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JWPopps

jvr wrote: »

Why can things never just go right for a little bit??? I'm really sorry neither of you needed this stress or all the emotions that go along with losing a job.
You can't magic away her problems, which is really hard but just being there for her to talk to is still so important.... I hope she finds something soon and things look up for you both!
And can I add what a horrid workplace to dismiss with no warning and lead up review meetings or anything.... may they have thunder with the rain!!

Thank you JVR. This is genuinely helpful, and I really appreciate that you took the time to comment.

This is the 2nd time my mum has had this happen. It could be that she's genuinely difficult to work with, in which case I would expect a good employer to give her some opportunities to improve - my employers certainly don't fire people without plenty of paperwork to explain their decisions.

It could also be that my mum has tended to take roles around compliance and quality assessment, which means she is very often the person who says 'no, you're not doing that right,' and therefore some people might take that to mean she's consistently negative when actually she's just doing her job.

It could be because she's an older worker, or it could be because she's a woman challenging a new (suddenly all male) leadership.

It is probably because she disagrees with the way that new leadership are dealing with things - BUT from everything she's said at home, she was happy to work to support that new leadership even though she disagreed with it.

So I don't know. There's nothing I can practically do except help her with job applications - I mean, I am a Careers Adviser after all.

I want the best for her. I was feeling so positive, and my mood has just plummeted today. i can't even imagine how she's feeling I might send her some flowers to her house to cheer her up...

JWPopps

Eep!

Mother-update! (Mupdate?)

So guess who woke up to e-mails from three different recruiters offering her job interviews?! There's hope yet!!

[Deleted User]

JWPopps wrote: »

Eep!

Mother-update! (Mupdate?)

So guess who woke up to e-mails from three different recruiters offering her job interviews?! There's hope yet!!

Excellent news, wishing her loads of luck x

jvr

Fingers Crossed!!

Sun_Addict

Surely your mum should've had verbal/written warnings before being dismissed? Seems very unfair, could she take them to tribunal for unfair dismissal? Glad she's had offers of interviews though, fingers crossed for her. Just as she was getting sorted ....:(

JWPopps

Phew! Time for a quick update

My mum is still in limbo, obviously, but I'm delighted to report she is handling things quite well and is more angry than upset, which I personally think is absolutely the right attitude towards her former workplace. We've worked out that if she's careful she's probably ok financially for the next 6 months, so I am determined not to worry about it unduly until that 6 months (and her tenancy) is nearing.

She may well end up living back with me, and if that happens, well - it will happen. We'll just have to make it work.

In other news, I got a new fridge on Saturday with a light and fully functional electrics, so that's exciting. And then yesterday I got a new shed for the rabbits to move into. So, not a relaxing weekend or even a MSE weekend, but these are things I've been meaning to get for months and months, so at least I have them now.

The balance that out, I am not buying a new telly next month, because I've found one in the back of my wardrobe, it's a bit small for my living room but I don't really want TV enough for that to matter. I was a bit annoyed at my boyfriend, because when I told him (proudly!) I'd discovered this way to not have to spend £360 he got really grumpy and said 'oh that telly's so small I'll never be able to see it' and I just thought... you are not being supportive right now.

Aside from that, all is good

JWPopps

Hello everyone!

I am feeling awful today, I had a migraine last night so today I'm all woozy and washed out. Still at work though, because if I took a day off after every migraine I had I might as well go part time!!

Anyway, coffee will get me through!

Sometimes when I have a migraine I struggle to sleep, and sometimes when that happens I end up having ~ideas~ - not sure how good those ideas are because they emerge from the fog, but all the same, I have them. This happened last night, and I'm just going to lay it out here so I can maybe get some opinions or at the very least read it again tomorrow when I have my fully-functional brain back.

The Idea

I'm considering opening a joint savings account with my boyfriend, into which we would both put £20 a month.

There are a few reasons I'm thinking about this, which boil down to:

1. It's a reasonably small amount each, but will fairly quickly lead to a couple of hundred pounds we can use towards holidays or date nights, or even just towards our joint future
2. I want to help him get into a savings habit if he ever wants to save for a deposit for his own place
3. I kind of want to test our 'future commitment' to each other...

That last one is probably the most important one. I think I've mentioned before that we live in different cities, and we see each other about twice a month, but we talk every day. We are rapidly nearing our 3 year anniversary, and I always feel kind of itchy around those milestones.

I think the problem is that I know he would happily continue as we are for five, ten, twenty more years - and in theory, I'm fine with that too. We're happy as we are and since I don't really want to get married and definitely don't feel the need to have kids, there's no time pressure on us to move things forward. But.

It's a Big But.

I want to foster, probably starting when I hit 32/33. That's 5 years from now, so there's time yet to work out what's going to happen, but I'm already thinking about how I can't be a foster carer and maintain a long-distance relationship. I can't just nip off one weekend every month like I can now, it wouldn't be fair to the young person living with me. So, before I apply to become a foster carer (a process that can take up to a year), I need to know what my family unit looks like. I need to either be living with my boyfriend, and have been for at least a year to be confident we're not going to break up mid-foster placement. So that means I feel like I only have 3 years to know what's going to happen...

Ok, so 3 years is still a long time. But. It's been 3 years now, and he doesn't even like talking about the potential fact of us maybe living together in the future. I broached a suggestion last week, after we found out about my mum, that maybe if she moves back into mine I could live there in the week for work and live with him at the weekends as a trial thing and he FREAKED out, saying how much he needs his own space and how he'd never have a weekend to himself.

And... I'm hurt by that. And I feel like, if I leave it up to him nothing will ever happen, and then I might find myself in 10 years having not followed my aspirations to foster and resenting him, and resenting spending so much money on visiting him when our future together just seems blurry and uncertain.

I feel like I'm refusing to fully commit to him at the moment because he isn't committing to me, and so I'm building walls between us to make sure I don't get hurt.

And so, I am kind of hoping that having a joint savings account, maybe with a bank neither of us already banks with, might help us think about being a partnership, instead of what we currently are which still after 3 years feels super ad hoc and casual.

And, if we split up, we can just split the savings down the middle. See? I'm always thinking 'if we break up...' when I think about doing anything together with him. Bleurgh, I hope this is just the migraine/anniversary talking.

JWPopps

Hmmm...

I've had the last of my 3 weeks away for work this year, which is a good feeling, however finances aren't exactly brilliant since I need to wait to get expenses back.

Also, my lodger has decided to move in with her boyfriend (was bound to happen when he got his own place, if we're honest) so she's moved out. She was very apologetic as it's only been 3 weeks, but I told her she needs to make the best decision for her, and privately I'm just hoping it works out with her fella. I don't have high hopes for him.

Anyway, I'll be getting a new lodger next week, but it will be easier now I've done it once and also I'm not going away any more this year so that's some breathing room.

3rd anniversary came and went with zero fanfare, my boyfriend forgot to bring my present over with him so I guess it wasn't really on his mind. After some long discussions (and a bit of emotion on my part) he has agreed to the bank account idea, but only after I basically pointed out to him that if after 3 years he isn't comfortable starting something that small with me then I don't see us having much of a future. I really hate feeling like I'm giving ultimatums, but I wasn't trying to. I was more trying to let him know it's ok to say '3 years is a good shot, let's part civilly if we're not going to move forward together'...

...he doesn't want to break up, but we haven't really left it with me feeling like there's any real solution. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, all else seems ok!

Sun_Addict

He's got the best of both worlds - he's got you but only a part time commitment - although same for you really. Depends what you want out of it, if you want more then maybe it's time to move on if he's not willing.

Re the fostering - my mum fostered 31 children over the years, she loved it, hard work but very rewarding. It's a wonderful thing to do if you can do it.

JWPopps

Hi SA,

I agree with you 100% and I think he does know that. He said eventually that the idea of moving in with me (even in the future, as it would have to be) is scary for him because he worries we'll realise we don't like each other as much as we think we do... I pointed out that his being totally stubborn all the time might have the same effect :rotfl:

We can't even discuss anything that serious for another 3 years anyway, because I'm more or less tied into my current job until then and can't move anyway, so all I really want from him is confirmation he's willing to move ahead together on the assumption we'll live together at some point... I think he's accepted that, but I'm not 100% convinced we'll still be together this time next year. We shall see.

Anyway, thanks for the boost re fostering. I don't know yet if I will take that plunge, it depends on a lot of things - I actually really love doing what I do now for the charity with my lodgers, so I might keep doing that instead. Either way I feel like I'm helping keep kids off the street, which obviously makes me feel better than I would if I walked past them sleeping rough.