Would you abandon her?

Dird

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38507160

I'd be straight out the door if no cure likely to be found

Torry_Quine

That must be awful for them both but no it wouldn't in my opinion be a good reason to abandon your spouse. In sickness and health.

springdreams

No I wouldn't. Or I would certainly try my best to be accommodating and understanding. It is not like she lied about her condition when they got together or when they got married. She has no control over her condition.

It could be very hard, however, if you want a family, as the chances of her being able to have one are extremely slim.

Mr.Generous

Hard to see it as a marriage though, can't be in the same room together. I don't know what I'd do and hope I never find out.

Dird

Mr.Generous wrote: »

Hard to see it as a marriage though

Yeah, it was only last year that it got so serious apparently. I'd give the doctors until 2018 to try and get the condition under control or else I'd be filing

calleyw

lets hope you are never in that position.

I was put in that sort of position. My husband had a stroke at 44 and was in hospital for and 3 and half months and was one of the very unlucky ones who was left disabled.

In the end it destroyed my marriage and I ended up hating him and myself. He was no longer the man I married. He did change both physically and mentally. I had to become a responsible adult for two people not just my self.

It wore me out having to work full time then come home and do all the household tasks had not been done. Let alone the stress of making sure he had his benefits. The house revolved around him and not us as a couple. I just become his carer and that was all I was to everyone else.

Yours

Calley X

Robisere

calleyw wrote: »

lets hope you are never in that position.

I was put in that sort of position. My husband had a stroke at 44 and was in hospital for and 3 and half months and was one of the very unlucky ones who was left disabled.

In the end it destroyed my marriage and I ended up hating him and myself. He was no longer the man I married. He did change both physically and mentally. I had to become a responsible adult for two people not just my self.

It wore me out having to work full time then come home and do all the household tasks had not been done. Let alone the stress of making sure he had his benefits. The house revolved around him and not us as a couple. I just become his carer and that was all I was to everyone else.

Yours

Calley X

Not the same story, but I had two brothers, both much older than me. Big bro, who was my childhood hero and looked out for me whilst growing up with an abusive mother, died in 1988. Middle bro and I never got on, nor would he get on with the Big bro he actually grew up with. As a result, I was closer to Big bro. Middle bro did everything he could to drive a wedge between his two brothers and mother, who was committed whilst I was very young for knocking me unconscious. She had treatment and returned home, after I lived with an aunt for over 2 years. Fast forward to 2 years ago and surviving brother had a stroke. I had moved away by some distance, was more or less estranged from him, but in touch with my nieces, who said he was asking for me.

I travelled over to see him with my wife and everything seemed fine, we appeared to be close and he actually apologised for some things he had done and said in the past. I have several medical conditions, two of which are serious, so I cannot visit often. However, next time I saw him began well again until I mentioned Big bro. He changed, became abusive and said that he would liked Big bro to be still alive, so that he could kill him.

You can perhaps imagine the effect of that upon me, but I held my tongue, saw out the visit and my lovely SIL saw me to the door. I told her that I was sorry, but I could not come again. She understood and wished me all the best. Now I cannot say that the stroke changed him: he was always jealous without reason, always looking for a chance to do both his brothers down. He was often nasty to me when I was young, so I now feel nothing for him. To me it appears that the bad parts of his character have just been magnified by the stroke. I have several friends who have had strokes and it has not changed their disposition: if they were good people before, they are still as good now, but needing help. I could not help but hate my Middle bro for a time, but now that has changed to indifference. Sad to say, if he dies tomorrow, I will feel nothing whatsoever. If that is wrong, I can't help it.

Spendless

calleyw wrote: »

lets hope you are never in that position.

I was put in that sort of position. My husband had a stroke at 44 and was in hospital for and 3 and half months and was one of the very unlucky ones who was left disabled.

In the end it destroyed my marriage and I ended up hating him and myself. He was no longer the man I married. He did change both physically and mentally. I had to become a responsible adult for two people not just my self.

It wore me out having to work full time then come home and do all the household tasks had not been done. Let alone the stress of making sure he had his benefits. The house revolved around him and not us as a couple. I just become his carer and that was all I was to everyone else.

Yours

Calley X

This happened to both my Grandmothers. Though I suspect they were older than you were when it did, still young though at 50 and 57. They had to give up their jobs and remained carers until widowed, which was 25 later for one of them (13 for the other)

calleyw

Spendless wrote: »

This happened to both my Grandmothers. Though I suspect they were older than you were when it did, still young though at 50 and 57. They had to give up their jobs and remained carers until widowed, which was 25 later for one of them (13 for the other)

I was 33 at the time. I ended being a horrible person and hated myself.

In the end he said he no longer loved me. I knew the day he had his stroke my marriage was over but not when.

You never know how you will react when someone happens like that. If you had asked me before it happened I would have said sit in the corner and cry. But you just get on with it. We struggled on for about 5 years.

Yours

Calley X

Marvel1

One of the marriage vows "in sickness and in health".

Otherwise why get married in the first place? Nice to know your other half would leave if you had something serious happen, maybe tell them so they can do the same.

calleyw

cjdavies wrote: »

One of the marriage vows "in sickness and in health".

Yes there is. But when the persons behavior and care is beyond you what do you do then?

It easy to say that if you never have been in that position. Anyone who stays with a person after a stroke etc. Has my upmost respect. And a better person than me.

Yours

Calley