At the end of my rope totally

Dreaming~Lilly

Thank you so much for your reply. It's good to know that I won't mess up chances to get benefits if I can't do a job, but I think that's my only option at the moment, real money is needed and it probably isn't the kindest thing or best thing to do for myself and my mental health I know, but I don't feel I have any other option, money needs coming in asap and money that will really make a difference to how dire the situation is here.

Freelance is just the title I am using for doing bits and pieces online on my CV. Just don't know if an employer would want proof of any of that, though it doesn't relate to the care jobs I'd probably apply for.

I'm really glad that even though you have had hard times in the past that you got through them and feel a better stronger person today, that is really good, I wouldn't wish for anyone to feel anything like this. I know what avoidance is like, it's how I've always gone through life because of the anxiety, though for me I've let it freeze me totally. Hope that you carry on doing really great.

Majestic1919

I think you should take it one step at a time and relieve yourself of some of the pressure that is causing you constant turmoil.

Make an appointment with your Doctor tomorrow and explain your anxieties, including that you have no income.

If you make a claim for benefits, you will at least know that you are on the road to tackling some major issues and it will then give you the breathing space to look for a part time job that you will feel able to do.

Each of these things will be a relief and is an achievement in itself, when things seem so daunting.

When you have been to see the Doctor and put in your claim for benefits, you will start to see the wood from the trees. Use this time to browse the jobs and also look on freecycle and gumtree to see if you may be able to find replacements for broken things like the oven.

Each appointment you make will empower you to take back control of your own life. You have made a start, so give yourself a pat on the back. Focus on every achievement, rather than being so critical of yourself because that is what is keeping you in this cycle.

You can do it - a bit at a time!

Dreaming~Lilly

Thank you for your lovely message.

I'm afraid that I can't do things slowly though, he's up arguing with me even now, he's been drinking, and is totally depressed, even more so than normal saying he's had enough, he's sick of everything, he's got nothing works full time, can't afford the rent or to fix the car he might as well be dead, I'm trying to say things can change but it's just putting me down rightly so I know, I would love to be able to take things slow and change things, but my time has ran out, the financial situation here won't allow it, we'll be out of the house if it carries on and that's on me I know, I can't take seeing him like this and knowing it's my fault more of less. he's saying he doesn't know how he's not cracked with living like this and why does he bother, why does he bother going to work when he's got nothing at all to show for it. I'm just going to have to apply for jobs regardless of how I feel, he can't cope anymore, I can't cope with all this. I'm sitting here trying to not cry in front of him. He says nothing will change. I need to make things right, I can't let him lose hope just because I've got mental health issues. He's crying now I really can't take all this. Just want money to give him.

Majestic1919

You may not be able to start earning as quickly as you would like to, so you need to make a start and tackle this head on. See your Doctor and (with help) apply for benefits.

Your housemate/ex understands your condition better than any of us and he has told you to claim benefits in the past. He seems to have been very patient and understanding, as if he feels a responsibility to you.
You really do need to get the ball rolling on this now, because even if you suddenly find a job in a week or two, the money won't come in straight away.
Not doing it is not going to help. In your situation, it is as positive a step forward as looking for and finding a job. Don't waste another week and then find yourself in the same position, which you will be if you put it off any longer.

Also, if it is rented accommodation, isn't it the landlord's duty to replace the oven and fridge?

Pixie5740

Majestic1919 wrote: »

Also, if it is rented accommodation, isn't it the landlord's duty to replace the oven and fridge?

That depends on where the OP is (landlords in Scotland have different repair obligations to those in England & Wales) and what the tenancy agreement says about white goods.

If the OP is in England or Wales and these appliances are freestanding (not built-in) and the tenancy agreement doesn't say the landlord is responsible for repairing or replacing them then no, the landlord doesn't have to repair or replace even if the landlord was the one who supplied them.

The British Heart Foundation shops do take and stock electrical goods so the OP (once the income/benefits have been sorted out) might be able to pick new appliances there.

Majestic1919

Pixie5740 wrote: »

That depends on where the OP is (landlords in Scotland have different repair obligations to those in England & Wales) and what the tenancy agreement says about white goods.

If the OP is in England or Wales and these appliances are freestanding (not built-in) and the tenancy agreement doesn't say the landlord is responsible for repairing or replacing them then no, the landlord doesn't have to repair or replace even if the landlord was the one who supplied them.

The British Heart Foundation shops do take and stock electrical goods so the OP (once the income/benefits have been sorted out) might be able to pick new appliances there.

What a minefield! After I posted, I did think about the possibility of it being an unfurnished let as opposed to furnished, but if the laws are as you state now, an unscrupulous landlord could technically provide something barely fit for purpose and the tenant would have to replace. I hope that doesn't mean that they would also have to leave the replacements behind if they moved, but I have a feeling that you are going tell me otherwise.

Hoping the OP makes those calls tomorrow. She can always stop her claim if she finds herself a job, but for now she needs that safety net whilst she searches for one.

borkid

Dreaming Lily so glad you're going to speak to someone. Might I tentively suggest you ask if they can provide EMDR or at least if it might help. I have used it to overcome anxiety ( nowhere near as bad as yours and in only one small area of my life) as has a friend. I know a couple of psychologists who are also very impressed with the results it achieves and in a shorter time than more traditional methods

Hope things get better for you in 2017.

Dreaming~Lilly

Majestic1919 wrote: »

You may not be able to start earning as quickly as you would like to, so you need to make a start and tackle this head on. See your Doctor and (with help) apply for benefits.

Your housemate/ex understands your condition better than any of us and he has told you to claim benefits in the past. He seems to have been very patient and understanding, as if he feels a responsibility to you.
You really do need to get the ball rolling on this now, because even if you suddenly find a job in a week or two, the money won't come in straight away.
Not doing it is not going to help. In your situation, it is as positive a step forward as looking for and finding a job. Don't waste another week and then find yourself in the same position, which you will be if you put it off any longer.

Also, if it is rented accommodation, isn't it the landlord's duty to replace the oven and fridge?

Thank you. I do make a tiny bit online and am trying to do that every second now, just really feel so scared about the benefits thing and my name is on the rent and council tax still as well even though we're not together anymore, so they'd take his earnings into account as well probably as if we were together.

He has been patient I know and I need to get money to help him now. Yes I've completely messed up, I know everything wrong I've done, I just want a job I can do and get real money to really make a change, I want a full week or month of pay to give him.

It's rented yes. But getting the landlord to do even the things he is responsible for is bad enough. We've had the fridge not working for over a year now and the oven for about 7 months.

Majestic1919 wrote: »

What a minefield! After I posted, I did think about the possibility of it being an unfurnished let as opposed to furnished, but if the laws are as you state now, an unscrupulous landlord could technically provide something barely fit for purpose and the tenant would have to replace. I hope that doesn't mean that they would also have to leave the replacements behind if they moved, but I have a feeling that you are going tell me otherwise.

Hoping the OP makes those calls tomorrow. She can always stop her claim if she finds herself a job, but for now she needs that safety net whilst she searches for one.

With the benefits as well, not sure what difference it would make me trying to earn money online and if that would matter?

Also if I did claim and then try and get a job I've heard that you can't claim again for the same reason so would I mess up my chances of that if I found I needed to?

Also as above, my name is still on the rent agreement and the council tax, we're not together but I think that would mean they'd take his wage into account.

borkid wrote: »

Dreaming Lily so glad you're going to speak to someone. Might I tentively suggest you ask if they can provide EMDR or at least if it might help. I have used it to overcome anxiety ( nowhere near as bad as yours and in only one small area of my life) as has a friend. I know a couple of psychologists who are also very impressed with the results it achieves and in a shorter time than more traditional methods

Hope things get better for you in 2017.

I'm just sad that the assessment on the phone is so far away a few weeks yet. I will ask about the EMDR thank you. I'd do anything to try and get the anxiety less, it's messed up my whole life so far and maybe all this is a huge wake up call slap in the face that I can't carry on like this, not that I'd want to. I just feel so panicked with everything right now.

candygirl

Hi hun
There is no way, you're in any fit state to even be considering working right now! You would end up back at square on, feeling even worse about yourself
It's brill that you've made the first step in ringing for counselling. however in the meantime, go back to the docs n get some more medication, to help you stabilise.Then ring and claim whatever you can to help you get through this dark time in your life.
You owe it to yourself, and your ex to start making these steps towards a brand new start.
Good luck x

Dreaming~Lilly

Thank you for your reply.

I know that it's probably not a great idea to try and get a job but I really feel there's nothing else to do. With what I said above this bit:

With the benefits as well, not sure what difference it would make me trying to earn money online and if that would matter?

Also if I did claim and then try and get a job I've heard that you can't claim again for the same reason so would I mess up my chances of that if I found I needed to?

Also as above, my name is still on the rent agreement and the council tax, we're not together but I think that would mean they'd take his wage into account.

and worrying about the actual process and having to talk to people to try and claim and then getting judged and I've heard so many are turned away anyway and have to try and appeal it.

In my mind I should just apply for jobs and see what happens and that's the only way to get out of this. Plus I don't understand all benefit things as well, it's all really confusing. I just feel like I can't breathe right now with any of it.