Frump to Fab 2017 - A Whole New World

lessonlearned

Good morning lovely ladies...

Thanks for all your support. I slept really well last night and feel much better this morning.

Went for a routine check up this morning and surprise surprise my blood pressure was high. But I explained what was going on and the nurse said but that i had done the right thing and that my blood pressure should soon come down again as the stress levels fall.

Ellsbel - sorry to hear about your work problems. Must be very stressful for you. Do take care and take time out for you.

It really is crucial that we look after our health......as they say in ASDA "when it's gone, it's gone".

Prevention is better than cure and if that means learning to take care of our own needs then that's What we must do. It's not selfish, it's common sense.

Lainey.....can't wait to hear about the horse.

Ellsbel

Thanks LL. I felt really upbeat earlier in the week but really miserable now! I've been offered a new role. It suits me down to the ground and it's very rare for me to be in the right place at the right time! However I've been told by a colleague that everyone is very annoyed about it:(
Also there's something I usually do because no one else wants to, that I'll no longer be able to so readily agree to, because I'll not have the time.
This has also gone down like a lead balloon.
I wish I was thick skinned enough not to care, but I do care and I'm quite hurt; I've never in my life resented anyone having a stroke of good fortune or being offered something I haven't, so I'm finding this quite upsetting, especially as I like working in this place and don't want to feel like I've caused a lot of upset.
I reckon my blood pressure is up at the moment too!:D


ETA: sorry; I said I wouldn't bore with the details but needed to vent a bit - I did try to keep it a brief as poss!!

Floss

Ellsbel you haven't caused the upset, it has been created by management. If your colleagues are in a funk because you're lucky enough to be given a new role, they should take a look at why they weren't given the job. And they are now panicking because they are going to have to do the task nobody wants now you can't do it.

lessonlearned

Ellsbel. Vent away. Lord knows I had a right old rant the other day. Don't bottle it up, holding in the pain and anger only hurts us more in the end. Think of your blood pressure.:rotfl: so by all means come on here and let off steam. It's our safe place.;)

And Of course you have not bored us with the details. I am just sorry that what should be a happy time for you has been spoilt by the behaviour of your colleagues. And of course you care, thick skinned or not, such behaviour is always hurtful.

I think One of the reasons why I was finally able to break with my sister is because I have been reading various physchology websites and a couple of nice blogs. I have been learning how to let go of the hurt and pain and even how to make my anger work for me rather than eating away at me.

I was recommended a book called "The Princessa - Machiavelli for Women". By Harriet Rubin. Basically it's about how to get what you want but without resorting to copying men. It's a more feminine approach using our own special skills. I think it was written as a business book but I think it applies just as much in our personal relationships

All this reading and thinking made the scales fall from my eyes, made me see the truths I preferred to ignore and made me realise I have every right to be happy.

If that means That I upset a few people such as my sister and her family along the way then tough..... I am done with people pleasing, giving in for the sake of peace and a quiet life. I don't have to follow anyone's agenda or fit in or stroke their ego. And I am certainly not going to let my sister walk all over me.

She's done what she's done. Legally I can't touch her and she knows it. So now she has to pay the price. She gets all the money she can get her grubby little hands on but she forfeits me in the process. She can't have both.

Ellsbel. Don't let them undermine you and spoil your success. It's Sour grapes. There is nothing so ugly as the green eyed monster (jealousy, envy).

So hold your head high and be fabulous. Dress for success and glide through your workplace like the queen you are. Let them mutter and mumble and be annoyed. You were chosen because you were the best. As Floss says they need to work out how to improve their own performance rather than try and drag you down.

When do you start.

Ellsbel

Thanks so much Floss and LL - I needed some kind words:)
Logically I know you're both right; I've not deliberately sought to tread on any toes and I'd hate to have the mindset that would make me huddle resentfully behind someone else's back if something nice happened to them; it's just a bit hurtful to find that's what's been happening. On the surface this seems such a friendly place to work but it would appear that it IS just on the surface and underneath it's very much everyone being out for themselves.
Spookily, I too have been googling psychology sites too, to teach myself some tactics to help rise above stuff like this:). I've given a lot of years and time to caring for others and putting them first - always being there for husband and kids, and for my parents whilst both went through periods of ill health. I regret none of it of course, but it meant a lot to me to land this job and have a reason to smarten up and a sense of purpose; even better was the fact that it added a new, and independent side to my social life - it's come as a bit of a blow to see some people in their true light but as you say LL, I must learn to rise above it - I've really not done anything wrong. The book you mention sounds very interesting.
I start the new role in a couple of weeks - hopefully everyone will have got over their anger by then!

Thanks for listening ladies:) x

chanie

elsbell congratulations on the new role.
I think that everyone in every workplace are out for themselves, no matter how friendly it seems. I work in HR and see a lot of staffing issues. Because we may see our colleagues more than we see our families, we become involved in each other's lives, but it's normally a fickle relationship, which is easily rocked. I don't think it's personal - if your colleagues weren't annoyed with you, it would have been someone else..

lessonlearned

Good morning lovely ladies........

It's a new dawn and a new day and I really am feeling good. I slept really well and feel tons better. So I am throwing away the pain and turmoil of last week and I am starting anew. (again!!! :rotfl:).

Last evening I went out with some close friends, had a lovely time. Of course they know all about "Sistergate" and have been so supportive and helpful. (The husband is something of a father figure to my boys and since my husbands death the wife has been more like a sister than a friend). They have been more family to me than my real family were. So just what I needed last night.

BTW. To cut a long story short, I have decided to buy DS2s house.

After all the searching and dilly dallying around........

He is moving in with his girlfriend for a while and, assuming all goes well, they will sell her house and buy a property together.

I am more than happy to remain here for another year or so. I will pay him a bit less than market value but he will still walk away with a nice chunk of equity to use as a deposit. We avoid a lot of fees and expenses and it will be a nice swift transaction for him so he can get on with his new life with his girl.

The area suits me well, we have nice neighbours, we have practically rebuilt the house so we know it's in good order, it's warm and cosy. The only real drawback is that it does have a very steep staircase typical of old Victorian houses so it can never be my forever home but it should be ok for another year or two.

So there you go ......I've finally made a decision. It should work well. The area is being regenerated and is quite "up and coming" as the estate agents would say. It's a great location in terms of access to shops, buses and amenities. A taxi into the city is just £5 so perfect for when I don't want to drive.

For the last few years it has become more gentrified and property values are rising nicely so there will stiill be some profit in this one for me when I'm ready to sell.

I think I will stay here and skip the "interim move" I had planned. Then when I'm ready I will look for a nice low maintenance City centre apartment. And it is so nice To see DS2 settling down and being so happy.

My work is done. :rotfl: Definitely a new era. I'm as free as a bird, just need to decide what to do with my new freedom. A bit of travel, maybe back to school to learn a language or some new skills, new hobbies, maybe a little business or some voluntary work. Who knows.

Anyway it Looks like we are in for some nice wearher and the muse is upon me. I feel creative so I am going to start painting the dining chairs. I can work outside.

Hope you all Have a lovely weekend.

Ellsbel

Thanks for the congrats, chanie, and for the very wise words:)
I'm adopting the mantra that if they're talking about me, then at least they're leaving everyone else alone:D

LL what a great idea to buy DS' house:j Seems to make perfect sense; sounds like a beautiful place, too
Having such good friends is a real blessing and the tone of your posts seems so much lighter since you've decided to draw a line under relations with your sister.
I love hearing about your plans so please keep us updated on your travel, learning and other ideas; the world is your Lobster
Have a good weekend everyone, whatever you're doing:)

lessonlearned

Thanks Ellsbel

Well done on your new mantra.....let them talk.

Yes I feel happier and more relaxed than I have in a long time.

And giving myself this painting project will help me focus on something positive.

now that DS2 is moving out I can "feminise" the house a bit more and shabby chic to my hearts content and put my own personal stamp on everything. I'm going to go a bit more "girly" and French chic.

I Shall move Into his bedroom which is the biggest and I shall have loads of wardrobe space - two whole bedrooms worth all to myself. :rotfl:

He is going to decorate his bedroom for me before he officially moves out so I'm looking forward to choosing colours. I have bought a cheap chandelier, brand new but £10 from a charity shop. I found some cheap fake pearl and crystal necklaces in another charity shop so I shall canabalise those and make myself a totally over the top decadent chandelier. :rotfl:

I had my health review yesterday. I am officially no longer diabetic. :T.

So onwards and upwards.

Right, coffee break over, back to work.......

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

LaineyT

Many congratulations on the new job Ellsbel think it says far more about your jealous colleagues that they have behaved this way, rise above it all m'dear and hold your head up high.
What a cracking idea LL and what a great project to get your teeth into in making the house entirely "yours". I have feminised our home as far as possible whilst taking my DOH's feelings into account . I picked up a fab book for peanuts on Am*zon called The English Country Cottages, it shows the interiors of various country homes and has given me a number of ideas to implement in our own cottage, not just ourselves that need fabbing
It's very warm here today, I was in W8rose by 7.30am to pick up the few bits we need and baking a lemon sponge by 9am to avoid a hot kitchen. All jobs now done and I am relaxing, reading and catching up on the world. I have on a cool linen dress, years old and fabulously soft so perfect for this weather, toes are painted, legs smooth but haven't reapplied make-up after my shower as don't intend going out again and like to give my face a 'rest'. I do have Green People's factor 30 moisturiser on though.
Happy weekend everyone x