Feel like such an idiot....

time030217

So I ended up spending the night with a work colleague last week - we have been friends for several months and have gradually been getting closer and closer supporting each other through messy break ups (mine 2 years ago, his just over a year ago).


I thought it was what we both wanted but he's not sure he is ready for a relationship...we both have a lot going on (divorces and custody arrangements etc) but it's really hard seeing him every day.


Has anyone been in a similar situation or got any wise words to offer....thanks

tacpot12

With so much going on, you both need to feel your way through any changes. It not wrong for him to be uncertain of what he wants, or for you to want more than he does at this time, but gentle support for each other is what will help you both the most. You don't know how any of it will work out; and I know that can be frustrating, but trying to apply pressure with so much going on will tend to hinder rather than help.

I don't see how you have made an idiot of yourself. :-)

lika_86

Personally I'd withdraw a bit, give him time and space to work out if he wants to be with you. It's hard but try and just carry on as normal, maybe use it as an opportunity to spend time with other colleagues a bit more. Use this as time to get to know you and enjoy something that doesn't involve a man for a while and things will work out one way or another in the end.

marisco_2

Back right off and give him some space to think things through. In the meantime get on with your life and keep in contact with your friends.

time030217

Thank you everyone for your replies - I think part of the problem is that I've spent a lot of time over the last 2 years building my social life, making good friends at work etc, joining the gym and generally just looking after myself better. It's not that I need someone in my life but he has been the first person that I've really opened up to and I guess I just wish he had explained his feelings before.

tesuhoha

Back off and be friendly but indifferent. At the same time look your very best, wear nice clothes to work, show him what he is missing.

Proxima_Centauri

time030217 wrote: »

I've spent a lot of time over the last 2 years building my social life, making good friends at work etc

very good friends by the sound of it..!

time030217 wrote: »

So I ended up spending the night with a work colleague last week

No but seriously, I would recommend keeping work and love-life separate. I know people do sometimes meet their Significant Other through work, but it's not a good idea to be sleeping with colleagues on a casual basis, in my opinion. If things turn bad you've still got to see each other every day.

Bogalot

tesuhoha wrote: »

Back off and be friendly but indifferent. At the same time look your very best, wear nice clothes to work, show him what he is missing.

Comments like this should be left in the 80s!

I'm sure OP has far more appealing attributes than wearing nice clothes and putting on a face of make up.

suki1964

tesuhoha wrote: »

Back off and be friendly but indifferent. At the same time look your very best, wear nice clothes to work, show him what he is missing.

Seriously??????????

Why not go the whole hog and tell the op to start baking and taking in treats to the office to show they are also house trained

Fireflyaway

Find another job?! Its not going to be great seeing your colleague every day. You might feel embarrassed, a bit used or even worse if he later hooks up with someone else. Is he likely to tell people? In my experience stuff like this doesn't end well. Maybe you saw it as a friendship moving to the next level whereas he saw it as a quick bit of fun. Don't mix work with intimacy.
Might sound over the top but I probably would leave or its never going to be forgotten.

onomatopoeia99

time030217 wrote: »

It's not that I need someone in my life but he has been the first person that I've really opened up to and I guess I just wish he had explained his feelings before.

I don't hink you're an idiot. He may not have realised before that a year isn't long enough to heal, at least not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me. If you were friends before and supporting each other, then provided you both understand the situation think abut continuing on that basis. Sex does change things though, so that may be difficult.