Really Not Coping Relationship and Life

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Been in a long distance relationship for 2 years with a really great guy who lives about 200 miles away from me down south. He's been so loving and kind and caring and really thinking about me and he's been everything to me since we met.

Things have been tough. He has four kids from two ex's, doesn't want anymore kids even though said he did but now changed his mind. Is barely speaking to me at the moment which is so hard as we normally message all the time and is distant and confused he says as well.

I've always thought I would, but there are reasons for me wanting kids and not wanting kids as well, I'm just so confused over that. How do you know if you do or you don't?

It's been months and months since we last seen one another, and recently had a few days together, didn't go the best due to other people around, not spending real time together and issues that neither of us brought up, so felt awkward for both some of the time.

That with the kids thing and he's saying now it feels different and he's not sure if he feels the same anymore. I'm really not coping at all, I have anxiety issues anyway, this is just sending me over the edge all this. I love him, yes there's things that I wish were different and if I was to stay with him I'd be moving down south as he can't with young kids, and I'd miss what little family I have here, but I can't imagine my life without him. I'm so scared of ending up alone with no one, no love in my life which is everything to me and no kids as well, nothing.

I have no life really, no friends, and am just so upset and confused and lost all the time especially with all this now as well, I really don't know what to do or how to cope because I really feel that I can't at all. I wake up and immediately feel panic and fear, feel sick and upset, I just want the day to go so I can get to bedtime again. I've been on anxiety meds in the past they didn't help.
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  • BrassicWoman
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    hello dragonfly, sorry things arr rough just now.

    how are things in your life other than this fella? work? your local family?
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  • WibblyGirly
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    How much time have you actually spent together within the last 2 years? Is it unusual that you haven't seen him in months and months or do you usually go a long time without seeing each other?
  • ~_Dragonfly_~
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    BrassicWoman

    Due to the anxiety I haven't worked in a long while, I've put everything I am into this relationship. I have my mum and dad not too far away but that's it. Other than that I have nothing.

    WibblyGirly

    Not enough time to be honest, wrong on both sides. I've let my anxiety get in the way of me travelling to him and with him having a life with the kids and work etc he can't get away that much. I really don't want things to end before giving it my all, but he's just not wanting to talk, other than the odd general message which is prbably just because I message him. It's killing me.
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker
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    If you haven't seen him for months, I'd consider things are over and move on.
  • BrassicWoman
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    I personally don;t think it is healthy to have one person being your whole life. Perhaps time to start broadening your interests again? If you are still suffering anxiety, can you see your doctor again?
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  • Proxima_Centauri
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    Looking at it from the outside, it doesn't sound very promising. 4 children by 2 women, he lives 200 miles away and he seems uncommunicative.

    You deserve better.
  • ~_Dragonfly_~
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    missbiggles1

    We hadn't and recently did, but the issues were there because it had been so long since we last saw each other as well, which I'm to blame for as well, he has a lot going on, kids and work, and I let the anxiety mainly keep me from going down to him.

    BrassicWoman

    That is one thing that I've never been good at, not making the one I'm with everything in my life. I've never had any outside interests apart from little hobbies I had in the house etc, which I can't even do right now either because I don't care and can't concentrate anyway. Being in love is everything to me, that and then family.

    Proxima Centauri

    Thank you, it is a really hard situation and the first time I've really dated someone with kids. His ex's are horrible and used him. He usually isn't like this, usually he'll talk about anything and everything with me and always cares, this week him being so closed off is really why I'm struggling as well, I can't cope with him being so distant and cold to me.
  • cashewnut
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    Are you sure his exes are horrible or is he just saying they are?
  • Grumpelstiltskin
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    So you want children? and how would you bring them up if you have no outside interests and for instance don't like traveling or as it appears going out of the house?

    I am sorry but you appear incredibly selfish, everything has to have you at the centre. Your 'partner' has realized you want to use him as a sperm donor and I think in his mind it was never a serious two sided relationship.

    You need to get your anxiety sorted before you can get into a serious relationship.

    This may seem harsh but you must get yourself into a position where you can get out and get some interests.
    If you go down to the woods today you better not go alone.
  • carefullycautious
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    Yes it is very telling that you are in a 'relationship' that is going nowhere and isn't a relationship really as you hardly see him.


    From what you have said you have no relationships with anyone really do you?


    You need to work on why this is. And until you have help via counselling for this you will not move forward.


    Anxiety is crippling.
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