Sudden personality change

Anon12321

Hi all

I'm writing about my wife, who's personality has changed rather drastically in the past couple of weeks.
She has attachment issues and always used to be "clingy" - however I am the same (although not to the same extent) so this was, if anything, a good thing.

In the past few weeks she has changed completely - she is acting distant, no longer feels the need to be near me, has even planned a holiday abroad with a friend without me (in the beginning of our relationship, this would have been unheard of). I can't put my arm around her or even hold her hand (I'm being too 'clingy', apparently). She has also started going out drinking etc which again is unheard of (although she used to be a party animal in her teenage years, neither of us drink really anymore and, in fact, in the 6 years we've been together I've never known her to be even tipsy).

We are spending far less time together (her decision, not mine - I'm regularly asking to). Although her behaviour is not abnormal (how many couples actually spend all of their spare time together? I appreciate it's rare), what worries me is that I don't think it's normal for someone's personality to change this much, this quickly.

Although she accepts that she has changed, she is adamant that all people change and this is, in fact, normal.

Any comments/advice would be much appreciated.

PeacefulWaters

While it might not be the case, sudden changes of behaviour are common when an affair starts.

DigForVictory

Or at the other end of the spectrum, depression.

Has anyone in her circle died in the last three months? Can jolt folk out of the usual routines & trigger a massive I-have-Things-to Do-before-I-Die-fest. Which is disconcerting for those around, but a whisker less inexplicable.

Do I take it things are so far off beam that feeding her & asking What is going on is completely unlikely to help?

Anon12321

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

While it might not be the case, sudden changes of behaviour are common when an affair starts.

Thanks, but doubt this is the case. I did suspect that at first, however.

DigForVictory wrote: »

Or at the other end of the spectrum, depression.

Has anyone in her circle died in the last three months? Can jolt folk out of the usual routines & trigger a massive I-have-Things-to Do-before-I-Die-fest. Which is disconcerting for those around, but a whisker less inexplicable.

Do I take it things are so far off beam that feeding her & asking What is going on is completely unlikely to help?

No, no one has died. She has been trying to learn a foreign language. This is what started it - she'd go off to the study and spend all evening in there. It's just evolved from there.

Have tried speaking to her - in her mind all is fine and normal - she can't see anything being wrong.
Thanks for the advice so far.

Andypandyboy

Has she come into contact with someone who may look at life differently and she has decided she is in a rut/needs a shake up etc? New friends/old friends she has recently got back in touch with? Or maybe she has a read a life coaching type book? A big catalyst for change for some is a signficant birthday.

Lots of things can jolt someone to change, sometimes for the better.....depends on your viewpoint and how you react to it.

enthusiasticsaver

Maybe she just feels the need to expand her horizons a bit. How old are you both?

I would have to say a clingy partner would irritate me beyond belief and my husband and I have separate hobbies and things we like doing together and things we prefer to do with friends.

I don't know why she seems to have suddenly changed but maybe she has just discovered some things she enjoys doing but if she is shutting you out and that is affecting your happiness then tell her you would like for you to go out and do something together but you understand she also wants to do stuff on her own. Maybe take up a new hobby yourself.

Archergirl

Is this learning at home or in a class? has she met up with new people?

FBaby

She has been trying to learn a foreign language. This is what started it - she'd go off to the study and spend all evening in there

]
Really? Or does she mean by that that she found a foreign dating site and is conversing every evening with a charming French man?

Sorry but is sound very suspicious. How long have you been married?

-taff

Classic either having, or about to have, an affair behaviour

How does she react if you tell her you'd like to come with her when she goes out?

AylesburyDuck

Red flags everywhere.
Totally upto naughtys OP, dont paddle in denial.

Dird

Follow her out wearing a disguise and find out the truth. Ideally record it for us.

With such a sudden change it's what I'd do, or I'd at least get someone else to follow