Relationship just ended

inpieces

Hi everyone,

Today my relationship ended and i am looking for some reassurance that it really is the best thing. I am 27.

Been with my OH for 3 years - since day one we have been frequent arguers and quite fiery. OH has had issues with alcohol and goes to drink whenever we have an argument, Once he's had a few drinks he becomes very aggressive - verbally and physically, both getting worse each time.

We knew each other before we got together so therefore know all history. Verbal abuse often consists of being called a 'common !!!!!' etc (that i have never been i might add, nor have a lot of ex sexual partners). Physical often consists of getting dragged across the floor, hair pulling, throwing objects at me, grabbing my throat and pushing me in to doors etc. The household objects can be smashed up to - holes in doors etc.

We were trying for a baby and have struggled and been through fertility checks which all came back clear - during arguments i get called baron.

After a big argument one day i told him i was thinking of leaving him and that my spark for him isn't there really - i think after everything that he has done and said its ruined all that.

I know i am a difficult person to be with, i do have high standards/expectations. He is a smoker and was when we got together - but over time i have encouraged him to quit for fertility/health/money reasons. I have also encouraged non drinking. This he says is me trying to control him.

We currently rent a property together, in which i will stay in at a push because we have a dog and finding a rental property that allows pets is very hard, I can't part with him either as he's going to be the only thing i have left i am terrified of being alone. My parents are very supportive but moving back home with a dog is not an option.

I guess what i am looking for is reassurance and that its normal to feel this scared and alone, and that i will never have a loving relationship and my own family like i always want

inpieces

There has also been episodes of him hurting himself saying that i am doing it, holding a knife to his throat, punching himself in the face so that if i ever call the police he will say i have assaulted him.

Brightonsbest_2

Judging by what you are saying 100% better off without him.

Yes, it does indeed feel "scary" but time will heal, trust me.

Even people that talk big, EG "If he/she does this, that and the other to me I'd leave," as when it happens they are scared and broken

So, nothing wrong feeling scared/worried/etc - re your pet and rental, yes and rightly so most people dont rent to people with pets

Good luck and trsut me it will be worth the worry!

Brightonsbest_2

Btw, sorry, but thank God you did not have a child together judging by your post

ATB

Loz01

Why were you trying to have a baby in an environment like that????

inpieces

I haven't had a relationship like this before, I am attracted to the person he can be which is funny and loving. But more often than not i see the other person who is also inside him

tanith

Well rid I'd say.

inpieces

We were trying for a baby because when things were good they were really good. I wouldn't do this now.

hazyjo

Stay, but look for other properties that take dogs. Staying with him is NOT a long term solution.

The relationship is toxic. I'm sure even Fred West and Ted Bundy had their 'funny and loving' moments. Seriously, read it back and think about what you would advise someone else.

It's normal to an extent to feel scared and lonely - but it sounds incredibly extreme and I would suggest counselling.

You seriously do not need to be in a relationship with this man. Thank God you didn't have kids.

Jx
PS Good luck and stay strong!

Marvel1

inpieces wrote: »

Physical often consists of getting dragged across the floor, hair pulling, throwing objects at me, grabbing my throat and pushing me in to doors etc. The household objects can be smashed up to - holes in doors etc.

We were trying for a trying for baby

I don't care how this sounds but I'm glad you did not have a baby with this bloke after reading the above.

Dird

cjdavies wrote: »

I don't care how this sounds but I'm glad you did not have a baby with this bloke after reading the above.

Yeah it could have been worse. Hear lots of stupid women on JK with one kid & a husband they don't get on with, their solution being "maybe if there's a new baby in the house it'll bring us together again"