Would you abandon her?

happyandcontented

The vows say "in sickness and in health", if you don't think you could at least try to keep that vow then you shouldn't make the vow.

Person_one

Dird wrote: »

It also says "for better, for worse" but I don't see women putting up with "for worse" when their husband is shafting a co-worker

Well there's that 'forsaking all others' bit as well...

System

Tough one. Iy would kill me to be in my relationship but unable to even be in the same room as him. Have no physical touch (and i dont mean just the obvious but little things like hugs) etc. However i do think its something that you need to be at peace with before you get married. Ro me its a lifelong commitment for better or worse. But then we can't always tell how life with pan out. If something tragic happened to me and it changed who i was then i;d understand if they felt they couldn't be with me anymore. It can dramatically shift relationships, you go from being an equal team to one person soley being reliant on the other and that cannot be easy to deal with.

It scares me that i have the illess i do have. Whilst its managed ok now i don;t know how its going to be in the future. I could be ok or it could get a lot worse (bipolar episode seem to get longer in length with age and increase in severity). My bf is only human. And i know should i get to the point where its unmanageable and i had no quality of life i'd want him to find happiness elsewhere. Like i said, tough call for me personally.

CRANKY40

springdreams wrote: »

It could be very hard, however, if you want a family, as the chances of her being able to have one are extremely slim.

Even if her immune system let her conceive she could be allergic to the baby. I was allergic to my baby from the time that the placenta took over. He is an only child because it was a nightmare time that I never, ever wished to repeat. I also have some food allergies and allergic asthma. It's bad enough knowing that some things I eat will cause problems - I feel so sorry for that poor woman.

justme111

Calew, I do not think anybody could judge you and those who do just make thoughtless remarks which are neither responsible nor logical. If they criticise you for breaking marriage wows they should do it for anybody who divorces for whatever reason . I do not see why the person who had a stroke and is suffering already has to endure loveless relationship on top of it where there would be two miserable people as a result. I wonder whether those people would want their loved one to sacrifise their lives to become their carers if something happened to them and would witness that sacrifise content. If I were to be in calew's husband position and had to chose between my partner looking after me where it does not work and he is unhappy or a carer looking after me I am as sure as I could be I would have chosen the latter even if it would mean less comfortable surroundings. If I was in a position of carer I would have tried to be happy but if it did not work ( and calew tried for years ) I would have gone as well.
You are not a bad person, calew. You were in extremely difficuly circumstances and you chosen to minimise the damage. Please do not beat yourself up.

fierystormcloud

Dird wrote: »

They also say stuff like "according to God’s holy law" when you might not believe and "to have and to hold" but the woman in this situation can't fulfil that part of the agreement

People get married for Social conformity, tax benefits, a day to show off/waste money.

It also says "for better, for worse" but I don't see women putting up with "for worse" when their husband is shafting a co-worker

MSE's very own matchmaker~ https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/71836732#Comment_71836732

I feel sorry for you.

Fireflyaway

I'd like to think I'd be like her husband. What a caring , patient and selfless man. It must be awful for both of them. Sure it wouldn't be the marriage I had envisaged but where do you draw the line? Do you leave if your partner gets I'll or loses thier job or has a terrible accident? If the answer is yes you shouldn't have got married. Too many people don't want to take the bad things life throws, hence why there is so much divorce.

Dird

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I feel sorry for you.

And I for your naivity if you think nobody has ever said something along the lines of "we need to marry before having kids" despite not being religious i.e. social conformity dictates

suzeesu2000

I have been extraordinarily lucky.

After living with this wonderful man for 22 years, he was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. The poor love had loads of surgey as the NHS battled to save his life and, fortunately, he won! yay him!!

However, the surgey and enormous amount of meds he now has to take along with so many illnesses which he has to cope with now, means that we have no physical side to our lives.

In 2014 It was a privilege to become his wife. Forever. In sickness and health. I love HIM, the man. And yes, years of chemo, radiotherapy, quantities of medication that would sink a battleship HAVE changed him. But, he is still an amazing person, and i thank my lucky stars for him every day. Some days are wonderful and some days he is confined to bed - this last bout is now the third week of him confined to bed, he gets angry and frustrated as he is still a young man (56).

I have had health issues during our time together and he never made me feel anything other than so very loved. Now its my opportunity to care for him. I am VERY lucky.