Too big to have baby?

Diary

Starlight123 wrote: »

in my late 30s and around size 16 and just under 5ft. Medically I'm obese(!) which isn't great and I fear it's holding me back for me and OH to start family as I fear being pregnant now I would really struggle. I know simple answer is to lose weight only it's not that easy and my confidence has hit low again because I'm not in control of situation. I see so many threads on pregnancy but I wondered on size of mums to be as I wonder if I'm being too harsh on myself. I have high blood pressure and worry too about that leading to preclampsia. I did lose weight before. It struggling plus if I'm honest I'm feeling so miserable at minute about this all as I really want a child and know time is running out. A friend of mine is expecting, I'm happy for her but I then feel more pressure.

There are far more important things to think about than being a size 16 and having a baby. Like love and happiness for your child. Whether you and your boyfriend can afford it and provide a loving stable home. You sound really lovely and sensible and too harsh on yourself. Lots of people have babies without thinking it through unlike what you've done. Relax, eat healthily, go for small walks to keep active and enjoy. I wish you all the best.

Starlight123

Thanks Dairy, so nice of you to say

Will try again at feeling better overall. We are financially good and very happy, just be nice to add to us as we. Org can offer so much

FBaby

OP I am not undermining in any way how difficult or is to lose weight especially when you've been overweight all your life but please don't give up and accept it is just the way it is. Obesity is the biggest killer health wise the problem is that it takes many years for it to do so and by then you can't turn the years back and do something about it.

You say you are already suffering from health problems because of it and yet toy are still so young. How will you feel in 10 years when you are told you that your health is putting you at risk and your child could lose you when they are still young. How will you feel when you are so disabled you won't be able to enjoy your grand children?

You would feel so much better becoming a mum knowing you are in the best health you can be. How much support have you got from health professionals to help you lose weight? If you told yourself that you could end up never be a mum if you don't lose it would that enough incentive to take drastic actions?

davetrousers

Stop thinking, start doing

DigForVictory

'Put in for' a baby. With himself's agreement, as you can live without that uncalled for row later. It's exercise! (OK not much relatively, but every little helps.)

You conceive or you don't. Meanwhile you keep trying to eat the healthy stuff (have you agreed that you Just Will Not Buy crisps, cakes, biscuits, drink & even cigs if relevant?) Saving up for the baby *and* helps you eat smarter.

Me, I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) which there were meds to help me with, but since I shed weight to get married, we came back from our honeymoon with baggage on board. I reckon I was very lucky.

There are slimming clubs that can work with pregnancies so is it worth joining one for the support & encouragement with the weight let along the hoped for pregnancy?

Start the folic acid tablets, and the multivite, and try to haul back on the tempations. It really helps to have weigh-ins for that, but they *can* be private even if the point of a club is the peer support.

gettingtheresometime

Speaking as a girl that's been big for ever, something will have to click for you before you decide that you want to lose weight...for me, it didn't matter that everytime I saw a doctor he had a go about my weight - I had to want to do it for me.

I'm currently with Slimming World and whilst initially I wanted to lose weight because I'm going on a holiday soon, my mindset has changed so that I'm now losing weight for me and thinking ahead as to how I can do damage limitation whilst I'm on holiday.

Whilst I'm a big girl I'm not unfit - I walked last year from London to Brighton - but I hate the gym so I go 3 times a week swimming before work and I love it!


I think the key is not just dieting or exercising - its a bit of both ...the trick is to find an exercise that you enjoy and do it.


Oh and forget the dress size bit - I was 4lbs from the top weight for my height decades ago I was a size 14!

thriftyemma

I'll second slimming world! I've been a member for just over 2 years, and lost 5.5 stone. The plan encourages you to think about the food you eat, and helps you make healthier choices. It's not a 'diet', it's a healthy lifestyle change that you can maintain for life. They also work with Royal College of Midwives to ensure the plan is perfectly safe for pregnant women and new mums.

But I agree with others, you need to want to do this for yourself. Losing weight will have such a positive impact on your life, but re-gaining the weight after you achieved your goal (ie having a baby), would have an equally negative impact. I think you need to do some real soul searching OP, but I wish you all the best in whatever path you take.

MrsSave

I was about to mention Slimming World!

I'm 4 weeks away from my due date. I was a size 16 when I fell pregnant, and my BMI was just creeping into the obese category. I joined slimming world 5 days before I found out I was pregnant (had lost a baby the month before so had decided to become healthier whilst trying again). Personally, I don't still attend group, but with just 4 weeks to go I'm around 1 stone up.

Compared to when I was pregnant with my son, I'm so pleased with myself. I was a stone and a half lighter when I fell pregnant with ds, but ended up gaining a ridiculous amount of weight. By this point I was quite a bit heavier than I am now. I ate for 2 and suffered because of it. This time I've eaten normally, with treats thrown in (though far less than last time!).

As others have mentioned, though, you have to want to do it. Plenty of people have babies when they're overweight, but by doing something about it you could have a much better pregnancy/birth.

Good luck.

AylesburyDuck

Starlight123 wrote: »

in my late 30s and around size 16 and just under 5ft. Medically I'm obese(!) which isn't great and I fear it's holding me back for me and OH to start family as I fear being pregnant now I would really struggle. I know simple answer is to lose weight only it's not that easy and my confidence has hit low again because I'm not in control of situation. I see so many threads on pregnancy but I wondered on size of mums to be as I wonder if I'm being too harsh on myself. I have high blood pressure and worry too about that leading to preclampsia. I did lose weight before. It struggling plus if I'm honest I'm feeling so miserable at minute about this all as I really want a child and know time is running out. A friend of mine is expecting, I'm happy for her but I then feel more pressure.

I think your already know the sensible answer, especially seeing as you already have health problems, probably isnt what you want to hear, and i get that i truely do.
However, what you dont want is your health all over the place because of the strains pregnancy will put on it, and then a baby to look after when not 100%, its hard enough when you are 100%
Loose the weight, sort your blood pressure, its not like it takes forever.

Gloomendoom

peachyprice wrote: »

You wont know whether you can conceive until you try, and you don't have to 'eat for two' while preggers

I asked my sister-in-law, who is a obstetric nurse (I think that is the term), about the eating for two thing and she told me that an expectant mother only needs to eat an extra 200 calories in the last three months of pregnancy.