At the end of my rope totally

surveyqueenuk

Claiming benefits doesn't have to lead to a life of inactivity. Have a think about claiming ESA with a view to being placed in the Work and Related Activities (WRAG) group. You will be supported in getting back to work as soon as you are fit.

This will also mean that you will be entitled to free prescriptions. Plus, you will be able to apply for a loan for something like a new fridge or oven. They just take the repayment out of your fortnightly allowance - nice and easy.

I would suggest going to see your local CAB as soon as you feel able. You could even just print off what you have written here if you don't feel able to explain yourself properly. They will be able to tell you exactly what you will be entitled to and will help you fill in the forms.

I know society has a lot to say about benefit claimants but someone who is unable to work through illness (and you do sound rather poorly - please make that call to the therapist) and is fully intent on returning to work once they are able deserves help.

Dreaming~Lilly

FBaby wrote: »

I agree make that phone call asap.

What the IAP should work with you on is building a plan on the small steps that you need to make so that you can get out of the cycle of anxiety, but doing in a way that isn't going to be such a horrendous experience, it is only going to set you back. Instead, you need to make many little steps in right direction so that each time you go up, you feel better about yourself, and that positivism and energy that comes with it make it easier to go up the next one.

You are not going to wake up one day with your anxiety gone, your CV looking great and a job waiting for you, but if you break down what you need to do to get there, it will happen.

Wishing you well, you can come out of that cycle, you really can.

Thank you. I finally worked up to phoning them an hour ago. Have a phone assessment booked for the 23rd Jan the soonest they had.

I'm just so sick of it, it's been 36 years like this and I can't do the simplest things without being petrified. And thank you, at times it really seems like it'll never change and that is such a depressing thought and feeling as well.

arbrighton wrote: »

And frankly, I think you might need to consider GP and meds again.

They're not a quick fix but might just help enough to get you out of the cycle. THe doseage might have needed tweaking or you might have needed a different drug.

Thank you. I was on Citalopram twice, been on every dose of that. And the other put on weight so didn't want to stay on that I have enough problems and need to lose some weight as it is.

I just didn't want to hop from medication to medication as I know they all have side effects.

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

I am of a differing opinion.
Claiming benefit will definitely help with the money situation but will also allow you to feel more comfortable in staying as you are.

Your anxiety and fears will not go away by themselves. There is no magic wand to wave that leaves you anxiety free.
It is something only YOU can deal with and the longer you leave it, the worse it will get.

Try to look at your situation as a jigsaw.
Don't panic at all the pieces and scream "How the hell can I fit this altogether? It's too big/complicated/time consuming etc"
Look at the jigsaw and think "I can see all the edge pieces and I can probably put those together if I take my time and do it carefully"
Then you can step back a bit knowing you have accomplished part of your goal on your own through determination and effort.
Take each part of the jigsaw step by step, dealing with one small part at a time.
Eventually the jigsaw will be less daunting as with each piece in place, the next becomes easier and so on until near the end, you will be speeding though it without any trouble.
When the jigsaw is completed, you will have an enormous amount of satisfaction on your achievement and that you did it on your own.

So take life one piece at a time and don't worry about the things you cannot change right now.

There are hundreds of cleaning jobs out there, for example. Many of those jobs won't care about a CV or past history. So perhaps you can start out by tackling that small piece?
Take on a small cleaning job, maybe a couple of hours per morning.
As you work, you will gain confidence. You will start to feel better. When a wage is earnt, your level of self worth increases.

Then you can address other aspects of your life in the same way.

Thank you for that. And it does make sense. I'm scared of that as well, if I went onto benefits would it just enable me to stay like this and not push me to do things, right now I really don't feel I can do those things, but I don't want to stay like this forever either. I can't live like this forever, the past 36 years have been a nightmare. And avoidance doesn't work in the short or long term and it's always avoidance I do because of how bad the anxiety is.

I had CBT last year and he said what I knew that I use avoidance a lot to deal with fear and anxiety, but I know logically that by doing that it just makes the fear worse than actually doing the thing in the first place, logically I know everything, but then the fear and anxiety hits and it's paralysing.

I do tend to think of the bigger picture rather than steps. In my mind right now to get out of this financial mess I have to get a 40 hour per week full time job right now. That petrifies me to think about, I'm on the job sites all day looking, thinking what if.

I have done cleaning jobs before and care assistant in a nursing home as well, I was mostly fine with the residents it was just the staff and visitors that the anxiety went up with.

I really wish I had a job that I could do and that I didn't feel sick at the thought of going to daily. I want to work, I don't want to be on benefits, it's just so hard when your own mind is like a prison you can never escape from.

surveyqueenuk

Dreaming~Lilly wrote: »

I do tend to think of the bigger picture rather than steps. In my mind right now to get out of this financial mess I have to get a 40 hour per week full time job right now. That petrifies me to think about, I'm on the job sites all day looking, thinking what if.

Don't forget that if you were unable to cope with full-time work, there is help available for those on low incomes, such as Housing/Council Tax benefit and tax credits.

Also, I notice you said you do a few things to earn money online. Pop over to Boost Your Income if you fancy some ideas on how to up your earnings a little.

Fireflyaway

Go to your gp as there are many types of medication and sometimes it takes a while to find the right one. It if takes the edge of your symptoms enough to get out of a rut and move on its probably worth it.
Focus on what you are good at and don't worry too much about the gaps. If you start off with a part time job that might be what you need to break the routine and gain confidence. The money will obviously help with some of the aspects that are getting you down too. Try a job you don't have to think too much about. How about shelf stacking or picking and packing? Maybe even try a few hours of volunteering to boost your confidence and add something to your CV. Things might seem a bit rubbish now but you sound ready to take action and there is no reason why you won't completely turn your life around.

FBaby

I had CBT last year and he said what I knew that I use avoidance a lot to deal with fear and anxiety, but I know logically that by doing that it just makes the fear worse than actually doing the thing in the first place, logically I know everything, but then the fear and anxiety hits and it's paralysing.

Is there someone in your life who will be prepared to give you that gentle kick for you to take the plunge but also be there with you to help with the pain?

Your life is no different to experiencing one huge phobia and indeed, it is so hard to break free. You are quite a way there though, because for one, you want to do something about it, for 2, you acknowledge that the problem is your avoidance, and that avoidance leads to more anxiety.

CBT is about help with exposure which is inevitable to combat a phobia, but you also might need help with your self-esteem and strength. You will need help so that when you are out there, and you suddenly feel exposed, judged (or so you think at least), you can speak to yourself and say 'I don't care what the others think, they have no idea how hard work it is for me to be here doing the same tasks they take for granted. If they can't appreciate what it means to me, then I don't care what they think'. Don't be afraid to talk to people, you'd be surprised how supportive strangers can be when they understand what you are going through.

Another trick which I know is as cliche as it gets, but I believe really works is to ask yourself when you are at the hike of your fear 'what is the worse than can happen'. In 9 times out of 10, I have found that the worse is not half as bad as I feared.

I had a deep seeded phobia that I have managed to control. I'll never be totally relaxed when exposed, but I have gone from total avoidance to being able to bear it. The sense of pride and freedom I get as a result is certainly helping me. There is nothing like feeling you are breaking free from uncontrollable forces and that alone makes the fear much easier to deal with.

I really do think you can do it, you just need positive support around you to do it.

Dreaming~Lilly

dragoneye454 wrote: »

Hi there,

I too suffer from anxiety, depression, BPD and PTSD.
Some days it is too hard to leave the house, but other days I push.

This is what you need to do. I know it will be distressing and scary, but you will feel a bit of achievement for everything you do.

See if they will put you on the list for counselling. One to one may be what you need.

I know the pills haven't worked, but I have been on six different pills until I found the one that works and even then when people asked me, I didn't know if they were working or not, until I stopped taking them- bad idea.

Don't worry about the holes in your CV, you are covered under the disability act and they can't judge you for that. Getting a job, even a part time one, will be a good thing. It will push you to do things and will help you start to feel better about yourself.

I know the more I stay in the harder I find it to leave again so this will help with that too.

Also, do one thing at a time. Book an appointment- ok done, now lets look at that CV, get that done. The next day see where you are. Walk to the corner shop, buy a cheap item- know that you did it and next time you can do it again. You can apply online for a while and then venture out. Be honest with your doctor. They cant help unless they know exactly what is going on.

Try 'Remploy' for help with jobs, they will assign someone and trust me, it helps.

PM if I can help at all.

Thank you for that and sorry that you've struggled with mental health as well, but glad that you're doing ok though.

I do find that as well, the more I don't go out the more panicked I get about going out next time, especially if on my own as well.

I have phoned the IAPT people finally, my phone assessment is on the 23rd January. I will look at that site thank you. I will see what the IAPT people say, some say that they're for minor anxiety but will see what happens.

I just hate that I've got to this, that I'm 36 like this and have wasted so much of my life on being scared and feeling this way. But I know that it's what I do from here that matters as I can't change the past.

fairy_lights wrote: »

Why don't you want to be on benefits? It doesn't necessarily have to be a long term thing. If your financial situation is so dire that your housemate and family are having to support you and you still don't have basics like a working oven then no wonder your mental health is suffering.

The whole benefits thing scares me to be honest, well there's not much that doesn't. I've been on JSA when I was like 18 and that stressed me totally.

I've heard from people who claim for mental health issues as well that it's not easy and they judge every single thing, they're hard on you and the fear freezes me.

I hate that my family and person I live with suffers as well because of me, always feel so much guilt. It really is bad the financial situation and I accept a lot of blame for that, there have been other issues that weren't my fault but me not bringing money in is. And as much as we/I do there's still nothing that works much in the house and can't afford hardly anything.

meer53 wrote: »

Take the pressure off your family and housemate by claiming benefits, you can't expect them to support you financially if you're not willing to help yourself. It must be really hard for them too.

My housemate is my ex from years ago and I know that he's done more than most would, but I've taken more off him than most would as well. I don't expect anyone to support me, I never ask for anything, I go without everything and I ration what food is in the house for me and let him have the good stuff because he does work full time. And I feel so much guilt because of that. And want to put it right, want to give him as much money as I can and my family and then sort house things out here and then start actually living and having something.

Dreaming~Lilly

Caroline_a wrote: »

What are you living on now if you have no job or benefits?

I try and find what I can online to do and give all the money from that to him, personally I have no spending money for anything, I just go without things, when I have any money like for birthdays or Christmas recently I give him that as well because as I'm living here without contributing as I should I don't feel I should be allowed any spending money for me it's not right in my eyes so I don't do it.

Nothing works in the house and it can't be replaced. Dentists and glasses can't be seen to etc. I'm just so tired of it all like this.

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

Claiming benefits doesn't have to lead to a life of inactivity. Have a think about claiming ESA with a view to being placed in the Work and Related Activities (WRAG) group. You will be supported in getting back to work as soon as you are fit.

This will also mean that you will be entitled to free prescriptions. Plus, you will be able to apply for a loan for something like a new fridge or oven. They just take the repayment out of your fortnightly allowance - nice and easy.

I would suggest going to see your local CAB as soon as you feel able. You could even just print off what you have written here if you don't feel able to explain yourself properly. They will be able to tell you exactly what you will be entitled to and will help you fill in the forms.

I know society has a lot to say about benefit claimants but someone who is unable to work through illness (and you do sound rather poorly - please make that call to the therapist) and is fully intent on returning to work once they are able deserves help.

Thank you. I have the phone assessment booked with the IAPT people in a few weeks. I will think about the WRAG thank you, I know a lot in my situation want the support group but I don't want to be on benefits forever, I want to work and make real money and save for once.

I've just had it all my life, people saying that I'm not working through laziness which it really isn't, I'd rather go out to work than live in the living hell I do daily alone in the house.

Dreaming~Lilly

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

Don't forget that if you were unable to cope with full-time work, there is help available for those on low incomes, such as Housing/Council Tax benefit and tax credits.

Also, I notice you said you do a few things to earn money online. Pop over to Boost Your Income if you fancy some ideas on how to up your earnings a little.

Thank you. I just need to do something. I've tried so many online things over the years, going to sign up to what users do but scared because they record your voice, been putting it off for ages.
But need money desperately so will see if I can.

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Go to your gp as there are many types of medication and sometimes it takes a while to find the right one. It if takes the edge of your symptoms enough to get out of a rut and move on its probably worth it.
Focus on what you are good at and don't worry too much about the gaps. If you start off with a part time job that might be what you need to break the routine and gain confidence. The money will obviously help with some of the aspects that are getting you down too. Try a job you don't have to think too much about. How about shelf stacking or picking and packing? Maybe even try a few hours of volunteering to boost your confidence and add something to your CV. Things might seem a bit rubbish now but you sound ready to take action and there is no reason why you won't completely turn your life around.

Thank you. I know one of my problems is that I think about too much, that I think I have to do it all at once, that doing it slowly isn't good enough, I'm really going to try and get my CV done tonight and see if I can find anything that I might try and apply to maybe.

FBaby wrote: »

Is there someone in your life who will be prepared to give you that gentle kick for you to take the plunge but also be there with you to help with the pain?

Your life is no different to experiencing one huge phobia and indeed, it is so hard to break free. You are quite a way there though, because for one, you want to do something about it, for 2, you acknowledge that the problem is your avoidance, and that avoidance leads to more anxiety.

CBT is about help with exposure which is inevitable to combat a phobia, but you also might need help with your self-esteem and strength. You will need help so that when you are out there, and you suddenly feel exposed, judged (or so you think at least), you can speak to yourself and say 'I don't care what the others think, they have no idea how hard work it is for me to be here doing the same tasks they take for granted. If they can't appreciate what it means to me, then I don't care what they think'. Don't be afraid to talk to people, you'd be surprised how supportive strangers can be when they understand what you are going through.

Another trick which I know is as cliche as it gets, but I believe really works is to ask yourself when you are at the hike of your fear 'what is the worse than can happen'. In 9 times out of 10, I have found that the worse is not half as bad as I feared.

I had a deep seeded phobia that I have managed to control. I'll never be totally relaxed when exposed, but I have gone from total avoidance to being able to bear it. The sense of pride and freedom I get as a result is certainly helping me. There is nothing like feeling you are breaking free from uncontrollable forces and that alone makes the fear much easier to deal with.

I really do think you can do it, you just need positive support around you to do it.

The person I live with is my ex from years ago, he has had so many goes at me because of it all, rightly so probably, but he doesn't understand anxiety and thinks I can turn it off just like that. So his method of trying to 'push' me to do things just makes me feel even worse about myself which I don't need any help with.

Oh yeah I definitely want to do something about the anxiety and my life and I know I avoid things, I don't want to it's just so hard not to.

That is really so great that you have done that with your phobia as well, I know how hard it is, and it's amazing that you've done so well, I really hope to be like you are one day. And hope that you carry on doing amazing as well.

Caroline_a

Right, so if I've got this right, you live with your ex who totally supports you apart from a few bits and pieces that you earn online. I have to say that whatever your immediate issues, he must be a bit fed up of this.

My initial advice would be to start getting out of the house. You say you barely do this - I know of at least 3 people who were diagnosed with depression and anxiety, only to be found that it was a Vitamin D deficiency. This time of year there isn't enough strong sun in the UK to work, but it will help as spring and summer come in and you get fitter. Ask your GP also to recommend a multi vitamin. I take Berocca which is quite pleasant dissolved and it's made a huge difference. The other friends I spoke of are now on no forms of medication and have got their lives back!

Once you start feeling a little better and fitter things overall will look better and you can start planning the rest of your life. I understand that the test for Vit D deficiency, although just a blood test is an expensive one which is why many GPs are reluctant to do it and just dole out anti-depressants, treating the symptom rather than the cause.

Mojisola

Caroline_a wrote: »

I understand that the test for Vit D deficiency, although just a blood test is an expensive one which is why many GPs are reluctant to do it and just dole out anti-depressants, treating the symptom rather than the cause.

It's not very expensive -
http://vitamindtest.org.uk/index.html