I’m taking control of my life, now.

boxofpaws

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

When you posted your SOA you asked if anyone had any other ideas and I was wondering if you had encountered Tilly-tidying on your forum travels? It's great for topping up without pain.


SL

I'm quite reluctant to make it more complicated than it needs to be, so I have set up direcr debits for round numbers to come out once a month. Is this a new thing, being able to do this? It used to be that you DD was either the full amount OR the minimum, so any extra had to be an additional payment which got me tied up in knots.


I might stick the straggly bits into the CF, and then at least its there if I need it

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Suffolk Lass that's the same principle as the VSP challenge on here -and yes, it works brilliantly! Our VSP last year ended up sitting at just over £300 and paid our car hire and food bill while we were away over Christmas. I usually round to the next £5, and I tend to sweep TCB money over there too.

Boxofpaws well done for making it to the layby. I have a memory of a similar incident from many years ago. A handbag was involved. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to remove my purse, phone and keys from said handbag ahead of the incident coming to fruition. A good thing too, there was no way I was going back in there afterwards.

I sympathise with your chicken seasoning also....speaking as someone who's recent kitchen audit turned up 8 cans of baked beans and 5 of kidney beans, along with a packet of sugar-free jelly crystals that went out of date a decade ago. :rotfl:

What was the jelly like?

StartingAfresh

I would also stay strong with your stepdaughter - when I was younger, my parents often bailed me out, and I started to expect it almost? Now, they know I am in debt but not by how much - and I am refusing to ask them for anything again. But, at 28, I feel like I am learning how to "money" - how to budget, how to understand outgoings - from scratch, and it's intimidating, and it's hard. I wish my parents had been a bit tougher earlier on, as much as I love them. I wish I had learned about budgeting earlier on! You're doing the right thing Support her, listen, to her, help with food etc if needed - but let her learn the lessons!

EssexHebridean

boxofpaws wrote: »

What was the jelly like?

Worryingly (?) tasted, looked and smelled exactly as normal. So we ate it. (And that one was actually out of date in 2004. I've got the 2008 one still to come...! :rotfl:)

boxofpaws

Jonesy88 wrote: »

Aww I'd stay strong with your step daughter. I don't have kids but aged 19, (nearly 10 years ago, oh god I just made myself feel old, am I a proper adult now?), anyway, aged 19 I went to uni in the day and worked in a call centre at night. If anything working and studying kept me focused as I didn't have the time to procrastinate! But at 19, I didn't have any real responsibilities, if I ran out of money bad things wouldn't happen. Instead I would just have to wait until next pay day and learn to budget better the next month.

Nothing bad will happen to her. She needed money to get her boyfriend a birthday present. His birthday has always been this week, so its not an unexpected event that she needs bailing out of.

117pauline wrote: »

I would keep saying no because that is the only way she will learn. Perhaps you can offer some encouragement and advice on budgetting and prioritising. Saying no is difficult but look at the number of people here on the boards who have got used to parental bailouts which in the end stop. And yes, I have been in that situation with both my own son and OH's children. I am pretty sure he still sends them money (late 20s/early30s) but as our finances are separate, I can't complain.

I believe you bring up children to leave home and stand on their own two feet. Help them accumulate life skills to manage their world.

Just a thought - why don't you add a "work collection" section to your SOA next time you redo it?

I was really hoping it was a one-off! It needs to come out of the £500+ every month if it isn't

Deleted_User wrote: »

Hi BoP,

Love the plan for the week.

Hope step-daughter sorts herself out, I do see where you're coming from xx

If she doesn't want to earn extra, and she can only afford going out OR a present for her boyfriend, its up to her which one she picks.

boxofpaws

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Pauline's nailed it I think - speaking from experience I can honestly say that I appreciate the advice and support I got from my parents when I had debts far more than I would have appreciated a bail out. I appreciate that your SD isn't in debt, but giving her the tools to not get into that situation seems to me to be the best way of equipping her for life. (And no, she won't appreciate it now, but I bet she will in the future!)

I don't think she will appreciate it, ever. :rotfl:If I am perfectly honest, I am not saying no to teach her life skills, I am saying no because we are in £40k of debt. I am saying no because I cant afford to go out so don't want to fund someone else to go out. I'm not going to pretend this is selfless by any means.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

I was eternally grateful when my Dad bailed me out but the consequence was that we sat down and I learned how to budget with his help, and some of his systems. A lesson well-learned can be as good as a no, but if she is away, not so easy. You could offer to work with her so her money works better for her - it's half-term here next week.

SL

My Dad has completely bailed us out, when the husband was laid off. I hated doing it but we would have defaulted on our mortgage. He asked no questions, he made it so easy and I too am eternally grateful. My step daughter wont lose a house though, she just wont be able to get her nails done.

StartingAfresh wrote: »

I would also stay strong with your stepdaughter - when I was younger, my parents often bailed me out, and I started to expect it almost? Now, they know I am in debt but not by how much - and I am refusing to ask them for anything again. But, at 28, I feel like I am learning how to "money" - how to budget, how to understand outgoings - from scratch, and it's intimidating, and it's hard. I wish my parents had been a bit tougher earlier on, as much as I love them. I wish I had learned about budgeting earlier on! You're doing the right thing Support her, listen, to her, help with food etc if needed - but let her learn the lessons!

Next time I see her, I might just show her our credit card statements to completely blow her mind!

boxofpaws

I am deviating from my usual Good Things Bad Things format to post about my dream last night. I need to read this back every time I think we can relax on this debt busting.

I dreamt that the husband and I turned up to work (we work at the same place in real life) and the gates were closed and chained, and there was a note to say everyone was redundant with immediate effect. Even in my dream I was doing the calculations. Even if they gave us 3 months’ pay each, that would only be £10k after tax, which is a mere drop in our debt ocean. We would default within a month and be bankrupt within 3. We would lose the house.

I was so relieved to wake up but although that was a dream, the stark reality is that we are in an extremely precarious position. I get well-paid (or at least I think I am) yet I have no qualifications, and same for the husband, if something happened to our company, we have no back-up. We rely on this good wage from this job to maintain our debts.

We have to get this debt paid off and give ourselves some security and me some peace of mind.

EssexHebridean

It's something worth remember for people who both work for the same company, when working out figures for ideal-world emergency funds, you need to double the usual advised 3 months worth just in case that scenario occurs. Having said that, it really is massively unlikely - realistically if we were in a position where we thought it might happen our first reaction would be for one or other party to find a new job before it happened, wouldn't it!

It does say a lot for how much the need to sort your situation out is now settled in your brain though that the dream occurred in the first place - and yes, if you start to waver, definitely one to focus on!

boxofpaws

EssexHebridean wrote: »

It's something worth remember for people who both work for the same company, when working out figures for ideal-world emergency funds, you need to double the usual advised 3 months worth just in case that scenario occurs. Having said that, it really is massively unlikely - realistically if we were in a position where we thought it might happen our first reaction would be for one or other party to find a new job before it happened, wouldn't it!

It does say a lot for how much the need to sort your situation out is now settled in your brain though that the dream occurred in the first place - and yes, if you start to waver, definitely one to focus on!

Thank you EssexHebridian. Yes I would get another job straight away, and I would do (as I have done in the past) ANYTHING to keep working, but I don't think I would get my wage anywhere else. Although, I voiced this fear to a young graduate I was on a course with last week, who kindly assured me I was highly employable, what a sweetie

boxofpaws

Good things sine I last posted :j

I can't think of any, frankly

Bad things

• My job is getting me down. I really feel like it's affecting my health. I don't eat as well as I used to, I don't exercise and I am generally less active. It's because the hours are long, I'm working late and weekends just to keep on top.
• I have been away Wednesday and Thursday night, only getting home at 9pm on a Friday. I am really resenting how much the job is eating into my leisure time
• In order to travel economically for work, I ended up doing the journey home on Friday night 200 miles standing hemmed in at the doors of the train. Yes that's how I spent my Friday night.
• I have now been asked to stay away for another 3 nights the week after next.
• Because of all the expenses so far this month plus this unexpected trip, the cf (which was already depleted due to roof repairs) is now empty, and in fact, we will be short for the month unless I do something creative.
• Had to send money to step son 2 to put in his electric meter because he'd left his oven on all night. I'm glad this has happened, I hope he is learning some lessons on being careful and frugal.
• we have had too many superfluous spends this month (more later)
• Found out the step daughter has jacked in her latest apprenticeship (again). This is obviously why she's been asking for money more recently. The money we send her though is as an incentive to keep going, so obviously that will stop.

Sorry for all the gloom

Jazee

Boxofpaws, can you not ask your company for a credit card to put expenses on, so that you at least have a chance of getting the money from them before the card needs paying, rather than effectively giving your company a loan every month?

Sorry if my comment is out of order.