Sashybo - Back Again

beanielou

Say no to the beer! 

jwil

Well done on running with a hangover!

sashybo

😂 yes Beanie, I need to remember to just say no!

Thanks jwil, it wasn't as bad as it was day 2 of the hangover, no way could I have done it with the initial hangover. 🤢 Mind you I have had 3 day - week long hangovers before so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I really need to stop thinking I'm late teens/early twenties and can handle drinking a lot when I'm not and I can't!

Well we got a new (to me) car and took out a loan for it as the interest on the car finance was near enough 10% and we didn't want to mess about with PCP either. The loan was painful as it's for £16k over 5 years at 6.3% and doubles our debt. 😢 The newer car will hopefully be more reliable/less in need of work every time it goes in for MOT or servicing!

DH's car also failed its MOT as it needed two new tyres so that was another £500 bill, luckily not due until our next pay and we have £400 towards it already. We are always so unlucky with car repairs for some reason.

We sold the old car, only got £4k for it due to damage and a few further things wrong with it that we didn't even know about. 😩 We had been hoping for nearer £5k. But anyway we used that money to clear the remainder of the old car's loan, paid the lower CC off in full and paid off half of the other CC, the 0% runs out in November so we should be able to clear it by then. 

Our debt repayments aren't actually much different with the loan as we haven't got the old loan and one of the CC's now. We'd hoped to get rid of both CC's but at least we have halved the remaining one's balance and will be working towards getting rid of it completely before the 0% runs out. Any extra money we get will be going towards the new loan though as it has the highest interest and balance now.

I'm not thrilled about taking on this much more debt but I'm glad not to have to deal with worrying about the old car having something going wrong with it and how to afford to repair it. 

Went for another run this morning, had to force myself out the door but was glad I did it in the end. I've pulled/strained my left glute though, it's been sore the last 2 days but wasn't too bad this morning until I got to 3.5km and then started playing up a bit. I managed to get to 5k anyway as was heading back towards home by that point. 

sashybo

Have been feeling quite down for the last week, not entirely sure why but think it's a combination of things. I never seem to get anything done in the house and feel like it's a giant mess, despite only working 2/3 days a week. We still have the rooms upstairs to paint and carpet to replace, doubt we will manage the carpet this year as it will be pricey to do the stairs and the all the bedrooms.

The debt doubling is also quite depressing but that was our choice I suppose and we just need to get on with it. On the plus side we are still staying out of the overdraft and budgeting by putting set amounts into savings for cars/house/cats/birthdays/christmas/holidays etc every payday. DH is a (mostly) reformed character with spending as he has his own spending money and now has to think about it rather than putting it all on a CC.

I'm also down about my job again as it feels like a dead end and it's boring but I won't get the same pay anywhere else for the hours I do (18.5 hours a week). I feel like I can't move anywhere else in the same industry as they'll want full time and it would be very tricky to do with DH's shifts changing every week!

I can't ask my mum to do more childcare than she already does as she's struggling with anxiety and her health, she doesn't drive either which makes it harder for pick up and drop off. There isn't paid childcare for the hours I might need as not necessarily 9-5 plus we would struggle to afford it. I don't think I could handle the stress of all the juggling. 😩

DH keeps bringing up "when you go back to work full time" and doesn't seem to compute how hard it will be on all of us. My confidence is at rock bottom regarding work and I just cry every time he brings it up. I feel like a loser as everyone else I know seems to have a career and I just have a boring job to pay part of the bills. I've never been massively ambitious or anything but I know I have the brains to do more than I'm doing which is frustrating. I've just been trying to get on with things and not think about it but I feel bad every time DH brings it up. He just veers between oblivious and confused over my reaction. 🤦‍♀️ 

Have hung up one washing, put another on and put another away so far today, also put the recycling, dirty cat litter and food waste out into the bins an washed some dishes. Changed the filters in the cat fountain and washed it all out as well. Off to work in a while and DH will be back from work shortly.

MFWannabe

Do you say to husband how difficult it would be to go back to work full time? 

Ask him how it would work? Child care etc? 

Does he know you cry every time he brings it up? You must tell him how you are feeling x 

jwil

I agree, put the onus on DH to find some solutions to how it's all going to work if you go back full time.  It's not just your responsibility to sort out childcare.

jokono

I feel similarly to you. Have been in the same job for a very long time, spent all my working life in an industry I actually dislike, but wouldn't be able to change it now without a major pay cut. Mr JKN changed jobs many many times but him being in the office full time was always the norm. I always worked full time but worked from home even before covid, always been responsible for the nursery and school run. Things have changed now as he is working from home most of the time so can help with the children more, but I feel stuck and dread being in the same job/industry 5 years from now. Which is very likely. 😓
My only hope at the moment is winning the PB million so I can retrain and do something I'd enjoy. That's not very likely. 

I agree with jwil and MFWannabe, share your worries with DH, might be easier to find a solution together. 

sashybo

Thanks all, DH knows how bored I am in my job and wants me to look for something else (full time though) but obviously hasn’t thought through childcare etc. He doesn’t need to because I always deal with it! If we talk about it he just says he doesn’t know how we would get childcare cover. Yes because we work odd hours and it wouldn’t be easy. I couldn’t even work the 18 hours pw I do if it wasn’t for my mum helping with childcare.

Last time he brought up me going back to work full time I’d had a couple of drinks & started crying. I think he was quite shocked but mostly he was embarrassed because we were in public! 

He knows I feel down about it but I don’t know if he understands how useless it makes me feel. I don’t think I could get a better/more interesting job to be honest anyway. I don’t want to work full time if it means I won’t see DH or the kids, which is likely as it may well be shift work again. I don’t have any real job skills to do anything else.

I think I need to wait until the kids are older (as in can get themselves to/from school with minimal parent/grandparent supervision) before considering full time work unless we are seriously struggling. He did agree to this but I just wonder when he’ll bring it up again. 

It probably doesn’t help that he is exhausted from his own shifts and I think he feels a bit resentful or that there’s more pressure on him because he earns 3 times more than me. The majority of his friends have wives/partners who work full time or are part time but with a high salary so still earn well. So obviously they can go on holidays etc & we just can’t afford that.

Sometimes he works 9/10 days in a row, different shift times every day. I don’t know how we would work around that with young kids & me working full time. 🤯 I’d more than likely be working shifts as well so not a straightforward Mon-Fri 9-5 either. Even the thought of it is stressful.

beanielou

Have you ever thought about a job in a school so you could get the majority of the holidays? 

sashybo

I haven't really thought about it Beanie, with my (lack of) skill set I probably wouldn't get a high enough wage to justify going full time. I used to do shop/call centre work and wouldn't make the same wage full time there as I do on a job share in my current job. I did try a PGCE course after uni and had a horrible experience in my first primary school placement which led to me leaving the course. It really damaged my already low work confidence. 😞 

I think if I went full time it would have to be in the same industry which means shift work for a lot of the roles but not all. I just don't have any experience outside my own department. There are lots of different jobs, I just don't know anything about them and don't have any confidence in myself to get a new job. It also doesn't help that I hate change and really struggle with it, it makes me feel so anxious I just want to go and hide in my bed. 😢 This is why I usually stop thinking about finding a new job and just get on with other things as it just depresses me.

Need to try and get a decent amount of housework done today and maybe some exercise, feeling down again and like I want to just sleep. Have hung up one washing, put 2 away and have another one on, will do another wash as well as got some new t-shirts and dresses delivered for DD as she has outgrown most of her tops. Will ask nursery if they need any for spares and put in the charity bag if not.