Relationship just ended

inpieces

Thank you everyone, especially primrose. It's a scary world when you have to face it all again.

pebbles88

Trust in what everyone has said op, it'll be a much less scary world without him, x

altojack

OP you've been given very good advice and you know yourself this relationship isn't right.

You will find it hard going on your own to begin with, it takes time to get over any broken relationship. One day day further down the line you'll think "who?" There is also someone out there who is so right for you, when you least expect it he will appear. Good luck and thank goodness you've made the right choice now. Stay strong and don't let him talk you round, ever again xx

Pollycat

Anybody who is verbally and physically agressive is not a good bet for a long term relationship.
And throwing your failure to conceive at you is unforgivable.

Of course you're feeling wobbly - 3 years is a long time.

I'd stay in the house if that is an option for you - financially and if he will agree to it.

It's good that your parents are supportive - maybe they are relieved that this toxic relationship has ended.
They can support you in ways that don't mean taking you back into their home.

Good luck and stay strong.
Ending the relationship really is the best thing for you.

Brightonsbest_2

Btw - I said I would not post here again after the third post but it is important.

Don't worry about it, but the ex may try and get back with you, hound you and possibly a little worse. DO NOT WORRY, JUST CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM YOU ARE FEARFUL AND THEY HAVE A DUTY OF CARE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU AND WILL GIVE YOU DETAILS OF GROUPS THAT CAN SUPPORT YOU. (UPDATE, THE POLICE, DOMESTIC VIOLCENE UNIT)

Sorry re caps but it is important but don't worry as you are better off without him, trust me and the others here

ATB

SkintTeacher

Quoting someone already:

Good relationships aren't like this.


They really aren't. The good times can be really good in lots of relationships but the bad times should never be abusive. You need to get out as quickly as possible as often relationships ending can be a trigger for an escalation in violence. Make sure someone who cares about you always knows where you are.

Use relate's excellent online counselling- you can do this on your phone through their website and be totally honest with them about what has happened to you. Oh, and one more thing - he is likely to use the dog to get you to stay so please don't let him. You may have to make a clean break from this one, but once you do you are going to soar.

With you all the way

Jess x

I

krlyr

inpieces wrote: »

I know i am a difficult person to be with, i do have high standards/expectations. He is a smoker and was when we got together - but over time i have encouraged him to quit for fertility/health/money reasons. I have also encouraged non drinking. This he says is me trying to control him.

This is him trying to control you. Making you feel like there is something wrong with you, and he is good for "putting up with it". There is absolutely nothing "high standards" about wanting someone you love to not harm themselves with smoking/excessive drinking. And you have encouraged, not forced. You haven't said "I'm leaving you unless you quit", which would be controlling behaviour. This is not a personality fault on your behalf, and do not feel like there is something wrong with you.

Jenniefour

OP - sorry for your situation. I imagine you know this is domestic abuse on a very serious level. What you need to know is that leaving a relationship like this is the most dangerous time - especially if the person leaving has been told their abusive partner they are leaving, plan to leave or they find out.

You would benefit from getting immediate support from one of the agencies who deal with domestic abuse, as well as your friends and family. You need a plan which will ensure you can leave without ending up in hospital or being injured in any way.

Good luck.

krlyr

Also, in regards to the dog, check out the charities listed on the Refuge page:
http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-about-pets/

You might also want to look at house shares as a temporary option to get out of there and back on your feet, many are professionals sharing so no worries about feeling like you're in a student house (but you may enjoy that too!) and there are dog-friendly ones available. You could check out https://www.spareroom.co.uk and tick the "Pets Allowed" filter.

skint_chick

If he was that keen to have a child with you he would give up/cut down on drinking and smoking without you having to ask. You're 27, you shouldn't be considering kids with someone who treats you this badly, how would he treat your children??

You've plenty of time to find someone who loves you and treats you well and shares your desire for a family in a stable, loving relationship. I left an abusive relationship aged 28 thinking the world had ended, no-one would be interested in me, and that I would be alone forever. A few years later I was married to the man of my dreams, and we've been together almost 10 years now.

It's tough when a relationship breaks up but you can focus on figuring out what you enjoy doing, what you want from life, and making yourself happy - the right person will come along when it's the right time. Maybe see about getting some counselling to help with your self esteem so that you don't end up with a similar man in the future.