14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

Yes your right,she shouldn't of phoned me.It wasn't to ask how I am,it was to reassure me he didn't cheat on me.
Why is this one point so important to him?? surely he would know its all the other stuff which I needed to know not this?

Because he has a guilty conscience?

annandale

Upset angry and bitter are perfectly normal emotions when you break up with someone. I'd be surprised if you weren't

my-user-name

Mojisola wrote: »

Because he has a guilty conscience?

Thats what I was thinking too??
He had affairs when he was married to his ex,many in fact.I know of 2 women personally who he had affairs with,one of them still make a bee line for him when we used to go out and she gave great pleasure talking about the fun they used to have when they,d sneek off to hotels for the day....even when I was there she would be saying this.
Did it bug me,hell yes but seeing him squirm made it worth it lol

Please be assured I wasn't one of those women!!,I met him for the first time well over 2 years after they split up.

my-user-name

annandale wrote: »

Upset angry and bitter are perfectly normal emotions when you break up with someone. I'd be surprised if you weren't

I just didn't want him to know I was feeling this way annadale,stupid I know,maybe its something to do with my pride,not sure.?

my-user-name

Ive just received a message from a forum member,please don't think I'm ignoring you.For some reason it says theres a pop up whatever that is and I'm unable to open it.I will try and sort it out but as I'm not tech savvy it might be a while lol
Oh to be young and clever

EdwardB

my-user-name wrote: »

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:Ive let myself down badly today:mad::mad::mad::mad:

I came home form work after a hellish day and as soon as I arrived home I crashed out on the settee,,the phone ringing woke me up so I answered it......it was his step mother:(
(Why the hell did I answer it without checking the number first?)

She asked me if I was ok and I said "yes I'm fine".She then told me she had been speaking to her precious son and he is desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated on me in the 14 years we were together.,she said he wants me to know this.He told her her that he had tried to talk to me to reassure me(so that must of been that one single text he sent me at midnight)but that I refused to talk.

I saw red:mad:

I told her I don't give a flying f*** if he cheated on me or not, all I wanted was a explanation on why, after 14 years he suddenly decided he wanted a different life and my anger is based on the fact he was still living with me while he didn't love me.I told her all I wanted was a explanation and some honesty for once in his life and I got neither off him.

She kept on going on about him never cheating on me and I kept on saying I didn't give a dam if he did or didn't.Then she repeated"but he wants to see you to reassure you" and I told her he only wants to see me to throw more cruel words at me to make him feel better and she said that's not true.I finally flipped when she said she has "advised" him to leave it a few weeks then come and see me when I'm not as angry.She told me hes not happy in the house because its a tiny thing and its in the middle of a council estate(NOWT FRIKKIN WRONG WITH THAT!!)

That's when I flipped good style:(

I told her I never want to see the jerk ever again,I never want to see his face or speak to him.I want him out of my life completely and basically if he does come knocking on my door then without doubt he will be over the balcony(I live in a flat)
Why oh why did I show her this side of me??a side that I didn't think was inside me??

Her parting words were "I can see you still love him otherwise you wouldn't be as angry as you are,maybe you should just concentrate on making yourself happy" I WAS UNTIL YOU RANG,GGRRRHHH.

Now more than a hour later I'm kicking myself for not checking first who was ringing me,the call woke me up but that's no excuse for not checking first.I just wish I could of stayed calm but her words angered me in a way I didn't think possible.

Now the control is back with him because without doubt she will tell him what I said.I can be such a idiot

OK First things first, you have NOT let yourself down.

I did say he was using her as a conduit, have no doubt she called because he as been whinging like the pathetic twit he is "oh mummy blah blah bloody blah"

At first I was a bit concerned because you showed your cards by saying

"all I wanted was a explanation..."

HEED THESE WORDS!!

https://youtu.be/I5m4jpUyb-g?t=9

Seriously, that was your only regretable thing (other than answering) because it made you look weak but then you showed that you had some bite and it is no bad thing.

It is clear to me he is playing the victim and this is a play.

So why start with this "desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated" sheet? Simple, because for most sane people it is the one thing you never come back from, sure some might put up with a cheat for a while, but it never lasts or rather they never rebuild the love based on mutual trust and respect.

It was an opening line of him wanting to come back, it is low risk, he is not saying he wants to come back, it is a kind of test to see how the ground lies while he gets his message across. It is so damn manipulative and I have seen it before, it is a micro message, delivered by a 3rd party (wimp that he is).

I am actually rather proud of you giving her what for, that final comment of hers was a condescending one.

It does not matter that you show you have some bite.

Actually this is rather good, you said the important thing, that you never want to see this pathetic puny wimp again.

Now there is a bit of housekeeping to do...

If this was on your mobile block her number, I assume you have blocked his. There is NOTHING either of these people can say to you that has anything to do with your future.

If it was your landline then either put the announce call service thingy on (worth every penny at times like this) or give her a call just to tell her that you do not want to hear from her again and please do not call or you will consider it harassment and report it to the Police. Unfortunely you can't count tonights call as you responded, to report harassment you must not respond to the bully.

From now on, do not answer number witheld, do not answer numbers that you do not recognise, i.e. they are not in your phone book. If it is anyone you want to see they will leave a message.

I assume you have changed the locks since he went? If not do so now.

Control is by no means with him, in fact you fired a shot, it will be delivered by "mummy" and and he can't hit back. You MUST shut down this conduit, you are moving on and she can only pick the scab.

Forget him and the skirt he has always hidden behind!!

Now back on track, look forward to that gourmet burger, easy to say, ok I mean it...which of these do you fancy??

STARTERS
Mixed Olives

House Onion Rings

Halloumi Bites
With kiwifruit & habanero hot sauce

MAINS


Bourbon Street
Mustard grilled beef, jalapenos, mature Cheddar, bourbon glazed mushrooms, sriracha mayo, salad.

Major Tom
30 day dry-aged steak patty, blue cheese slaw, crispy bacon, Red Leicester cheese, beef ketchup, dill pickle.

The Stack
Grilled chorizo, Red Leicester cheese, house onion ring, smoked chilli mayo, rocket, pickled onions, house relish.

The Mighty
Two 6oz patties, mature Cheddar, crispy bacon, garlic mayo, relish, dill pickle

Avocado Bacon
Avocado, crispy bacon, house mayo, relish, salad

The Taxidriver
American cheese, house onion ring, Cajun relish, smoked chilli mayo, dill pickle, salad.

Bruce Leek
Mature Cheddar, crispy bacon, truffled leeks, Cajun relish, sriracha mayo, jalapenos
Winner of our 2015 Chef Competition

GBK Cheese & Bacon
Crispy bacon, BBQ sauce, house mayo, dill pickle, salad
Choose from mature Cheddar, smoked Applewood or American cheese

The Don
American cheese, gorgonzola, baconnaise, rocket, onion jam, house mayo, pickled onions.

The Kiwiburger
A GBK trademark since 2001. Beetroot, fried free-range egg, pineapple, mature Cheddar, house mayo, relish, salad.

Habanero
Mozzarella, habanero jam, house mayo, salad

Blue Cheese
Onion jam, Cajun relish, house mayo, salad.

#enjoy

my-user-name

EdwardB wrote: »

OK First things first, you have NOT let yourself down.

I did say he was using her as a conduit, have no doubt she called because he as been whinging like the pathetic twit he is "oh mummy blah blah bloody blah"

At first I was a bit concerned because you showed your cards by saying

"all I wanted was a explanation..."

HEED THESE WORDS!!

https://youtu.be/I5m4jpUyb-g?t=9

Seriously, that was your only regretable thing (other than answering) because it made you look weak but then you showed that you had some bite and it is no bad thing.

It is clear to me he is playing the victim and this is a play.

So why start with this "desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated" sheet? Simple, because for most sane people it is the one thing you never come back from, sure some might put up with a cheat for a while, but it never lasts or rather they never rebuild the love based on mutual trust and respect.

It was an opening line of him wanting to come back, it is low risk, he is not saying he wants to come back, it is a kind of test to see how the ground lies while he gets his message across. It is so damn manipulative and I have seen it before, it is a micro message, delivered by a 3rd party (wimp that he is).

I am actually rather proud of you giving her what for, that final comment of hers was a condescending one.

It does not matter that you show you have some bite.

Actually this is rather good, you said the important thing, that you never want to see this pathetic puny wimp again.

Now there is a bit of housekeeping to do...

If this was on your mobile block her number, I assume you have blocked his. There is NOTHING either of these people can say to you that has anything to do with your future.

If it was your landline then either put the announce call service thingy on (worth every penny at times like this) or give her a call just to tell her that you do not want to hear from her again and please do not call or you will consider it harassment and report it to the Police. Unfortunely you can't count tonights call as you responded, to report harassment you must not respond to the bully.

From now on, do not answer number witheld, do not answer numbers that you do not recognise, i.e. they are not in your phone book. If it is anyone you want to see they will leave a message.

I assume you have changed the locks since he went? If not do so now.

Control is by no means with him, in fact you fired a shot, it will be delivered by "mummy" and and he can't hit back. You MUST shut down this conduit, you are moving on and she can only pick the scab.

Forget him and the skirt he has always hidden behind!!

Now back on track, look forward to that gourmet burger, easy to say, ok I mean it...which of these do you fancy??

STARTERS
Mixed Olives

House Onion Rings

Halloumi Bites
With kiwifruit & habanero hot sauce

MAINS


Bourbon Street
Mustard grilled beef, jalapenos, mature Cheddar, bourbon glazed mushrooms, sriracha mayo, salad.

Major Tom
30 day dry-aged steak patty, blue cheese slaw, crispy bacon, Red Leicester cheese, beef ketchup, dill pickle.

The Stack
Grilled chorizo, Red Leicester cheese, house onion ring, smoked chilli mayo, rocket, pickled onions, house relish.

The Mighty
Two 6oz patties, mature Cheddar, crispy bacon, garlic mayo, relish, dill pickle

Avocado Bacon
Avocado, crispy bacon, house mayo, relish, salad

The Taxidriver
American cheese, house onion ring, Cajun relish, smoked chilli mayo, dill pickle, salad.

Bruce Leek
Mature Cheddar, crispy bacon, truffled leeks, Cajun relish, sriracha mayo, jalapenos
Winner of our 2015 Chef Competition

GBK Cheese & Bacon
Crispy bacon, BBQ sauce, house mayo, dill pickle, salad
Choose from mature Cheddar, smoked Applewood or American cheese

The Don
American cheese, gorgonzola, baconnaise, rocket, onion jam, house mayo, pickled onions.

The Kiwiburger
A GBK trademark since 2001. Beetroot, fried free-range egg, pineapple, mature Cheddar, house mayo, relish, salad.

Habanero
Mozzarella, habanero jam, house mayo, salad

Blue Cheese
Onion jam, Cajun relish, house mayo, salad.

#enjoy

The most important first.....................

HOUSE ONION RINGS

THE TAXI DRIVER

AND NEW YORK CHEESECAKE(ok that wasn't on here)

It was clear that his step mum is definatly in his camp,of course she will be,shes family and family stick together in good times and in bad.One of them get kicked.....they all limp so its understandable why she rang me tonight.

""all I wanted was a explanation..." yes I did say this Edward but at least I said "wanted" and not "want",hopefully she will understand I "wanted" it in the past... but not now.

As for the "desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated" thing,one thing we had always said from day one would be we would never cheat as if we start to have feelings for someone else then we would be honest and tell each other..He always knew that if he cheated on me then,in my eyes it would be unforgivable and he would be kicked straight to the kerb.I fully understand why you mention this Edward,I get the jist of it.

Are you sure it dosent matter that I shown her I have some bite??erm not sure?

Oh trust me I made it 100% clear that I do not wish to see him or hear from him,will she tell him I said those things?Im not really sure.This comes from a woman who said "you must never accept him back" when she heard we were splitting up.

It was landline that she called me on tonight,I do have caller display but just waking up to the ringing of the phone I didn't even think to check,stupid on my part I know.But that will never happen again no matter how "dead to the world" I am.I think after tonights call she wont be ringing me for a good while.

I'm thinking how he will interpret this phone call if she does go back to tell him(she actually said he dosent know shes ringing me,I don't believe that for a second)If she tells him then he will know I want nothing to do with him which is good for me,however he may think I'm still in love with him and in a unhappy place right now because of my anger on the phone.I think it might leave him more confused??

The locks were changed within days of him leaving thankfully.

I'm still looking forward to my after work meal with Miss Envelope(love that name!)we made a promise today,we wont talk about him and we wont talk about work,that will last for the first 10 mins at least lol

Wish I could take a picci of my mega burger and put it on here but I wouldn't have a clue how to do it,just like I haven't got a clue how to answer private messages.
Hey I could join a computer course!!!

calicocat

I get you are annoyed that he will get to know how you are feeling, but he would presumably have had an educated guess at that anyway.

Unless he is entirely thick, a person has got to know how you may be feeling.


I wouldn't be feeling guilty about shooting the messenger, she should be keeping out of it anyway.

How old is he .?....getting mummy to phone you. Idiot.

I'm loving the fact he hates his new home, I have the pleasure of that too . Just wait when the bills start coming in, it will be a good learning curve for him. Obviously that's I bit childish too, but when someone has hurt you it's nice to know they are suffering too for a short while. Later you will be indifferent to it all.

I've saved quite a bit in food shopping last couple weeks. Have been cooking and eating when I want, if I want.

However after last post.......
I am now ruddy starving and will be off buying some mince tomorrow to make myself a burger . I could Sooooo eat one right now. May have grab some pickles and cheese.

I wouldn't be leaving the bun out though, I'd be more of the mindset of to hell with it , eat the lot and have a couple of those cocktails too, enjoy.

my-user-name

calicocat wrote: »

I get you are annoyed that he will get to know how you are feeling, but he would presumably have had an educated guess at that anyway.

Unless he is entirely thick, a person has got to know how you may be feeling.


I wouldn't be feeling guilty about shooting the messenger, she should be keeping out of it anyway.

How old is he .?....getting mummy to phone you. Idiot.

I'm loving the fact he hates his new home, I have the pleasure of that too . Just wait when the bills start coming in, it will be a good learning curve for him. Obviously that's I bit childish too, but when someone has hurt you it's nice to know they are suffering too for a short while. Later you will be indifferent to it all.

I've saved quite a bit in food shopping last couple weeks. Have been cooking and eating when I want, if I want.

However after last post.......
I am now ruddy starving and will be off buying some mince tomorrow to make myself a burger . I could Sooooo eat one right now. May have grab some pickles and cheese.

I wouldn't be leaving the bun out though, I'd be more of the mindset of to hell with it , eat the lot and have a couple of those cocktails too, enjoy.

Tomorrow will just have to be a "to hell with it" day calicocat lol Ive waited almost all week for this one meal so I'm going to make the most of it!!

My normal "self" would ring his step mum up and apologise for going off on a tangent as Primrose advises but I'm not sure if it will do more harm than good.She probably heard a different side to me tonight,good or not good I'm not so sure??

Hes 57 I think this April,pretty sure hes that age.

Yesterday I kind of felt sorry for him,right now I'm don't.Im not sure if he asked his step mum to ring,I think possibly yes but I cant say that for definite.As for his new house,new home thing,well no one forced him to sign on the dotted line,did she want me to feel sorry for him??don't know but besides that I didn't feel one bit sorry for him.I know he,ll be panicking regarding his car,his pride and joy which he cherish,s,he has a hissy fit if anyone goes near it so he,ll be worried,very worried.

Men,I,ll never understand them?

EdwardB

my-user-name wrote: »

The most important first.....................

HOUSE ONION RINGS

THE TAXI DRIVER

AND NEW YORK CHEESECAKE(ok that wasn't on here)

It was clear that his step mum is definatly in his camp,of course she will be,shes family and family stick together in good times and in bad.One of them get kicked.....they all limp so its understandable why she rang me tonight.

""all I wanted was a explanation..." yes I did say this Edward but at least I said "wanted" and not "want",hopefully she will understand I "wanted" it in the past... but not now.

As for the "desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated" thing,one thing we had always said from day one would be we would never cheat as if we start to have feelings for someone else then we would be honest and tell each other..He always knew that if he cheated on me then,in my eyes it would be unforgivable and he would be kicked straight to the kerb.I fully understand why you mention this Edward,I get the jist of it.

Are you sure it dosent matter that I shown her I have some bite??erm not sure?

Oh trust me I made it 100% clear that I do not wish to see him or hear from him,will she tell him I said those things?Im not really sure.This comes from a woman who said "you must never accept him back" when she heard we were splitting up.

It was landline that she called me on tonight,I do have caller display but just waking up to the ringing of the phone I didn't even think to check,stupid on my part I know.But that will never happen again no matter how "dead to the world" I am.I think after tonights call she wont be ringing me for a good while.

I'm thinking how he will interpret this phone call if she does go back to tell him(she actually said he dosent know shes ringing me,I don't believe that for a second)If she tells him then he will know I want nothing to do with him which is good for me,however he may think I'm still in love with him and in a unhappy place right now because of my anger on the phone.I think it might leave him more confused??

The locks were changed within days of him leaving thankfully.

I'm still looking forward to my after work meal with Miss Envelope(love that name!)we made a promise today,we wont talk about him and we wont talk about work,that will last for the first 10 mins at least lol

Wish I could take a picci of my mega burger and put it on here but I wouldn't have a clue how to do it,just like I haven't got a clue how to answer private messages.
Hey I could join a computer course!!!

Well I did not mention the cheesecake because I did not want to tempt you, but this is a special night so enjoy yourself.

I did not pick up before today that she was his step mum, but it is the same, she has to support him, it is what mothers do and nothing less expected.

Something tells me she would not have picked up on the past tense, but she picked up on the essential things, like you are done with him, end of, no excuses, he is not worthy of your attention for a nanosecond.

I am absolutely sure that it does not matter that you showed her you have some bite, she is part of him, he is dust, she cannot be expected or trusted to be anything but him mum, there is no future in that relationship. There might have been if things had ended differently, if he had shown you an ounce of respect.

She does not show you respect, it is bloody condescending that she says "oh your angry I will tell him to speak to you in a few weeks" was she appointed arbitor, did you agree to that? Of course not and that is why she needed to be told in a very firm way that he can foxtrot oscar.

Oh "he is in a Council House", maybe he should try being homeless, sleeping in his car, or in the car park of an abandoned building. He made his bed, he must sleep in it I hope it is damp, smells and has bed bugs!

She will call him, she has to but you must not worry about how he will interpret the call because he is nothing, he can think you are still in love with him, so what, you are a caring and giving person, it will take time but you made your decision. Nobody who truly cared about you, would have treated you like this and he is emotionally vacant. Besides he has no way back,

The only power over you that mummy and mummy's boy have is the power you give them, so give them nothing, nada, nicht, rien de rien!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIGjiZW7DYI

If didums is confused then so much the better, remember you were quietly getting on with your life, licking your wounds and moving forward. He made this call happen, she says "he is desperate for you to know blah blah blah".

Private messages are accessed by that circle to the left of your post (where I have the kitten or you can click here

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/private.php

Good Idea about the computer course, meanwhile to familiarise yourself with the following

If you start writing a reply then click Go Advanced

Then above where you type there will be a yellow icon of picture

When you click on that it asks you for a web address because it does not allow uploads, basically it is saying the image must be somewhere on the web

a picture will have an address, the official name is a URL

so this pic of your ex


has this URL

http://theotherpress.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/LS_Crying-men.jpg

So a quick way if you do not care but just want it up there is to install imager on your phone

http://imgur.com/apps

Use the app to upload the pic of the burger

Then when you can see the photo on a webpage on your computer, right click the image and select Copy Image Location, then click that yellow icon and paste the link copied to the clipboard when you chose Copy link location.

Note with imgur you need the full URL to the image

This is a link but to a page not to the image http://imgur.com/gallery/AreRk

when you go to the page right click the image and select copy image location you get the full url to the image file

http://i.imgur.com/P4xSDon.jpg

Have a practice, either way we will take your word that the burger was great.