Relationship just ended

consumers_revenge

ada-or-ardor

First of all, I'm so sorry you've been through all of this, and well done for being brave enough to bite the bullet and end things. I assure you, based on what you have written of his behaviour, it is without a doubt the right thing to do.

If you had a daughter, imagine if she came to you one day and told you the actions you've just written had been happening to her. You know that you would know it was wrong. But perhaps because you had been together three years, and once loved him - maybe still love him - you can't see that for yourself right now.

What you have described is domestic abuse, pure and simple. Both physical, but also emotional (with the name calling and calling you barren). It is disgusting. You must stay strong because now is the time when he will use all his charm and/or aggression to win you back and regain control of you - this is the only way he feels safe.

You should definitely speak to a domestic violence charity like Women's Aid: they have specially trained volunteers to counsel you through the process of leaving and keeping the relationship as amicable and safe as possible. They may also be able to offer you some insight into why you stayed in such a relationship, and have left it feeling you'll never be worthy of a successful relationship in the future: this is usually a symptom of domestic abuse but often abusers know their target unfortunately, and its possible you had tendencies for low self-esteem and insecurity before you got together. They might be able to get you some counselling. If you want it of course. And as a previous poster said, they will probably have contacts who can take your dog temporarily while you sort yourself out.

And please, whatever you do, do not blame yourself. His atrocious anger and lack of control are HIS responsibility. You do not cause them. I bet people have disappointed you in your life. Made you angry. Hurt you. Irritated you until you want to scream. But I would put money on you never having hit anybody. Never having tried to strangle them. Do not get it twisted. There is no excuse whatsoever for abuse. If he finds you controlling or annoying or anything else for that matter, he is free to walk out the door - his reaction should not be what you have described.

I wish you all the best and please, take advantage of all the charities out there designed to help people like yourself. You deserve to feel happy, loved and safe, and you have taken the first step by writing here. If anyone believes your ex partner's behaviour is normal or justified, they would be absolutely crazy. It is not normal and you are doing the right thing. Believe in yourself. Love yourself and give yourself the life you deserve. This is not it.

Ada xx

heartbreak_star

You've been given some really good practical and emotional advice here - I just wanted to send lots of love and strength

HBS x

Slinky

I've said this before on other threads, but I think it's worth repeating here.

OP when you were a little girl, did you dream of your Prince Charming? Did he seem anything like this man? I very much doubt it.