Help- I'm drowning with debt and stuck!

debtstress78

I'm in such a rubbish place and I'm so stressed over it, feeling like such a failure, full of shame!

I have debts of £30,000 on credit cards and catalogue. My husband knows nothing of these and it isn't an option to tell him. It would ruin my marriage and I can't face the shame.
Im currently spending £1000 on all the repayments which means that I can hardly live.
We have 3 kids with one severely disabled child which means I have had to quit my job and go on benefits which means I can no longer keep up my repayments so my credit score is going down and I can't get a loan ( even though the loan repayments would cost £350 which I could manage I can't get one).

My husband has a good credit score and we are only linked by having a joint mortgage ( no joint accounts).

I've been looking into entering a DMP (without my husband knowing) as I want to pay off my debts and live however we need to move house due to my sons needs.
We don't want to increase the mortgage just move to a house of the same value, we have £30,000 equity in our house at the moment. However I know that I'd most probably fail the credit check now due to my large unsecured debts.

Please help me find a solution, could we port the mortgage just in my husbands name and take me off it? I trust him completely so there'd be no issue with my name not legally being on the house. Do you think this would be possible or would they still take into account my credit issues/being on dmp affect him in getting it?

I really don't know what to do, is DMP the best answer or will it just make it impossible for us to move?

I'm so worried x

Keezing

Your husband already knows. He may not know about the debt, but he knows something is wrong. He is probably confused and worried, even if he is not letting on.

My wife hid huge debts from me for many years. I had no idea about the debts, but I knew our marriage was on the rocks and things were getting worse and worse. I became anxious and depressed, as did she.

Since my wife confided things have been great. Of course I am a lot poorer than I realised, but my marriage is as strong as ever. We are doing great.

It is only money. Just numbers on a computer screen. Meaningless in the grand scheme of things. You may find that once everything is out in the open the debt doesn't seem as suffocating.

Obviously I don't know everything about your personal situation, but I can't help but think that the first step on your debt-free journey should be to open up to your husband.

EssexHebridean

Great reply already from Keezing there. What I would say is this - if the shoe was on the other foot, would you rather that your husband told you about it, apologised, and explained that he wanted to deal with it, or would you prefer to find out accidentally - maybe by opening a letter or answering a phone call? You have to think seriously about which of those would make you feel the most hurt, the most let down, and then apply that to this situation, I think. If HE kept something like this from YOU, would you feel that he hadn't trusted you?

Remember that you are not "only" financially linked via the mortgage - that IS your link, You may just as well have bank accounts etc together as well to be honest. His finances and yours are linked.

I think I'm correct in saying that if your only income is benefits then you are not a viable candidate for a DMP - hopefully Sourcrates, Mrs T or one of the other experts on that side of things will be along shortly.

It may not be as simple as just putting the mortgage into your husband's name I'm afraid either - you'd need to do a transfer of equity so that the property is just in his name also, mostly likely, as the mortgage company may be unhappy with both names being on the deeds and only his on the mortgage. That of course will also incur costs.

Talk to your husband as a priority - you really do have to do that.

Money_Rollercoaster

It does seem like a massive step to admit where you are, but your husband's support and help is likely to be the difference between sorting your debt problem and not. Carrying around the weight of the debt and the worry in isolation is incredibly hard and grinds you down - I did so for years, getting loans and re-shuffline my finances for years on end ... in the end, I just couldn't do it anymore.


You can't hide this sort of thing forever so you really do need to seek the support of the one person who should be on your side.

debtstress78

Thanks for your advice i really know that I should tell my husband but I just can't. We have so much stress with my son I can't put this on him too.

Would it be possible to sell our house and then move in with my parents, I'm guessing we'd have to pay back early redemption fees on our mortgage and then if my husband applied for a new mortgage just in his name and the house would also be in his name only would my dmp affect his chances of getting a new mortgage? As I'm guessing we would not be linked then? Is that true? We'd have a £35,000 deposit to put down too.

Candyapple

The £30k you spent on credit cards and catalogues – do you have anything from this that you can sell as a matter of priority to pay down some of the debt and give you some breathing space?

Is the £30k spend made up of household spending? If so, then surely your husband would need to know so to prevent the situation from happening in the future further down the line if he isn’t giving you enough money to keep the household running?

Even if you entered into a DMP, the fact that you said you need to move house would mean that the house move would not be possible. Any lender is going to see £30k of debt in a new DMP and decline the application.

You and your husband are financially linked so if you have a poor credit history, he is going to have his credit history ruined too. You have no choice but to talk to your husband I’m afraid. Be brave and sit down in a calm neutral environment and explain to him what you’ve told us here, or if you can’t face it, why not print out your opening post on this thread? He may get upset and angry but that’s to be expected. Hang in there, hopefully you can both work on this together and come out better at the other end. Good luck.

sourcrates

Wise words above from Keezing, it is only money, and they cant take what you dont have.

But, a little reality check is needed here, if you attempt to get another mortgage, and are turned down, you will have to come clean with hubby then, really, its best to get it all out in the open before that happens.

As regards your income solely from benefits, there is no clear answer. Some consensus exists that benefits are paid only to cover needs and should not be classed as a surplus with which to pay debts. The counter-argument: if someone living on benefits income alone truly wants to repay their debts via a debt management plan why should it not be allowed?

Some debt management plan companies will be reluctant to take on clients relying only on benefits income while others will happily take the case. My advice would be to think carefully about other options, before committing to a debt management plan if you believe you will be living on benefits income alone for some time to come, but in your case that would only leave bankruptcy as an option.

debtstress78

I am able to get a dmp Ive already enquired about that.

-taff

If your husband earns enough to justify a 4x mortgage, then yes, he can get a mortgage by hmself. Yes, you could also ask to port your mortgage, but you'd have to speak to the mortgage company and both of you would have to stay on the mortgage You can't port a joint mortgage to a single name mortgage, he would have to apply for one in his own name and be earning enough to pay it..
As above though, don't you think your husband will be wondering why you want to come off the mortgage?
You've found out you can't hide your debt any longer using mainstream means.
I think you'd be better off attempting to sort your debt out first, then telling him you've taken steps to sort it out.
I know you must feel that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, but realistically, unless he can afford a mortgage by himself, your credit worthiness is going to have an effect so he will find out.

debtstress78

I have nothing really of value to sell, if I entered into a dip then Id have plenty of money to live its the repayments that are killing me which leaves me with hardly no money. My husband now pays all of the mortgage and utilities as he thinks I'm getting next to nothing on benefits (poor sod).

sourcrates

debtstress78 wrote: »

I am able to get a dmp Ive already enquired about that.

Thats good, was it with one of the free debt charities ?

I hope it was, do not go to a fee charging company, whatever you do.

There is also the option of self managing a DMP that is an option a lot of people enjoy taking on, leaves you more in control of whats going on, if you need further help on a decision on which choice to make, please let me know, i can put you in touch with people who are doing this right now.