I'm truly pathetic and just need to off load

bedpotato_2

peachyprice wrote: »

My niece used to be petrified of the dentist, to the point of wetting herself in the chair. Her dentist referred her to a specialist unit down here in London at the teaching hospital where they specialise in teaching dentist how to deal with nervous patients.

It wasn't a quick process, they didn't even look in her mouth until she'd been around half a dozen times, the first appointment was just talking, then progressed to being shown the chair, then sitting in it, then being shown the tools, then her touching them, and so it went, little by little they built up her confidence, I think it was around 2 years of monthly appointments before they discharged her back to the dentist, in that time they eventually managed regular check-ups and even a small filling.

OP, I think this is the kind of thing you need. (The part in bold).

You mention having panic attacks if you even walk past a dentist. I think what you need is to find a nice dentist who is willing to work with you psychologically, as well as just physically.

Too many doctors and dentists see their work as purely physical. They don't want to get involved in the psychological aspect, either because they're too impatient / don't have enough time to spare, or simply don't feel equipped for it because they have no training in that area and it's not part of the job description. To them, our bodies are just something to be worked on. If we protest or cry or display fear, they get impatient. They want to just get on with the job. They (or at least, most of them) don't want to play "counsellor".

What you need is a dentist who has special training and will understand that you need psychological support (and lots of it) before you are ready to begin the physical process of gradually sorting out your teeth.

I actually think you should maybe go to your GP and ask to be referred for counselling. As I have pointed out, there seems to be a lot of shame and deep-rooted self-hatred and embarrassment in what you are saying on this thread, and you need somebody to explain to you that your feelings are natural and your fear is normal and you need to give yourself permission to stop scolding yourself.

You even state that you "stupidly" held the tent pegs in your teeth. Holding things in your teeth isn't "stupid." We've all done it at some point in our lives. You weren't to know that somebody was going to kick a football at your mouth.

You have not done anything stupid. You are not stupid. You have just suffered due to a series of things that were not your fault.

TBagpuss

Just wanted to post to say no, you're not stupid or pathetic or any of those things.

And also to try to find a specialist dentist who is able to work with you.

I don't do well with dentists. In my case, it stemmed from having a really rough, impatient dentist as a child (when I had dodgy teeth due to other medical issues). Then I had to have 4 teeth out in order to get a brace, and it turns out I have weirdly awkward roots, so that was bad, and then when I was at university I got an abcess which was misdiagnosed and ended up needing root canal work...

I ended up with a phobia of dentists (I once fainted when I met my dentist unexpectedly in the street, which was no fun for either of us!)

I ended up being referred to a specialist after I needed a filling nd the dentist I was registered with said they couldn't do it as it wouldn't be safe because I was shaking too much.

The dentist I ended up with was one who specialised in patients needing extra care - people with autism, Downs Syndrome, physical issues such as CP or CF and so on.

She started very very gradually, I had appointments where she just cleaned my teeth, she talked to me about what specific aspects of the treatment I found hardest, and would go really slowly.

TO start with, when I actually had work done they would give me gas-and-air .

Over time, this approach did help a lot. These days I see a 'normal' dentist, and while I don't like it, I am able to go.

As well as looking for a specialist, it may be helpful if you could ask your GP about treatment for the phobia.

And maybe talk to your husband about how he can support you to get to the point you can see a dentist - for instance, walking with you past the surgery, going in with you so you can attend in person to book appointments for him and for the children so you can get used to being in the building, to the way it smells and sounds etc. If you have friends who would be willing to do the same, great! (I think you are wise to let your husband do the children's appointments so that they don't pick up on your fear)

Very best of luck.

Northern78

Thanks all for being a sympathetic ear and the voice of reason. Thank you tbagpuss and bedpotato for sharing your experiences. I think you're right, this is more about mind over matter. I'M making a far bigger deal about it than needs be. Like most people have said, treatment has advanced so much since my 'experience'.

I won't let it beat me this time and I will update you when i've made some progress.

Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

melanzana

My sister never had problem with drills, injections or anything like that.

It was the stuff put in for an impression that really got her. Choking she said was the feeling.

We have to remember that it is just not about pain.

bedpotato_2

Melanzana, indeed. Different people seem to be afraid of the dentist for different reasons.

The OP has said they are afraid of being judged for their poor teeth. Somebody else has said they are scared of the chair tipping back. Somebody else said they felt like they couldn't breathe. Now you are saying your sister felt like she was choking. With me, I do have a fear of pain, but my main fear is the fear of not being the one in control. I hate that the dentist has control and can do whatever they want and can hurt me without me being able to control it.

clairesilverspar

If you're finding you really are struggling to make it into the dentist, it might be worth speaking to the doctor about ways to handle the anxiety?


I too had a bad experience with a dentist as a teenager, and then developed a fear of the dentist. it go so bad I bit one when he was trying to have a look as I started to have a panic attack feeling claustrophobic with everything that goes on.
It took me about ten years, and a lot of tooth pain and being ashamed of my smile, but I walked into a dentist as an adult holding my grandma's hand. They'd been told in advance, so didn't leave me waiting around in the waiting room and took me straight in.
He was fantastic. He gave me plenty of space, left the light off while he took a first quick look with no tools and told me to just raise me hand and he would back off immediately. And he did. Once he'd figured out what needed doing he referred me to the dental teaching hospital, where I had all of the work done under heavy sedation. They were lovely there too, and very understanding.
It took a while, but now I can go for my check up without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I still have the occasional blip, but it's much, much better.


I just want you to know that despite your past experience, if you fully brief them on how bad your nervousness is, then there are dentists who are willing to work with you to try and help. The avoidance could have built up the nervousness to the level you are struggling with. With a bit of exposure, you may find it calms down enough for you to go for your check ups.