.new.job and lo and behold when I joined the girl.from.my.old.workplace had got a job there as well. 10 months later we got together after a night out.

Fast forward to now we are happily married with two kids.

Sometimes these things due.to.circumstance take.time give it a bit of space and time and wait and see

FBaby

Having spoken to a number of male friends in this situation, it often goes something along the lines of:
'there's this girl at work, she's nice and we have a good laugh together, I can tell she likes me'
'oh, have you thought about taking it further?'
'ummm, that's the problem, I like her, she makes me feel good after all the cr*p. Unlike X, she seems honest and reliable, but well.... I'm not too sure I'm really into her'.
'what do you mean 'into her'?
'she's not really my type'
'Oh common, give the girl a chance. Chill out, relax, see how it goes, sometimes attraction grows slowly. If you like her and enjoy your time with her, give her a chance'.

days later:
'mmm, I chilled out, and we ended up in bed. It's not really what I wanted but I got a bit carried away after a few drinks, now I'm confused'.
'why confused'?
'I don't know, I'm just not sure things can evolve from being friends. I'm not sure I'm really attracted to her and I don't want to keep things up because I don't want to give her the wrong impression. I shouldn't have slept with her but I can't take things back'
'well take it easy, say that you need more time and resume the friendship to see if you do develop feelings for her'
'yeah, that's a good idea, hopefully it will but if not at least let's hope we can become good friends'.