Getting into Debt because of Wedding Costs

Hi all... OH and I are early in our wedding planning stages. We haven't yet put money on a venue, but we're really in love with one. It's beautiful, and it's the only place we've seen that checks all the boxes. All but one - the price!!!

The place we want is £12k for exclusive use, including accommodation for 26 people for two days (we could recoup £2k of that from attendees wanting to stay), as well as the food and drinks packages. And then, of course, there's entertainment, the dress, the rings, the decor, guest transportation, clothes for the bridal party... the list just goes on and on. So we're looking at something in the region of £15k total in all likelihood.

When we first got engaged, we wanted to get married as soon as possible, less than a year. We've been together for 4 years, so it was one of those 'LET'S DO IT!' moments... but after discussing what we both wanted for a wedding, and agreeing that eloping was out of the question, we decided that we'd have to wait a year and a half before tying the knot because of costs. We're both from working class families, so we're footing the bill ourselves and we're also in the process of buying a house. Even waiting until the end of April 2018 to get married, we still wouldn't be able to afford this venue.

We started talking about getting a wedding loan. I was kind of on board at first, but owing money makes me uneasy. We'd probably be paying it off for two years if we don't overpay, which isn't exactly ideal. Has anybody done this? Are we mad to even consider it??
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  • spadoosh
    spadoosh Posts: 8,732
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    General consensus im fairly sure will be save for it.

    Ive got access to cheap credit (0% credit card) so will pay a fair chunk of our wedding on that. OH on maternity which doesnt help. My thinking is this time in our life is the most expensive whilst having the least income so am willing to get in to a bit (proportional to income and affordability) of debt to fund it.

    At the moment im trying to convince the OH we dont need a particularly affluent honeymoon.

    Total cost of my wedding will be about £8k though of which maybe 3k on 0% CC over 24+ months which should be paid back before any interest charged. We have lower than average earnings for a couple in ft work so its all about perspective.
  • Don't get into debt for one day! It's not worth it!

    (To be fair, the £10k-£12k mentioned made me go "yikes". That's your house deposit right there.)

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • Robin9
    Robin9 Posts: 12,055
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    You can get Married in a Church or Registry Office for less than £500.

    Don't get into debt - it's a bad way to start the rest of your life.
    Never pay on an estimated bill
  • To keep saving for this particular venue would take us over two years. We don't want to wait that long... I'm 32, and we want to start a family before I hit 35; I know it might be an outdated notion, but I kind of want to get married first because it fits the life event order in my brain. We've already saved our mortgage deposit, which is the same amount as the venue - that really gave me pause. We looked at a lot of package deals, and they all worked out similarly. About 2 thirds of the cost is feeding people and providing drinks for the toast.

    We don't want to get married in a registry office... and definitely not a church. We want to get married somewhere that means something to us and have our friends and family there to celebrate with us. Being in Scotland, we can basically get married anywhere with a humanist celebrant, who will charge £450. We're determined to do it outdoors, somewhere woodsy or by a loch. Finding somewhere that people could access easily with a reception venue and accommodation nearby proved impossible.

    I've looked at so-called budget venues, and I'm coming up short. My partner doesn't want a community centre wedding and wants a sit-down meal. Personally, I think a classy buffet in a cute village hall would be nice. I found a nice one in Kinlochard, but when we went to see it, OH wasn't a fan. He also wasn't a fan of building the entire wedding from the ground up.

    I don't know, I feel like I can't win here.
  • I'm with you on this one. If your partner wants a fancy sit-down meal, let him pay for it ;)

    The best wedding I went to was in a cute little church with a raucous ceilidh afterwards in the village hall - cheap booze and a massive buffet!

    Can you pare down your guest list for the meal at all? And have some just come to reception?

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • savvy
    savvy Posts: 31,128
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    I don't know, I feel like I can't win here.
    I got like that with ours............and promptly gave up! So not married and not interested anymore :rotfl: We too wanted to do something that actually meant something to us, I wanted select and smallscale, he wanted to go wild, were meeting in the middle reasonable well, but it was one niggly problem after another and I got disillushioned with it all!

    I personally would not want to spend out that amount, and certainly not put myself in debt for it, not a great way to start married life especially when you want to get a mortgage, and then not long after start having kids :(

    Are there any other ways you can compromise of what you want? Marquee in a field instead of village hall (I'm quite with you on that if it's a cool looking one haha), or dig deep and discover what it is he actually doesn't like about the hall and see if you can talk him round with compromises on it?
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  • Can you pare down your guest list for the meal at all? And have some just come to reception?

    We're only having 80... That was whittled down from 150 since we agreed we'd have no more than 80. We didn't even realise we knew more than 80 people until we started writing guests down and then listing family members and their partners. It's crazy how these things can run away with you. :rotfl:
    savvy wrote: »
    Are there any other ways you can compromise of what you want? Marquee in a field instead of village hall (I'm quite with you on that if it's a cool looking one haha), or dig deep and discover what it is he actually doesn't like about the hall and see if you can talk him round with compromises on it?

    Don't blame you from getting disillusioned. It's a crazy expensive industry. I'm up for a marquee in a field too, but the same problems come up. You have to hire in everything and you have about 5 times as many vendors (marquee, furniture, linens, caterer, mobile bar) and he's not up for that. He thinks it'll be too much stress / hassle with having to decorate from the ground up on top of that. I feel we can do everything, but I have a tendency to over-commit where DIY stuff is concerned.

    My friends that have had great weddings and cut the cost all had family who could contribute through skills, as well as parents who could contribute cash. We have neither of those things, so if I went the DIY route I'd probably be on my own.
  • The other thing to think about is - if you get a wedding loan then it will affect your mortgage affordability if you haven't paid it off when you come to buy a house. The money that goes out in repayments means the bank will deem you having less spare to pay for a mortgage, and will reduce what they offer you as a result. Don't get in to so much debt for the sake of one day, otherwise the day after it will be an epic hangover, and not just because of the booze consumed!

    I think you and your OH need to write down a list of what are "Must Haves" and what are "Nice to Haves". This means that you will both have to reduce some of your expectations, but you can see where you're both willing to compromise.

    Save some idea to Pinterest so you can show them to your OH and give him an idea of how things can be done nicely without spending a fortune. You say family can't contribute, but you've got a guestlist of 80 people, can you not find a few people out of them who'd be willing to help out with setting up on the day, or picking things up for you the week before? Not financially but time and talent, which will help reduce some of the costs? At a friend's wedding the sister of the groom made the wedding cake, for example. They didn't have a florist, so flowers were delivered the night before, and the bridesmaids and the bride's family got up a bit earlier in the morning to make the centre pieces and bouquets.

    We found an affordable place by Googling "cheap wedding venues in Essex". Managed to find a loft space in a listed barn that we've hired for most of a Sunday afternoon for just under £800. We've decided against an evening party and instead gone for an afternoon tea. My in-laws offered to pay for the booze and have since had friends of theirs keep an eye out for special offers on nice wines and the like in supermarkets, they've managed to save £400 so far, which wouldn't have been possible if we'd hired a place with a drinks package!

    Obviously that doesn't entirely count for you, as you mentioned your parents aren't able to help out, which is quite normal nowadays. But it shows what can be done with a network of clued-up people and some very careful planning.
    "You won't bloom until you're planted" - Graffiti spotted in Newcastle.

    Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind - Doctor Who

    Total overpayments in 2021 - £901.28!
  • Aced2016
    Aced2016 Posts: 293 Forumite
    I've been married 7 years and had the whole big white wedding. All in mine was about £14500.

    If I'm totally honest everything had to look perfect and be perfect, but really it wasn't for my benefit it was for everyone else's. Its all for show in my opinion. I hand on heart regret it all (not the actual marriage).

    Then two years ago I went to my aunts wedding, no where near our budget and it was amazing. It was all so personal and small scale, but it was the best wedding we've ever been too. And it was an amazing experience with all the little things she planned. And the whole thing actually felt like it meant something !

    It's up to you but I think we've all been programmed to do the same thing ! It's a total waste of money in my opinion. And If I could turn back time I would have just went somewhere cozy and simple with people who mean the most to me.

    Good lu
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,579
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    I really don't get all this 'must be perfect' hoo--haa.

    And if I were buying a property, that £12k would be ear-marked for that, not for just one day

    And I think anyone who gets into debt to pay for a wedding is bonkers.

    I got married for the first time 42+ years ago in a Registry Office.
    I got married for the second time almost 30 years ago in a Registry Office.
    We're still together.
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