Money Moral Dilemma: How do I tell my mum to stop spending?

gaving7095

As others have said, the agreement was that you'd be paid back from some specific income, so wait until then.
In the mean time, take a lesson from what's happened and allow that to influence your future decisions.
For what it's worth, you do have my sympathy. You've done a big favour and in principle one would expect to be repaid before the debtor splashed out on expensive non-essentials - although that was not what was initially agreed.

crmism

I appreciate your dilemma; you're careful with your money, but your mother is less so.

However, it seems to have been agreed that she will repay the loan once she inherits, not before. It also seems that what she is buying now is financed from her own money and, if that's the case, there isn't anything you can do except try and be diplomatic when you next talk to her. I'm sure we all know people who are rather free with their savings and occasionally find themselves in debt, but arguing your point forcibly at this point in time won't help the situation and could make it worse.

You're evidently worried that her spending habit might escalate and eventually jeopardise your loan, but a time might come when she can't pay another bill and seeks your help again. That's the time to impress on her the urgency of budgeting and spending wisely. It could also be the time to help her see reason, and draw up a simple plan so that she can see where her money goes each month. In the course of my career, I helped countless people keep tabs on where their money went and organized their finances better, and it worked every time.

Best of luck.:)

Dird

Technosaurus wrote: »

A bit off topic from the OP but I find all this talk of treating your mother like a lodger or financial project very off-putting and taking MSE too far.

So an adult shouldn't contribute towards bills if they happen to be your parent?

Malthusian wrote: »

I'm not sure why you trust her to repay this debt with the bonus instead of spending it.

If it's handed over right away she has no time to spend it. When she was working I loaned her £2-3k and would send her a monthly email showing incomings/outgoings to the loan, I plan to send the first email in over a year on Christmas Eve/Day motivate her for the new year

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

What if they didn't spoil you?

Then don't invite them to live with you.

trishno1

She's your MUM - talk to her.

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

Then don't invite them to live with you.

There is zero chance of that.
But the full post I was part quoting was this:

Technosaurus wrote: »

A bit off topic from the OP but I find all this talk of treating your mother like a lodger or financial project very off-putting and taking MSE too far. They won't be around forever (mine isn't anymore) and they carried you around and wiped your backsides. "Secretly I think she's grateful" - trust me, they aren't and will be thinking about all the time they spent feeding and clothing you without an invoice in the post later. Mine always thought I was 'up to something' when talking to her about her finances and I at times regret taking the hard line now she's not here. Spoil them a little like they did you.

In terms of the OP, as long as they pay you back the agreed amount at the agreed time I suggest keeping quiet is the best solution.

and it wasn't purely about having your Mother to live with you.

maman

I like a discussion as much as the next person but I don't see the point in these threads started by mse. There will never be an OP to answer any of the questions raised. I'm sure they make them up to justify their existence.

datostar

Technosaurus wrote: »

A bit off topic from the OP but I find all this talk of treating your mother like a lodger or financial project very off-putting and taking MSE too far. They won't be around forever (mine isn't anymore) and they carried you around and wiped your backsides. "Secretly I think she's grateful" - trust me, they aren't and will be thinking about all the time they spent feeding and clothing you without an invoice in the post later. Mine always thought I was 'up to something' when talking to her about her finances and I at times regret taking the hard line now she's not here. Spoil them a little like they did you.

In terms of the OP, as long as they pay you back the agreed amount at the agreed time I suggest keeping quiet is the best solution.

Tammy Wynette had it about right - "For the nine months I've carried you growin' inside me, no charge
For the nights I've sat up with you, doctored you, prayed for you, no charge
For the ties, folding clothes and for wipin' your nose, there's no charge
When you add it all up, the full cost of my love is, no charge"

wurley

Something I have learned - Some people will pay back strangers before family (I never get how they think its ok). So possibly you wouldn't be paid back until everyone else... I would be worried too.... Are they counting their chickens before they are hatched - spending money they don't yet have? ...

tgroom57

The wording is a little vague and troubling...You may find that : "They are due to repay me..." is not be the same as "They agreed to repay me...".

I'd feel that they misrepresented their position, if they have money to spare so soon after a large unexpected bill. Surely OP didn't foot the entire (hypothetical) bill?