Help- I'm drowning with debt and stuck!

debtstress78

Thank you all for the advice, you did get through to me. I realised that I can no longer go on living this lie and spoke to my husband, he has been amazing. We have decided that we need to clear the debts so he has applied for a loan to pay off all of my credit cards ( he's been accepted online but Im still so nervous it will go wrong) and as soon as the cards have been paid they're being shredded! I have been living on next to zero money for yrs so there is no way Im ever getting back into this situation again. Hoping to be debt free ( but for our mortgage) in 7 yrs!

angelpye

Well done debtstress, I have been following the thread today and hoped you would. Consolidation loans, as I am sure you are aware, are a very tempting way to get back into debt so if it was me I would cut up the cards now. You will have account numbers and phone numbers on the statements to pay them off.
At some point hubby might get a bit cross as I guess he might feel like you hadn't trusted him but its great his first reaction was that you are in it together

Now time to plan the repayment of loan and moving forward

Money_Rollercoaster

So pleased to hear you've spoken to your husband. Good luck with getting everything sorted.

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on speaking to your husband. Consolidation rarely works but in this case I am guessing your husband is good with money so does not have the bad spending habits you did? Dealing with a disabled child must be hard enough without having to deal with money worries too. Please don't use credit in the future. They are a no no for anyone on a low or restricted income. Luckily you have a solvent husband, can plan repayment of the loan and budget accordingly. Glad to hear cards are shredded. When they are paid off don't forget to close the accounts so you won't be tempted if new cards are sent when old ones expire. Good luck.

EssexHebridean

Thank goodness. I think you need to mark this one down as one to remember - you're clearly married to a man who loves you very much, so next time you think about not trusting him, or not being honest with him about something important, call this situation back to mind and remind yourself how wrong you were. Your feeling of relief today must be incredible!

Definitely cut the cards up immediately - as someone else says you don't need the cards themselves to pay the accounts off and the longer they are in your purse the more tempting it is to spend on them. Get them shredded! Once the accounts are paid off and you've had a final bill stating a zero balance then it is sensible to write and close the accounts too - otherwise in due course they will send you new cards!

I'd also strongly suggest putting together an SOA (statement of Affairs) to put a solid household budget in place. If it all adds up then great - if not you know that you have some tweaking to do. If it shows a surplus of money each month then make sure you have that surplus, and if you don;t, start tracking spending to find out where it goes.

I wish you luck with getting things sorted for your little one.

MrsTinks

debtstress78 wrote: »

Thank you all for the advice, you did get through to me. I realised that I can no longer go on living this lie and spoke to my husband, he has been amazing. We have decided that we need to clear the debts so he has applied for a loan to pay off all of my credit cards ( he's been accepted online but Im still so nervous it will go wrong) and as soon as the cards have been paid they're being shredded! I have been living on next to zero money for yrs so there is no way Im ever getting back into this situation again. Hoping to be debt free ( but for our mortgage) in 7 yrs!

Working together does make things easier You don't live in perpetual fear that he will find out, he knows why you've been stressed and together you can find a way forward.

As soon as the loan is through and the cards paid off then close them all down and work together on reducing the total down. Find ways to add to your income if you can - I know friends who are carers for their children with disabilities who have made successful businesses working from home. They may never rival Richard Branson but there is certainly no reason you can't still do something from home if you wanted to.

SO long as you remember to declare any earnings as self employed and inform the relevant departments of your earnings in case it impacts your benefits

Drawingaline

Fantastic that you have spoken to your husband and are working together to fix this.

That is a big loan, but having it all in one place and working together is going to make this easy for you. Definitely follow the advice re closing cards etc, and make sure that you are both saving a small emergency fund for things like appliance breakdowns etc so you don't have to fall back into credit.

Most loans allow overpayments so once everything is in place and all cards closed look closely at how you can maybe do that. Even all monthly amounts can make a difference in the length of the loan and can really boost your mood towards debt busting.

Good luck on your journey

debtstress78

Thank you all, the cards are shredded! I am feeling like a massive load has been lifted mainly because my husband now knows and we have a plan. I have downloaded a budget app on my phone so everything I spend is going to be listed and tracked. We will have surplus income so can actually save!!

My husband has excellent credit (thank god!) and has devised a spreadsheet etc to ensure we keep on top of everything.
I'm very lucky that he wasn't even angry with me (better person than I'd be) his attitude was that we can work through things together now that he knows he was disappointed that I hadn't said sooner. I would urge anyone hiding debt to share the burden. I'd absolutely dreaded it for so long when there was no need, he doesn't think any less of me. Thank you everyone, you've helped me more than you know x

S1Ebbz

Congratulations on taking the brave step to discuss this with your husband and really is a challenge many people will be facing. Its certainly something I have dealt with for years and hiding debt played a large part of a previous marriage breakdown.

The shame and disgust meant I became a different person...constantly stressed and constantly a nightmare to be around. Its refreshing to hear that you are working closely and together to resolve this.

Many of us have challenges on here and talking really does help. I have made the decision to accept my issues and work to resolve them no matter how long it takes. Life is much more than not sleeping all night in constant fear...accepting the issues is step one, addressing them and having a long term plan is the next...and having someone to support and assist you along this journey is invaluable

Good luck with everything

Countdown_has_begun

I am new to this forum and I have just logged on and read your post, along with all the replies. I think you have had some amazing, sound advice and everybody is so supportive on here.

I was in almost the exact same position to you a few months ago (apart from not having a mortgage and children) except it was my parents I had to fess up to. Everything you put at the beginning of your post rang true and I, like you, was paying out over £1000 a month just to meet the minimum payments. I also tried to get a loan and it would have cost me way less than my DMP and not affected my credit rating, but I couldn't get approved - it's a viscous circle. I tried to cover up my debt for quite a few years and even tried to convince myself that I could soon pay it back if I overpaid, but the truth is, I never would have and in the end, the minimum payments were so high, I couldn't afford to overpay.

I was speaking to a very close friend of mine one day and I ended up telling her everything. I expected her to be shocked and ask how the hell I'd got into that sort of debt, but she was so supportive and said that she'd been there too (debt was a little less than mine) but that I had to tell my parents. Like you, I said that I couldn't and that they would be so ashamed of me and angry, but she convinced me it was the right thing to do. I remember shaking the whole way home before telling them, BUT they completely surprised me and it was like someone removing a 10 tonne weight from my shoulders. I think my mum thought I'd say I was pregnant, so the debt was a relief! lol My mum always told me that 'honesty is always the best policy' and it's so true. I don't think that debt in itself would stop someone loving you, but the depression/stress that comes from hiding it and not being yourself, over years and years, may do. So you have definitely, 100%, done the right thing. Being in debt is not a crime and it's something all too common in today's society, if it wasn't then this forum wouldn't exist! Your family love you unconditionally and your husband sounds amazingly supportive.

I'm not sure what triggered the debt (and of course I don't expect you to say) but mine was emotional spending (I have bouts of severe depression and Asperger's syndrome), so although I'm now in a DMP, I want to get to the bottom of what caused this in the first place and prevent myself from making the same mistakes again. I personally feel that being in debt, is much like being overweight and on a diet. You might find faddy diets work for the short term, but if you really want to be successful in keeping your weight (i.e. debt) down and maintain it long term, then you really need to make a lifestyle change. Also, budget, budget and budget! I never used to do this and it's so surprising how your money disappears without realising, putting everything on cards is bad for that, so use cash where you can. I used to look at my online banking with one open, but now I pretty much know what I've got in there, because I stick to my budget.

I hope you enjoy a good nights rest tonight (which I'm sure your probably haven't had in a while) and please don't beat yourself up over it anymore.

xx