At the end of my rope totally

System

Lists.

My CPN had a thing for me making lists. At the time i couldn;t understand why she seemed to have an obsession with them, but looking back i now understand. She knew that i was trying to deal with too many things at once. I was trying to keep a roof over my head/maintain a flat, i was trying to deal with debt and no money, i was trying to deal with a bad relationship, everchanging medication and depressive episodes that left me unable to do anything. What she (and the lists) helped me do was break down things into more manageable chunks and prioritize them (and also learn that im not wonderwoman and can;t do everything at once).

You've already ticked off one thing which was call the IAPT people. Thats a good start. Why? Because reaching out is one of the hardest things to do but YOU DID IT and now you have an appointment.

Money seems to be the next thing to tackle. You say you need 40hr a week job, and i'm not saying thats not possible but in order to make it possible you need to prioritize sorting out your health. Not feeling stable and forcing yourself to work full time is a recipie for disaster. Trust me. It nearly killed me doing that. I ended up having a full on sucidal breakdown. (Not saying that would happen! Just trying to emphazie that its important to be in the right mindset).

Granted you don;t want to claim benefits, but they are there as a safety net. I was on esa for a few years whilst i put myself back together and found medication that worked. I could only go back to work part time but thankfully tax credits lifts the burden somewhat. Plus you would get free prescriptions which means if you wanted to you could try other medication (i tried about 15 different ones before i found the ones that worked for me, not all had bad side effects). Right now you need some space to clear your head and time for any help you seek to work, so please consider it as it would at least temporarily relieve some of the financial burden you are under.

However if you really don;t feel comfortable claiming, how about looking for part time work? If you've been out of work a while it can be difficult to adjust but it would ease you back in and in some places you get more hours anyway (My contract is 16 hours but i usually get 22+, more at busier times), plus it gives you something for your CV and brings some money in (you'd probably get help with housing benefit towards the rent). If you feel you're coping ok then look for full time jobs, (i;ve always been told its easier to find a job when you already have one)

I think coping with mental health problems is in large a balencing act, you need to be able to manage your needs whilst not overloading yourself to the point you can;t help. Use whatever tools you can to find your balance.

Caroline_a

Mojisola wrote: »

It's not very expensive -
http://vitamindtest.org.uk/index.html

I wasn't sure, but a nurse told me that! Maybe compared with other blood tests it is? Whichever, one of my acquaintances who had a severe Vit D deficiency was told by every GP she saw that she had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and depression. All the symptoms were the same! She finally saw a GP who had an interest in CFS and helped her - 2 months on she was totally back to normal!!

Mojisola

Caroline_a wrote: »

I wasn't sure, but a nurse told me that! Maybe compared with other blood tests it is?

It's got to be cheaper than regular prescriptions for anti-depressants or, as in your acquaintance's case, regular appointments with GPs which could have been avoided - but that's a problem with the NHS and a discussion which will take Dreaming~Lilly's thread off topic.

arbrighton

Mojisola wrote: »

It's got to be cheaper than regular prescriptions for anti-depressants or, as in your acquaintance's case, regular appointments with GPs which could have been avoided - but that's a problem with the NHS and a discussion which will take Dreaming~Lilly's thread off topic.

Depends. If OP actually claims the relevant benefits, they may be eligible for free prescriptions or could get a pre payment card which makes them cheaper.

OP, you're going to have to do something. You're sponging off someone else, who is struggling. Even when I was at my most depressed/ anxious, that would have made me feel worse. And if you've tried a grand total of 2 medications, then there really is a lot more that could be tried. And they might just be the thing to get you onto the even keel to start making positive changes.

And you don't want to claim benefits/ it frightens you a bit/ you've heard they treat MH people badly. erm, not always, and actually the system is there for you. Plus by claiming the benefits, there might be support with council tax/ rent etc etc

Mojisola

arbrighton wrote: »

Depends. If OP actually claims the relevant benefits, they may be eligible for free prescriptions or could get a pre payment card which makes them cheaper.

I was talking about the cost to the NHS rather Dreaming~Lilly.

arbrighton

Apologies, wasn't clear from your post. But I don't think going to GP is a bad idea in this case at all

Archergirl

Well you have made a good start to 2017 you have an appointment. In an ideal world what sort of job would you like?
Is there a walking club you could join, we have one that is free to go to, if you ask in your library they may know. It would get you out but with people to talk to and get to know.

Dreaming~Lilly

Caroline_a wrote: »

Right, so if I've got this right, you live with your ex who totally supports you apart from a few bits and pieces that you earn online. I have to say that whatever your immediate issues, he must be a bit fed up of this.

My initial advice would be to start getting out of the house. You say you barely do this - I know of at least 3 people who were diagnosed with depression and anxiety, only to be found that it was a Vitamin D deficiency. This time of year there isn't enough strong sun in the UK to work, but it will help as spring and summer come in and you get fitter. Ask your GP also to recommend a multi vitamin. I take Berocca which is quite pleasant dissolved and it's made a huge difference. The other friends I spoke of are now on no forms of medication and have got their lives back!

Once you start feeling a little better and fitter things overall will look better and you can start planning the rest of your life. I understand that the test for Vit D deficiency, although just a blood test is an expensive one which is why many GPs are reluctant to do it and just dole out anti-depressants, treating the symptom rather than the cause.

Thank you. Yes he is very fed up of living like this and as I just said on my other thread on the jobs board I can't keep doing this to him, no matter what's he's done to me in the past he doesn't deserve to be this unhappy because of me. The car broke down today and he's in bits because he can't afford to get it fixed or even looked at. Is stressing about not being able to pay the rent and getting evicted. I've made such a mess of everything, my life is total crap and I'm hurting others as well, not on purpose but his life is that crap because of me as well. And I can't do that to him, I can't not care.

I will ask the doctor about the Vitamin D test thank you. And it is hard going out but I have forced myself now all bar one day since the 1st to go on a walk.

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Lists.

My CPN had a thing for me making lists. At the time i couldn;t understand why she seemed to have an obsession with them, but looking back i now understand. She knew that i was trying to deal with too many things at once. I was trying to keep a roof over my head/maintain a flat, i was trying to deal with debt and no money, i was trying to deal with a bad relationship, everchanging medication and depressive episodes that left me unable to do anything. What she (and the lists) helped me do was break down things into more manageable chunks and prioritize them (and also learn that im not wonderwoman and can;t do everything at once).

You've already ticked off one thing which was call the IAPT people. Thats a good start. Why? Because reaching out is one of the hardest things to do but YOU DID IT and now you have an appointment.

Money seems to be the next thing to tackle. You say you need 40hr a week job, and i'm not saying thats not possible but in order to make it possible you need to prioritize sorting out your health. Not feeling stable and forcing yourself to work full time is a recipie for disaster. Trust me. It nearly killed me doing that. I ended up having a full on sucidal breakdown. (Not saying that would happen! Just trying to emphazie that its important to be in the right mindset).

Granted you don;t want to claim benefits, but they are there as a safety net. I was on esa for a few years whilst i put myself back together and found medication that worked. I could only go back to work part time but thankfully tax credits lifts the burden somewhat. Plus you would get free prescriptions which means if you wanted to you could try other medication (i tried about 15 different ones before i found the ones that worked for me, not all had bad side effects). Right now you need some space to clear your head and time for any help you seek to work, so please consider it as it would at least temporarily relieve some of the financial burden you are under.

However if you really don;t feel comfortable claiming, how about looking for part time work? If you've been out of work a while it can be difficult to adjust but it would ease you back in and in some places you get more hours anyway (My contract is 16 hours but i usually get 22+, more at busier times), plus it gives you something for your CV and brings some money in (you'd probably get help with housing benefit towards the rent). If you feel you're coping ok then look for full time jobs, (i;ve always been told its easier to find a job when you already have one)

I think coping with mental health problems is in large a balencing act, you need to be able to manage your needs whilst not overloading yourself to the point you can;t help. Use whatever tools you can to find your balance.

Thank you, that's my issue as well I try and do everything at once and it seems impossible and I get so worked up that I just get in more of a mess and muddled what to do.

I do feel better I phoned the IAPT people. It's just needing money asap right now, as I also said on my other thread on the jobs board, maybe it's not about my mental health anymore, after all these years does that matter anymore, it's who I'm hurting and bringing down as well in the process of me being like this, and I can't take that anymore, I need money to give him, need to stop living like this, I don't ask for anything anyway, I ration what food I have in the cupboard, but still I'm living here while he pays for everything and we're not even together not that, that would be any better but, he shouldn't have to live like this.

Thank you. I'm actually sitting here through crying and doing my CV, I need something soon, I'm scared to death to apply, but what else can I do, it's so bad now that it's either that or we're out of this house. It feels like I'm going to have to ignore how I feel and just do it because if I don't.

arbrighton wrote: »

Depends. If OP actually claims the relevant benefits, they may be eligible for free prescriptions or could get a pre payment card which makes them cheaper.

OP, you're going to have to do something. You're sponging off someone else, who is struggling. Even when I was at my most depressed/ anxious, that would have made me feel worse. And if you've tried a grand total of 2 medications, then there really is a lot more that could be tried. And they might just be the thing to get you onto the even keel to start making positive changes.

And you don't want to claim benefits/ it frightens you a bit/ you've heard they treat MH people badly. erm, not always, and actually the system is there for you. Plus by claiming the benefits, there might be support with council tax/ rent etc etc

I should have done something years ago and I'm so annoyed at myself that I didn't, the fear takes over and I've tried medication and therapy, I don't want to sponge off anyone, he says that I do that as well, and even though I don't ask for any money ever or anything, he's still paying the bills and rent and is struggling a lot, I can't do that to him anymore, I really wish I could just make a wage and give it all to him I would.

He's been telling me or having a go at me to apply for benefits for years, but I've let fear stop me, I don't know how he can still look at me, but I want to make things right, I want to make his life better so he can get a life of his own and be happy and not have to worry about money this much because of me. I hate it.

Dreaming~Lilly

Archergirl wrote: »

Well you have made a good start to 2017 you have an appointment. In an ideal world what sort of job would you like?
Is there a walking club you could join, we have one that is free to go to, if you ask in your library they may know. It would get you out but with people to talk to and get to know.

I don't even know to be honest with you. I love working with animals but there's isn't much around here. I liked the nursing home in as much as making the residents lives a little happier and better, but it did depress me as well seeing them like that and knowing what a miserable future I'm heading for as well.

I was thinking of trying to volunteer, but now all this has happened with the car and going into his overdraft again, I'm going to have to force myself to get a job outside regardless of how I feel.

Thank you for your suggestions and reply as well very kind.
_______________________________

Thank you to all for replying and being so nice.

If I did force myself to try and get a job and found that I couldn't handle it, would I still be able to apply for benefits or would they not allow that because I'd had a job etc?

I'm going to try and get my CV done, not sure if they'd want proof of if I put freelance work down as well as caring for my mum.

[Deleted User]

Dreaming~Lilly wrote: »

If I did force myself to try and get a job and found that I couldn't handle it, would I still be able to apply for benefits or would they not allow that because I'd had a job etc?

I'm going to try and get my CV done, not sure if they'd want proof of if I put freelance work down as well as caring for my mum.

Whilst not so sure what type of work you are or would consider and I've just had to look up what freelancer meant and still might not get it :o:o my experience has been if you aren't confident in a job and it really shows, resulting in the chat being told "Afraid we need to let you go as it's not working" you WILL qualify for benefits.

This happened to me in July of 2015 when things come to a head 5 days into a new job when I wasn't in the right mind set and more mouse like. Fortunately it didn't have a dominio effect though I do even remember going to my doctors over it, while I can't put my finger exactly on it, 18 months on gladly I don't feel anything like that person. Don't get me wrong I'll avoid situations that might make me feel like that again which is why I don't know that going to a job under confident is the best or kindest thing to do to yourself.