Getting into Debt because of Wedding Costs

7roland8

Pollycat wrote: »

I really don't get all this 'must be perfect' hoo--haa.

And if I were buying a property, that £12k would be ear-marked for that, not for just one day

And I think anyone who gets into debt to pay for a wedding is bonkers.

I got married for the first time 42+ years ago in a Registry Office.
I got married for the second time almost 30 years ago in a Registry Office.
We're still together.

Couldn't agree more.

Madness to waste that money on one day when you are buying a property. Everyone wants the 'perfect' wedding - but you are married if you only have two witnesses in a registry office or Gretna Green.

Then why not all go of for a pub lunch and get everyone to pay for their own - all done for a couple of hundred pounds.


The trouble is people often want the fairytale wedding when really they don't have the funds to do it. We too did a registry office with 8 in total.

arbrighton

Do you want a wedding or to be married?

LEJC

arbrighton wrote: »

Do you want a wedding or to be married?

Thats a bit of a loaded question...

I can understand that some people want the big celebration and each to their own .....but I'm not sure its right getting into debt to achieve it.
Haggling is a wonderful tool if you are brave enough to give it a try and there are so many ways to have a lovely day without spending shed loads of money....some of the most lovely weddings I've been to have been the homemade variety,where everyone chips in a little bit and it becomes a real family day.

Do you actually need a 2 day wedding?...It's lovely that it looks like just a small family group of 26...but realistically will your guests all be willing to spend out on the accommodation/meals etc on top of the expense of attending the celebration...lots of guests think its a wonderful romantic idea to go away for a long weekend to a wedding until they know they are actually going to have to foot the bill!

Guest transportation...umm dont they all arrive of their own accord and then leave afterwards...trying to arrange their transportation is just throwing money at something that as a guest should be their concern not yours.

I've also been to lots of weddings over the years that all seem to swim into eachother and TBH I couldnt tell you a week after the function what we ate or drank...I'm sure it was nice but guests dont seem to place the same importance on weddings that perhaps the bride and sometimes the groom strive for,lose sleep over and end up paying a lot for.

Having said all that I was lucky to have the wedding I wanted (albeit a lovely sunny saturday in summer)without going into debt so I never felt as if I needed to do it again or that I regretted not having x or y....I hope I wouldnt have felt a smaller or cheaper wedding on a shoestring would not have meant I was any less married,or felt let down or missing out on anything....but even back then I do remember setting priorities for the things that did matter....I remember we spent a lot on our rings as it was something that we would each wear everyday...and whilst the dress I had was perhaps the most expensive thing I had bought ever at that time I was concious that it would only be worn once!
Photographs was another priority simply because looking back at them brings the day to life again.

It is the marriage that ultimately shines through but I do understand that when you're planning it perfection and the day seems to be high priority.

If I ever had to do it again,it would be a lot different next time round...no fuss but thats because maybe I had the wedding and have the marriage too....but the advice of person I am now is very different to the bride to be I was almost 25 years ago.

Hutchch0920

i couldn't do it myself, spending all that money on one day didn't fit with what I want from life so we have chosen to elope.

I would strongly advise against getting a loan. Several good points have been made already, not least the cost of raising a family and your intentions to get a mortgage which could be impacted. I also think £3k for the remaining items is a bit unrealistic. Photographer, band, dress, suit etc.

I'd start from scratch with the search, make some compromises and have a wedding you can afford. There's no shame in spending what you can afford and being sensible. This is a day about love at the end the day, let that be the thing that is in abundance.

Pollycat

TBH, even the thread title makes me shudder.
"Getting into debt because of wedding costs". :eek:

cashewnut

Hire a large function room in a hotel or pub? Had my wedding reception last year in a lovely, non-pretentious 18th century hotel. Package for 50 people was £2,500 for welcome drink, three course meal (which we could choose) with half a bottle of wine per person, tea and coffee and a sparkling wine toast. Paid another £500 for an evening buffet.

ceb1995

Look at compromises to save money, could you get married during off peak times such as during the week? Also do you need guests to stay the entire weekend? Either way that wedding venue is £500 per person (from someone whose spending less than £90 per person i could never understand that).
There are plenty of small changes you can make to save the pounds, for example silk flowers are much cheaper than the real thing, wedding cakes are hundreds of pounds, cupcakes on the other hand are much cheaper.
I'd hate to start a marriage in debt especially when you want to buy your own property. We've budgeted 5k for a 60 person wedding in october, and it's seeming slightly challenging to stay in it but I see it as one day where if we stay in budget we can hopefully afford to get a home at the end of 2018.

ScarlettKitsune

Just to clarify things for those making loaded judgemental statements... the marriage is what's important to me, but to us both, the wedding is symbolic. I don't want a fairy-tale, I just want somewhere that's outdoorsy because we both spend a lot of time. The problem is that the outdoorsy locations (even though you'd think they'd be cheaper) are expensive.

We're not doing a long weekend wedding, we just want to be there to set things up the night before. I'm already doing my own dress, my bridesmaids dresses, making the invitations and even making my own wedding cake. It's the location I'm having trouble with. We're usually city dwellers and none of the city locations seem appealing to us, though we're looking at a few park locations. I know a few woodsy places I could probably have the ceremony for free, but our relatives with mobility issues would never manage.

Because of the anxiety I've been feeling over getting a wedding loan (something which was suggested to us by a friend that did the same), we're re-examining other options. As a rule, I feel anxious about spending money on myself at all, and my OH's insistence that we'd be spending on the both of us did little to assuage that anxiety. But he sees how troubled I am, and is giving way on some things.

And then we've got my mother doing her 'keeping up with the Jones's' thing in the background above nothing else.

I actually thought this process would be fun... but the more and longer I look, the more anxious and upset I feel. I'm a people pleaser to the core, but can't seem to please myself.

DigForVictory

How much would it cost to hire a rugby team for the day to lift mobility impaired relatives about?

They get to raise funds for the club or whatever charity they care about, you get some unusual wedding photos, your relatives get located from point to point and the woodsy places are yours to enjoy.

I admit, lifting the phone to ask will be tricky, but if you don't ask, you certainly won't get & it could save you a bundle.

steampowered

The key thing is to try and think about debt rationally, rather than emotionally.

Taking on debt for your wedding is a perfectly sensible thing to do, provided that:

(1) the amount of money you spend is worth it,
(2) you have a plan for paying off the debt, and
(3) you take the cheapest debt available. For example if you can get a credit card charging 0% on purchases for 18-24 months, that will be a cheaper way of borrowing than taking out a wedding loan.

If the above conditions are met, I see no problem. You should not feel guilty about planned borrowing for one-off expenditure like a wedding.

It could be worth looking at a cheaper venue if the £12k is too much?