From debt to freedom...

sashybo

Hi Honeysuckle, I'm glad you got to mediation and that it helped you. You're right that you'll need to adjust your perception of "normal" as you've been so used to your ex's bizarre behaviour and it's good that the mediation will help you with that as well. 

I hope that your ex will engage as it will make everything easier but from what you've said it doesn't sound likely. 😔 I hope that DS1 can start to see your side and how badly his father has behaved (and continues to). It must be hurtful to DS that his dad could have him to live with him but just doesn't want to.

It really is astoundingly arrogant and selfish that he refuses to pay any maintenance for his children. It really makes me angry just reading about his behaviour, never mind living with it. I admire how well you have handled this and think that you deserve a medal. 🥇 

VelvetFreak

I agree with Sashy, you deserve a medal. Have another one 🥇

janb5

Definitely add in passive aggressive behaviour,undermining you, intimidating you wirh his dog and injuring yours.  Having baths in your house.......
And it isn`t acceptable to ' step over the threshold''!

Humdinger1

Honeysuckle,  I can't tell you how much I admire you: your attitude,  the way you are getting on with it.  Agree with all posters above; this is such an important step in establishing the new normal and what healthy looks like for you.  You count in all this too because,  apart from the fact that you are in fact a person (ex may need to have a team of consultant therapists to hand if that penny ever drops!) without you,  the whole family ecosystem fails.  It's also going to be a massive shock to him when he realises that women have got the vote; and that if he doesn't wake up and act his age/accept his responsibilities voluntarily, a court will do it for him compulsarily.  You can so do this; you've declined the value he tried to place on you.  Well done!  We're all rooting for you.  Love Humdinger x

Honeysucklelou2

janb5 said:

Dignity will win the day as well as a overriding concern to protect your children from the fallout.

This sums it up completely. I want to protect my children first and foremost and hope that by acting in a courteous way, the children might see that respectful behaviour is most people’s normal and the way to behave, if that makes sense!

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you everyone for your kind comments . Humdinger - I’ve never thought of it like that, “declining the  value he tried to place on me “.  I’ve emailed the solicitor today to keep them appraised of the next step. 

We appear to be in in the midst of another storm.  It was sounding quite wild in the garden, so I’ve retreated indoors until it’s calmer.  I’ve rung a class company today to get prices for Greenhouse 1, which needs 2 panes of glass that is quite an odd size.  The glass I bought a couple of months ago won’t be wasted as I’ll use it to replace broken panes in Greenhouse 2.  Lots of tomato seedlings are up. I’ll wait for them to grow the first set of true leaves, then pot them on.

Honeysucklelou2

Got the greenhouse glass today.  I was pleased with the price and as I set off for the allotment, DS1 came home from work and was happy to help me carry the glass to the greenhouse and fit it🙂. One greenhouse is now fully functional - need the jumping emoji- and the other just needs a couple of panes sorting out tomorrow, but the glass is  already there. Feel like something has been accomplished today!

Paid a subscription for one of the DD’s after school sports club. It’s a one off payment, so shouldn’t need to pay again until next season. I’ve gone through all my spending for Feb and am pleasantly surprised that the food spend is less £500 which is less than the £600 average a month, I used to spend. That includes half the cost of a birthday meal out. No doubt planning is key.

Cherryfudge

Excellent news on both the greenhouse and the big underspend on food!

janb5

Hello HSL,
I`m guessing you have lots of cooking apples..if not maybe you could get some from the market.
I thought you might like this recipe which is yummy and looks as tho` you`ve spent ages in the kitchen!

                                             Apple cake

 5 oz marg/butter- melted

2 large eggs

8 oz caster sugar

1 tsp almond essence

1 tsp baking powder

8 oz SR flour

8 oz Bramley apples – peeled, cored and sliced (can use more!) I use about 4 large ones.  When you see them for sale in the market, buy and slice and freeze ready for this recipe.

1 oz flaked almonds

Demerara sugar.

 Grease a loose-bottomed round 8” (20cm) cake tin.

Put all ingredients except apples, almonds and demerara sugar in a mixing bowl. Mix well until smooth.  You don`t need a mixer and the recipe is super quick! Spread half this over the base of the tin. (Don’t be alarmed that there doesn’t seem to be enough- it will be and will envelope the mixture as it cooks)

 Spoon prepared apple over and dot with remaining mixture.  Sprinkle with almonds and demerara sugar.

 Cook at 325F 160C or Gas 3 for about 1.5 hours until pale golden and shrinking away from the sides of the tin.   Cool slightly before removing from tin.

You can peel slice and freeze apples for this recipe and this cake freezes well too.

 Serve warm with cream or ice cream. Enjoy! xx

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Janb5, Sounds delicious, I’ll make it this afternoon 😋