Help- I'm drowning with debt and stuck!

debtstress78

He would be able to get a mortgage we would not be applying for 4 x his salary more like 3.5x plus the £35000 deposit. He is so trusting of me which makes me feel terrible he believes that I'd be better off coming off the mortgage as I'm on benefits. He wouldn't really question me. My husband also owns another property with no mortgage but a family member lives there so its not really like its his house but in financial terms it is.

MrsTinks

Can we ask who you have been accepted for a DMP with? Just want to make sure you are not speaking to one of the rip off merchants out there who charge for a DMP when there are far better charities...

I'm going to repeat what others have said - you cannot hide this. The moment you start looking at re-mortgaging then your husband will find out. If you ask for it to all be in his name he will ask why. If you have it in joint you will have to declare any unsecured debts - he will find out. If you don't declare them your application will be turned down.

He will find out either from you or from the potential mortgage application - it's honestly better if you tell him yourself and sooner rather than later. I appreciate that it's easier to say than do, however at some point he will find out.

There are solutions but they will include working with your husband.

The cause of the debt is also quite important. I promise we don't ask because we're being nosy - it matters that you have addressed the cause, because if you having then you're potentially just shifting the focus round a little...

debtstress78

Yes it was with Stepchange, I think Id prefer them to deal with it as Im getting so stressed. I know Ive been burying my head in the sand but I can't live with this anymore, I can't tell my husband but I have to do something to try to change this.

debtstress78

Thanks all, maybe we just stay in this house then with no space. I cannot/will not tell my husband unfortunately. The issue was that I was in a professional jib earning quite a lot of money and racking up early debts in my 20s that I didn't address. Just kept putting holidays etc on cc. I have spend next to nothing the last few yrs I live on fresh air however the debts aren't shifting as I'm only paying minimum payments.

Candyapple

Do you have a joint bank account together?

You mentioned about selling your house and moving in with your parents – assuming they are happy with the arrangement, does their home have the space for 5 additional people/enough bedrooms? And would your husband not ask questions about moving there in the first place?

In theory what you are saying sounds like it would work (you sell house and come off the mortgage and he applies for one himself) based on the info you’ve provided but when does the deception end? Your husband sounds like a very trusting man. If you told him, he may surprise you and you both come together to work things out moving forward. Would it not be a suggestion to use some of the £35k you have saved to clear your debts and then you can both move on into looking for a new home without the worry of having a DMP or £30k debts around your head. Surely that’s a conversation worth having alone for peace of mind?

January2015

debtstress78 wrote: »

Thanks for your advice i really know that I should tell my husband but I just can't. We have so much stress with my son I can't put this on him too.

Would it be possible to sell our house and then move in with my parents, I'm guessing we'd have to pay back early redemption fees on our mortgage and then if my husband applied for a new mortgage just in his name and the house would also be in his name only would my dmp affect his chances of getting a new mortgage? As I'm guessing we would not be linked then? Is that true? We'd have a £35,000 deposit to put down too.

What explanation would you give to your husband for why you wanted to move in with your parents? Why would you say you wanted to buy another property but not include you on the mortgage. If you don't think your husband is going to start asking lots of questions you are not being realistic. Add to this the pressure you would put on your marriage and your parents if you moved in with them with your 3 children, including one being severely disabled. It just won't work.

Seriously - best thing is to take a deep breath and talk to your husband about this. It really is best to work this through together. As others on this forum have said - they have taken the plunge to tell partners of hidden debt and those couples have come out the other side of those conversations stronger and working together to solve the debt problems.

Edit: I meant to add that some lenders would have issues with you living in a property, being a legal partner of the mortgagor but not being named on the mortgage. This is because you will have rights to shares of the property. To get round this you will most likely have to have appropriate documentation prepared and signed by solicitors which will allay lenders fears in this regard. This will incur additional legal fees - more importantly you could potentially be signing away your rights to your share of any property you buy with your husband. Whilst your marriage is good now - who knows what situation you will be in at a future date. Is it worth taking this risk?

debtstress78

If only I could get a loan over 7 yrs I could it pay it all back with relative ease and no affect to my credit rating. If only I'd sorted it out when I was still in employment :-( All my own doing and I can't believe I've been so stupid!

debtstress78

Thanks Candyapple, he is a great man and he would be absolutely devastated that is why I can't tell him. He has had so much sadness in his life I really can't add to that due to my stupidity.

My parents although it wouldn't be ideal they would definitely accept us moving in, they have a large house so could accommodate us. Plus they'd be thinking its short term and will do anything to help us. I feel that I can't use the £35,000 from the house as we'd need it for a deposit to buy a new house otherwise we couldnt really get anything suitable n our price range. My husband really wouldn't ask too many questions he's actually suggested selling the house & moving in with folks etc.

January2015

debtstress78 wrote: »

If only I could get a loan over 7 yrs I could it pay it all back with relative ease and no affect to my credit rating. If only I'd sorted it out when I was still in employment :-( All my own doing and I can't believe I've been so stupid!

Getting a loan, i.e. consolidating debts into a single loan, is rarely the answer. Whilst it can work, unless you have address the reason for the build up debts you are likely to just run up more debts on credit cards and be in a worse situation than you are now.

How necessary is that you move? (I appreciate with a severely disabled child this may be a crucial reason - but could you manage where you are?

This problem is sortable - you can resolve it and still live a good life with a happy marriage. It's easier said than done, but you need to stop stressing about it and start to think rationally about what you need to happen with your housing situation (need, not want) and if you must move, look at how quickly you need to move. I am guessing that if you think moving in with your parents is an option then you could be fine where you are - you will have more room and freedom in the home you are in now than you will with you parents. If this is the case then totally forget about moving until you have sorted this debt problem. That may be several years away but so what? You have a roof over your head that is just you, your OH and your children.

If you decide to talk to your OH and work together to sort this, then come back and post a statement of affairs and you will get lots of good advice from the folk on this forum.

Candyapple

I think it’s clear from your posts that there is no convincing you to talk to your husband so it would be pointless for anyone to suggest otherwise from hereon in.

Good luck to you, your situation sounds very stressful. I only hope your careful plotting to execute this plan doesn’t come undone at some point.

Remember, to make doubly sure of everything, you’ll need copies of your credit report from all 3 credit reference agencies (Experian, Equifax and CallCredit) and also copies of your husband’s reports to compare the information.