From debt to freedom...

Buffythedebtslayer

Your walk sounded lovely, whenever I walk the dogs, I ALWAYS end up over looking the motorway! 
And so pleased about the heating! How brilliant XXXX

Kitten868

So so so so happy about the boiler! I'm glad its still cold so you can enjoy it! Yes, I know that's mad. 

Dividing each debt by 100 sounds motivating. Keep going xxx

savingholmes

I think you show amazing grace. More than I could. The walks and the cooking sound really good too. You'll get there. I like your colouring square idea - you have to find what motivates you...

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Jan5b, Buffy, Kitten868 & SH.

I’ve downloaded a free app called Active 10 ( I think it’s the same designer as C25K but measures walking. I love walking but end up going mainly at the weekend and not much during the week, so I’ve gone on a couple of evening walks this week. Not as long as the weekend walks but I do feel more lively and motivated after walking than the usual post work slump! It worked well tonight as I came home, collected one of the dogs and headed straight out of the door, which being Wednesday ( ex cooking for the children night)  meant I could make the most of the evening light. I stopped to look and listen to a blackbird perched on a pollarded branch of a Eucalyptus tree...such a lovely sound as the bird was chirruping away!

Managed  a NSD today. I’ve not got even close to my target of 12 this month🙄.

Work has been busy, lots of extra meetings but quite a good week all told🙂.

The tomatoes sown last week have germinated. Considering the packet has been  inside a kitchen cupboard for at least a couple of years, I’m really impressed that these seeds have grown 😀.

lucielle

Well done on the walking and the seeds germinating.  I hope to get one of my veg beds up and running this year but will be buying in the plants.
L

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Lucielle.

Today hasn’t been as productive as I had hoped. Main task today was attending the mediation appointment. It was the first appointment so just me, but to give a background to the situation. I had been dreading it but surprisingly I felt much lighter afterwards, like I’d taken a pro-active step forward into clarifying things and getting things sorted out. The person I spoke to was quite incredulous when I described the current and recent behaviours of the ex and told me that most couples who have split don’t step over the threshold of the other person’s house. That was my turn to be amazed!  I’ve got so used  to what continually  happens, it has become my normality and I think 
I need to readjust my thinking into what normal should be, if that makes any sense. This meeting cost £75 and the next one will be about £200, including cost of documentation, that is assuming that the ex will cooperate. More to try and squeeze out of my paper thin budget 🙁.

My friend had kindly invited me to pop over after the meeting so was able to relax and have lunch with her.  The rest of the day seems to have consisted of taxi duty.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot more productive than today.

janb5

Hi HSL- is there a possibility of adding these mediation appointments to your costs so that ex contributes even if he decides not to attend.  It sounds as tho` you might find the sessions beneficial in clarifying your thoughts and also being aware of what is permissible and what isn't during this no man`s land( no pun intended!) of separating and divorce.
Why should you shoulder the cost and why are you continuing to pay for the children single handed?

And if divorcing couples dont ` step over the threshold is that a situation that your ds will accept as he has supported his father in the past?

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you  Janb5.  The mediation costs are per person, so he would have to pay the same amount ( which makes me think he won’t engage). The person did ask about maintenance and was  clear that he should be paying some. Not sure if DS will accept that. It’s almost as if the ex and DS1 need to hear from an official 3rd party what constitutes normal healthy behaviour in these circumstances. DS has wanted to live with the ex, which I have passed on to the ex but he won’t facilitate it...he could and has the means to, but chooses not to.

Kitten868

Bet he'd pay towards his keep if he lived with his dad too. 
I'm glad that the mediation is going well for you. Only focus on what you can control. You know he's going to pull a stunt to unsettle you. I expect that will be not to show and not to pay. The mediator will see the truth. They'd be very naive not to have seen your situation before. 
I hate that divorce is costing you so much but it's not forever. You will come out the other side of this xxx

janb5

Kitten 868- I think that`s a brilliant comment and HSL`s son will see as a LBM what the true state of affairs is.  This will be without HSL  doing a character assassination of his father.  Dignity will win the day as well as an overriding concern to protect your children from the fallout.