Money Moral Dilemma: How do I tell my mum to stop spending?

Dird

Mojisola wrote: »

If you refused the first time and then saw her waste the money she borrowed, why did you give her the £200?

bf apparently gets a bonus in January so chance of repayment is more likely than the other time when it just depended on monthly income

JWPopps

Dird wrote: »

I have the same issue with my mom & sister. My sister moved out but continues to waste money...first a £300 HSBC loan earlier this year (after I refused to loan her), now a £200 loan off me apparently until January.

My mom is similarly annoying in that I only charge her £30/month to live with me (she pays food costs), cheapest her bills will have ever been, yet she somehow still lives paycheck to paycheck. Both just get annoyed when I tell them to do a SOA/sort their spending out

£30 a month?! You're generous, i'm charging mine £350! Having said that, she's only living with me because she wouldn't be able to afford rent elsewhere... and similarly, she lives very hand to mouth which I find totally baffling as she earns a similar amount as I do and my bills are more than double hers.

It's difficult, because she's my mum, but actually her 'little extravagances' are the reason she's still living with me - it was supposed to be for 6 months only but it's coming up 18 months and no sign of movement. It's stopping me planning my future with my (currently long-distance) partner.

I ended up taking charge a few months back though: she now pays me £600 a month, and I put £250 into one of my savings accounts, thereby forcing her to save up. And I've refused to give her any of it for Christmas even when she's asked... we went through all her bank statements so I know she doesn't really need it!! She's annoyed at me about it, but secretly I also think she's grateful because she has more in savings now than she had for the last 10 years. Plus, she's still paying me the £600 a month so she must trust I'll give it back to her when she finds somewhere to move...

Technosaurus

A bit off topic from the OP but I find all this talk of treating your mother like a lodger or financial project very off-putting and taking MSE too far. They won't be around forever (mine isn't anymore) and they carried you around and wiped your backsides. "Secretly I think she's grateful" - trust me, they aren't and will be thinking about all the time they spent feeding and clothing you without an invoice in the post later. Mine always thought I was 'up to something' when talking to her about her finances and I at times regret taking the hard line now she's not here. Spoil them a little like they did you.

In terms of the OP, as long as they pay you back the agreed amount at the agreed time I suggest keeping quiet is the best solution.

Pollycat

Technosaurus wrote: »

A bit off topic from the OP but I find all this talk of treating your mother like a lodger or financial project very off-putting and taking MSE too far. They won't be around forever (mine isn't anymore) and they carried you around and wiped your backsides. "Secretly I think she's grateful" - trust me, they aren't and will be thinking about all the time they spent feeding and clothing you without an invoice in the post later. Mine always thought I was 'up to something' when talking to her about her finances and I at times regret taking the hard line now she's not here. Spoil them a little like they did you.

In terms of the OP, as long as they pay you back the agreed amount at the agreed time I suggest keeping quiet is the best solution.

What if they didn't spoil you?

Proxima_Centauri

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I lent my parents some money to pay a large unexpected bill. They are due to repay me when they receive an upcoming inheritance, but since I helped them out my mother has been constantly spending on lots of 'little bits', plus some furniture costing a third of what they owe me. I feel it's disrespectful and taking advantage - what should I tell her?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

I presume the money they're frittering is on credit cards, if the amount you lent them was only enough to cover the large bill. I suppose the concern there would be that if they continue to spend money they haven't got, the inheritance may not be enough to pay everybody back.

Never 'lend' money to friends or relatives (nor borrow from them!)

Technosaurus

@Pollycat

If you honestly believe your mother never spoiled you nor wanted the best for you (but simply couldn't deliver it at the time), then my heart goes out to your situation and I don't think such things need airing on a public forum. Apologies if this is the case and sorry for any offence caused.

Pollycat

Technosaurus wrote: »

@Pollycat

If you honestly believe your mother never spoiled you nor wanted the best for you (but simply couldn't deliver it at the time), then my heart goes out to your situation and I don't think such things need airing on a public forum. Apologies if this is the case and sorry for any offence caused.

No need to apologise, you haven't caused any offence.

However, there are lots of posters on here who didn't have/don't have a good relationship with their Mothers - they have told their stories.
I disagree that such things don't need airing on a public forum.
If someone wants ask for advice, perspective or even just to offload, then they are entirely at liberty to do so.

I recall a fairly recent thread where the almost universal opinion of posters was that the OP's Mother was a selfish, manipulative b i t c h.

tallgirld

If it has been agreed that you will be paid back when inheritance received then just wait until then!

Malthusian

Dird wrote: »

bf apparently gets a bonus in January so chance of repayment is more likely than the other time when it just depended on monthly income

If you couldn't trust her to put by enough of her income to repay a debt of a few hundred quid, I'm not sure why you trust her to repay this debt with the bonus instead of spending it. And this is assuming his employer actually awards him a bonus, if he's eligible for one in the first place. You don't always get bonuses, that's why they're called bonuses.

happyinflorida

I'm with your mum on this one!

If she's been without money for donkeys years or all of her life and she knows she's about to get an inheritance, then I think she is entitled to go a little wild and spend a lot more than usual.

Life is for living and I don't believe in saving every penny.

Enjoy it and spend, buy a few luxuries - enjoy it all as you can't take money to the grave with you!

Obviously - don't spend the lot, just a bit!! lol