Feel like such an idiot....

onomatopoeia99

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Maybe you saw it as a friendship moving to the next level whereas he saw it as a quick bit of fun.

Given the opening post described a friendship based on mutual support growing over several months, "a quick bit of fun" seems unlikely.

Caught up in the moment before they were ready seems more likely, to me anyway.

time030217

Thanks Onomatopoeia99 - I think it as perhaps you describe - I don't think he sees it as "a quick bit of fun" - it might be easier to accept if I felt that was all it was.

I guess I just need to take a step back and give him some time

justme111

time030217 wrote: »

I guess I just wish he had explained his feelings before.

May be you could have explained your feelings before - why it had to be him. Do not "give him time" - this expression implies you would be expecting a relationship after this "time". See him as a friend as you did before. After all you were friends for months - why sleeping together suddenly de-friended him? In my experienceit happens if one used friendship as means to get into relationship. Then once it did not work there is no point continuing. If friendship had value for you you would be happy to continue on that basis.

svain

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Find another job?! Its not going to be great seeing your colleague every day. You might feel embarrassed, a bit used or even worse if he later hooks up with someone else. Is he likely to tell people? In my experience stuff like this doesn't end well. Maybe you saw it as a friendship moving to the next level whereas he saw it as a quick bit of fun. Don't mix work with intimacy.
Might sound over the top but I probably would leave or its never going to be forgotten.

Wow ... Nothing like blowing it all out of proportion. It was just a bunk up for goodness sake. People can sleep together, not be in a relationship and still function at work.

He doesnt sound like he has given her a hard time so absolutely NO reason to find another job. That advice is worse than the "see what he is missing" that others have jumped on ... (which i thought was ok advice).

To the OP ... just act normal, no need to change or be embarrassed. Its 2017 (not 1917) and this kind of thing happens all the time in all workplaces and many happy relationships can be the result. If you are keen, then nothing wrong with reminding him how good you can look .... Blokes do it, so i dont get the issue people have with suggesting it for you. No need to be offish with him (it will just set off alarm bells ringing for him). Absolutely DO NOT try and get him to "label" what you are to him (alarm bells again). If it happens again or ideally a third time ... then thats time for that talk

He's probably finding his feet so be patient.

Person_one

suki1964 wrote: »

Seriously??????????

Why not go the whole hog and tell the op to start baking and taking in treats to the office to show they are also house trained

She could send herself flowers at work too, make him think there's some competition!

Sometimes I really miss that eye rolling smiley.

KRB2725

I would just carry on as normal, chat and behave in the same way that you did before you slept together.

Maybe you were his 'first' since his break up and it felt stranger for him than he was expecting.

Don't put any pressure on yourself or him to label what happened, enjoy it for what it was and see what the future brings.

Person_one

If he's telling you now, right after you've slept together, that he's not sure he's ready for a relationship, there's absolutely no way a relationship is ever going to come from this. Accept that completely, totally write it off, then just crack on as normal at work but keep a bit of distance from this guy until the awkwardness fades for both of you.

time030217

Just to clarify we work in completely different departments and it has not caused any problems at work.

I will of course still want to be his friend and I hope that we will continue to support each other for many months to come. I suppose the reason that I am feeling down is because I thought that this would make things stronger between us but as others have said, maybe it was too soon.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Fireflyaway

Maybe its just me but sleeping with a 'friend' ? Men and woman do view things differently a lot of the time and here is proof. He doesn't want a relationship but sleeping with you was OK?. Good that you don't work too close together I would feel used. Hopefully he won't go round telling everyone.

Ozzuk

He has been honest with you, he doesn't think he's ready. It sounds like there is still a lot going on with the previous relationship so its perfectly understandable. Maybe he wanted comfort, maybe he really likes you and couldn't stop himself, maybe its just a physical thing - nothing wrong with any of that as it doesn't sound like he dragged you into his cave kicking and screaming.

You've equated sleeping together to starting a relationship, sure that happens but often it does not. Add in its very common for first encounters after a messy relationship to not work out then maybe its time to just be friends, laugh it off, see other people and who knows if its meant to be then maybe in the future when you aren't both so vulnerable it will work out.