From debt to freedom...

Honeysucklelou2

On Wednesday I got my nephew's present sorted and sent to him ( Significant birthday 3/8!). I now have a little respite before the next cluster within the 8!!

I had a statement arrive yesterday that shows I had miscalculated the balance of my EF. Happily the miscalculation was positive in that I have £50 more than I thought I had which is good:).

A little bit of taxiing to do today, then possibly a beach trip this evening as the weather is looking bright and sunny . DD2 has an evening off work so is able to join in too.

crazy_cat_lady

I really think that your solicitor is giving you rubbish advice (and baring in mind the run in I had with my own solicitor yesterday the fact that I'm willing to back him says something). Yes, there is the legal aspect of owning the property - however, you are allowed to change the locks and keep him out of there if there is a good reason to. As you know, my ex is not allowed back into the house because he presents a safeguarding risk to the children. I would say that your ex's behaviour is a problem, and it's not like he's got nowhere else to go... He makes me so mad (your ex) because he's still controlling the situation. He's controlling your home, as well as how long this agreement is dragging out for. It can't be good for you.
Much love

Kitten868

Hey HSL,

Would you have to wait until he sorts out his things financially before you can change the locks or is it just your things and then new keys all round? Would selling the house speed things up or slow them down? That's also a factor in there for your next plans. And at what stage are you going to get a decision in principle to prove you can buy the house? Is that coming up soon? Keep plodding on with all the arduous steps and stages you're doing brilliant. I wish you all the patience in the world. You amaze me.

Xxxx

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL & Kitten868.

You're right CCL, until the agreement is sorted out, he is still able to exert control. I find that I take more steps in holiday times than term times and I have to really gird myself to take action. It was ridiculous how much I was shaking last week, just ringing the mortgage company to request a statement.

Kitten, from what I understand from the solicitor. The locks can be changed once the future of the house is dealt with. If I am able to stay then I think locks get changed on completion of the agreement. Sorting out the mortgage broker is the next job on my holiday list. Part of me is worried that I won't be able to get enough of a mortgage to stay but then I guess I'll know for sure that selling and moving elsewhere is the right thing to do and I'll have a better idea of budget.

Honeysucklelou2

Today has been taken up with a fair amount of taxiing. 2 children in 2 different directions took most of the morning. I did a Mr T shop and am quite surprised by the prices. Things like own brand breakfast cereal has increased by 30p a box. It's not just 1 or 2p here and there. I jotted down a menu plan yesterday so had something in mind as I was walking around...always helps!

This evening we went to my favourite beach and had tea there.The sea was like a millpond, beautifully calm with small waves lapping at the shore. Not a good beach for surfing but excellent for swimming and paddle boarding which is what my lot wanted to do . The tide was going out so DS3 and I looked at the wave lines left in the sand by each receding wave...amazing! DD2 was very gracious and took all her siblings out on her paddle board in turn. They were in the water for about 21/2 hours! I love being there as I can totally relax and drink in the beauty, peace and calmness of the place. A perfect evening!

Kitten868

I would say get your appointment booked with a broker and find out what your future holds. If you can't afford to keep the house on your own you can sell the house and move on quicker without being held to ransom.
Once you know what the situation is you can be clear on what you're doing with your debts going forward too. And you can start to deal with it in your head and adjust accordingly.

You deserve it. Plus it's not like you can put the house straight on the market if things were to go that way so you need time to prepare.

It's no surprise you get the most done in your time off. I think that's true of most of us. And its also when you see more of him. Keep going. You are so strong xxx

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Kitten for your encouragement. My mum is coming to visit for a few days so may see if I can get an appointment sorted while she is here so I know the younger ones are cared for.

Yesterday, the ex hadn't let us know whether he was seeing the children or not ( Saturday is usually his weekend time to see the children) so we got on and planned a picnic and walk. We had just got the picnic together when he turned up! We carried on though, only one DD and DS1 elected to stay with him, so the rest of us headed off to the cliffs for our walk.

The walk was lovely...we had the best of the day as it started to rain as soon as we got back. It's amazing the amount of hidden beaches and coves you can see from the cliff path. Some are inaccessible but others are hidden gems that can be reached. We didn't attempt to get down to one of the beaches yesterday but have it in mind for another picnic venue.

When we got back the ex was gone...as was DS...so I found the youngest DD left on her own. I had passed DS walking to the village as I drove home so I know the youngest DD was on her own for a maximum of 5 minutes but I am so cross with the ex and DS, that they couldn't see past their own timetables. We were only on the walk for 3 hours and I had checked with the ex that he was happy for the youngest DD to stay with him, as she was originally going to come on the walk. It has proved once again that I cannot trust or rely on the ex for anything, not even caring for a child for an afternoon.

Only spends yesterday was for picnic food.

The rain eased by 8, so I had a happy hour in the back garden weeding and picking up hedge clippings. I can see progress. Three weeks ago you couldn't see one boundary fence for the nettles everywhere. Now the garden is accessible on foot and I have made cleared enough space for some pyracanthas to be planted. It will give colour to the garden and soften the view of boundary wall.

XSpender

Honeysucklelou2 wrote: »

Thank you CCL & Kitten868.

You're right CCL, until the agreement is sorted out, he is still able to exert control. I find that I take more steps in holiday times than term times and I have to really gird myself to take action. It was ridiculous how much I was shaking last week, just ringing the mortgage company to request a statement.

Kitten, from what I understand from the solicitor. The locks can be changed once the future of the house is dealt with. If I am able to stay then I think locks get changed on completion of the agreement. Sorting out the mortgage broker is the next job on my holiday list. Part of me is worried that I won't be able to get enough of a mortgage to stay but then I guess I'll know for sure that selling and moving elsewhere is the right thing to do and I'll have a better idea of budget.

When we moved 3 years ago we rang London & Country mortgage brokers because they were recommended on MSE. We had an old IVA and weren’t sure if we could even get a mortgage or enough to move. They actually had a department for people looking for a remortgage with bad debt (not that you need that) and I expect they have seen every situation going. They were great and we used them to remortgage last year too. It’s free and all done over the phone which might be easier for you to fit in over the hols than a physical appointment.

I love reading about your walks and time on the beach with the children.

savingholmes

Good luck with sorting the mortgage.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you for the advice Xpender...a telephone appointment sounds ideal. I will look into ringing this week.

Thank you Saving Holmes.

Today has been a quiet day at home which has meant a NSD:T. My mum has come to stay for a few days do I spent much of the day tidying up before her visit. In decluttering terms, 1 huge Next catalogue was put out for recycling along with 5 old newspapers and 2 magazines. ( The magazines are free with my bank account.) About 12 statements were filed and the envelopes recycled so lots got dealt with.

I opened a drawer I rarely go into and found a file full of old statements, one of which was a credit card statement dating back to 2003, which showed that I had paid payment protection cover. I assume that is the same as PPI? I'm not sure if PPI claims can go back as far although I have the statement that proves it was paid. The only snag is, the credit card was with the Alliance & Leicester. I'm not sure if they even exist anymore. I need to do some research tomorrow.