Thrifty friend dines for free while I pay

tea_lover

lucym wrote: »

I wouldn't expect my friend to share their birthday present with me. I wouldn't go out with them behind their wife's back either.

It's not a birthday present though is it? It's a voucher based on his date of birth, hardly some personal gift. I don't even think it was his real birthday (although I may have read that part wrong, but I got the impression he just said it was to get the voucher).

Definitely agree with your second statement though.

Pollycat

lucym wrote: »

I wouldn't expect my friend to share their birthday present with me. I wouldn't go out with them behind their wife's back either.

Maybe you should turn this a different way round and say that the OP's friend shouldn't go out with other women behind his wife's back......

Timpu

This all sounds far too exhausting, it was only supposed to be a simple meal out to catch up wasn't it?

Pollycat

lucym wrote: »

Surely he is correct because it wasn't a 2-for-1 voucher.

I think the key point is that the OP would expect to split any voucher she had with this guy (unless I've got it completely wrong).
The fact that he believes that because it is his voucher he and only he should benefit from it is why the OP feels taken advantage of.

lucym

Pollycat wrote: »

Maybe you should turn this a different way round and say that the OP's friend shouldn't go out with other women behind his wife's back......

Oh, I agree with you that he shouldn't be doing that.

lucym

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the key point is that the OP would expect to split any voucher she had with this guy (unless I've got it completely wrong).
The fact that he believes that because it is his voucher he and only he should benefit from it is why the OP feels taken advantage of.

People view birthdays in different ways, leaving his poor wife out of this, I think that he should have mentioned the voucher before the meal.

Pollycat

lucym wrote: »

Oh, I agree with you that he shouldn't be doing that.

He is the one in the wrong.

lucym wrote: »

People view birthdays in different ways, leaving his poor wife out of this, I think that he should have mentioned the voucher before the meal.

It wasn't his birthday.

If anyone should consider his 'poor wife', he should.

He wanted to get the OP to drive more miles to the meeting place than him simply to make sure he had a free meal.
He wouldn't mention the voucher because he had no intention of sharing it.
He wanted a meal that he didn't have to pay for.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If he has to faff around giving excuses for having cash so a meal can't be traced, etc, to the extent that he's pretty much lying to his wife about where he is and what he's doing when she's out of town, I don't think he's worth another moment of your - or her - time.


Seriously, he's behaving as though he's having an affair.

If his wife were to find out and post on here, it would go something like this -

'I've just found out that my husband has been meeting a woman every time I'm away with work or during the day, taking time off from his job to do so. I accidentally found an email where she is talking about where they will go next time and he's replied saying that he'll have an excuse to carry cash this time, rather than using 'free meal' vouchers. When he's met her, they've driven nearly 30 miles away from where we live, which makes me think he didn't want to risk anybody we know seeing him with her. He says they met at work years ago and she's just an old friend. But he's kept meeting her in secret for years and never mentioned her once, even when I've asked how his day was - why would he keep it so secret if he didn't have anything to hide?


I don't think there would be many posts saying 'It's obviously platonic, he must have been keeping it secret to make it easier for you to compete the spreadsheet at the end of the month' (the same would apply for cases of same sex partners or a man writing about his wife, by the way).


If he can go through such efforts to lie to and keep secrets from his wife about what he's doing, in addition to the stinginess and entitled attitude, I'd not be as convinced that he's a nice person.


OH can meet up with whoever he likes, male or female. But I'd expect to have it mentioned to me - and I'd offer him the same courtesy. If I suddenly found out that he'd been meeting somebody else for years and gone to so much effort to conceal it, I'd find it very hard to believe 'there's nothing happening, she's just a friend', or that the secret meals weren't also accompanied by secret hotel visits or trips to her home.

hazyjo

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If he has to faff around giving excuses for having cash so a meal can't be traced, etc, to the extent that he's pretty much lying to his wife about where he is and what he's doing when she's out of town, I don't think he's worth another moment of your - or her - time.


Seriously, he's behaving as though he's having an affair.

If his wife were to find out and post on here, it would go something like this -

'I've just found out that my husband has been meeting a woman every time I'm away with work or during the day, taking time off from his job to do so. I accidentally found an email where she is talking about where they will go next time and he's replied saying that he'll have an excuse to carry cash this time, rather than using 'free meal' vouchers. When he's met her, they've driven nearly 30 miles away from where we live, which makes me think he didn't want to risk anybody we know seeing him with her. He says they met at work years ago and she's just an old friend. But he's kept meeting her in secret for years and never mentioned her once, even when I've asked how his day was - why would he keep it so secret if he didn't have anything to hide?


I don't think there would be many posts saying 'It's obviously platonic, he must have been keeping it secret to make it easier for you to compete the spreadsheet at the end of the month' (the same would apply for cases of same sex partners or a man writing about his wife, by the way).


If he can go through such efforts to lie to and keep secrets from his wife about what he's doing, in addition to the stinginess and entitled attitude, I'd not be as convinced that he's a nice person.


OH can meet up with whoever he likes, male or female. But I'd expect to have it mentioned to me - and I'd offer him the same courtesy. If I suddenly found out that he'd been meeting somebody else for years and gone to so much effort to conceal it, I'd find it very hard to believe 'there's nothing happening, she's just a friend', or that the secret meals weren't also accompanied by secret hotel visits or trips to her home.

100% agree. Kinda guessed that might be the case. It's sneaky and disrespectful.

Jx

MissLisaxo

It's safe to say that he did use you...