I'm truly pathetic and just need to off load

queengoth

There is a dental teaching hospital in Sheffield called Charles Clifford's , I'm not sure if you still can just walk in there (years ago you could) but they were fantastic with me. I was so bad I used to have to be sedated before I went but over time I have learnt to relax eventually moved on to a mainstream dentist. Naylors in high green. It's still not a thing I enjoy but I can live with the minor jitters for the sake of my teeth. Could you pluck up the courage to call and speak to them ? I'm sure they deal with this all the time so can help you find the best way forward.

indsty

Lots of helpful posts. Also, try to focus on the benefits. It's a bit like having a baby - everything you go through is worth it with the joyful little bundle you get at the end of it. Going to the dentist is scary ++++ for you but having a mouthful of nice teeth is a life changer and you will wonder why you never plucked up the courage to do it sooner. A good dentist these days can work on your teeth with virtually no discomfort at all. It isn't particular comfortable sometimes but NOT painful. Don't be embarrassed about the state of your teeth either - dentists have seen it all before and if they are good dentists will be only too happy that you have visited them and trust them enough to get them treated.

Get lots of advice about a "nervous" patient friendly dentist and get yourself down there asap.

Top_Girl

I have a mad dentist phobia. Not from my own teeth, but because I was always convinced that the chair wouldn't stop going back and I'd fall. Even though my dentist showed me numerous times that it can't, I was unconvinced. I have very nervous patient on my file and they once refused to do me a filling and sent me home because they thought I was going to faint.

Your teeth will not be the worst that your dentist has ever seen. Not a chance.

A dentist will be able to tell that you're brushing your teeth regularly and that you're not a 'dirty tramp'. That dental nurse wants sacking.

Find a new dentist in an area you're comfortable with. Take someone with you.

Northern78

Sorry I haven't replied all day, been busy with the kids.

You lot are such a lovely bunch of people. The replies I've had have made me feel like i've already taken the first step, if that makes sense.

So today I Googled for non judgemental dentists in my area and it came up with one about 4 miles from me. Had some good reviews although they were mainly people who had crooked teeth. Anyway I didn't quite have the courage today to email them but tomorrow night I think I will.

Just to add, if you saw me you would never know about my teeth, it wasn't my front teeth it's two of the bigger ones after the canine on one side at the bottom and both sides at top.

Primrose

Well done Northern. You can feel proud of yiurself for having taken the first step. Am sure you'll now develop a little more courage every extra step along the way. If you start getting cold feet just pause and remind yourself that you're further along the way than you ever thought you would be.

Northern78

Northern78 wrote: »

Sorry I haven't replied all day, been busy with the kids.

You lot are such a lovely bunch of people. The replies I've had have made me feel like i've already taken the first step, if that makes sense.

So today I Googled for non judgemental dentists in my area and it came up with one about 4 miles from me. Had some good reviews although they were mainly people who had crooked teeth. Anyway I didn't quite have the courage today to email them but tomorrow night I think I will.

Just to add, if you saw me you would never know about my teeth, it wasn't my front teeth it's two of the bigger ones after the canine on one side at the bottom and both sides at top.

Bloody phone, wouldn't let me edit my post.

I forgot my manners! My mum would be horrified.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and offer advice, past experiences etc, it all really helps and as I said last night, it now makes me think that I was just in he wrong place at the wrong time and had I had a different dentist at the time then things would be so different.

Amber_Sunshine

We had an awful dentist when I was a child and it really put us off. But dental treatment is so much better these days. Last time I went was to have a cracked tooth rebuilt, and she even did it without any anesthetic. It was not at all uncomfortable or unpleasant. In your case, I really think you need to go to a surgery that is used to dealing with nervous patients- it sounds like some good ones have been recommended. And once you have had a good experience, it's likely to start reducing your nerves.

PoorCharleyBear

There are good and bad out there like any other profession.

The solution is to get a recommendation. My boss (not been to a dentist in 30 years) went to one I recommended and was delighted.
I use a young practice and they are lovely- newest techniques, they discuss potential treatment and recommend treatment but do not force anything on you. Dentistry has moved on a lot in the last 10-15 years.

Tell the dentist your phobia and they will help. You won't be the first person they have seen who is petrified of the dentist.Good luck. You'll be great.

jobbingmusician

I used to have serious dental phobia (I am old enough that there used to be a school dentist, who I bit regularly because I was so terrified). What helped me, as an adult in my 30's, was to accompany a friend to her appointment. She actually wanted me there to help her (and she knew I was scared too) but the unexpected outcome was that it somehow diffused my fears, seeing someone else in the chair. And I told my dentist that I was nervous, so we agreed hand signals etc.

I still hate it, but I'm not scared any more!

bedpotato_2

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you with the football cracking your teeth and the nasty way you were treated by the dental staff. That must have been horrible. No wonder you are now so terrified.

I noticed something that makes me concerned for you: you keep on insulting yourself and saying you're stupid. You are clearly angry with yourself and say you are "pathetic" and an "idiot" as you put it.

I am writing this to tell you that you are NOT pathetic or an idiot!!!

Please give yourself a break and stop putting yourself down. Your fear is extremely understandable. I understand that you feel embarrassed and ashamed and frustrated with your inability to conquer your fear, but the phobia you have developed is a natural normal human response to something so traumatising.

There are two separate issues here, really: the practical, physical matter of your teeth (that will need to be dealt with at some point) and the emotional, psychological matter of how you feel about all of this.

You clearly have some very strong emotions of self-hatred and shame going on, and I am here to tell you that is very, very common for people to be terrified of going to the dentist, even if they have never had a major traumatising incident like you have. You are not "pathetic" or an "idiot". You are actually just an extremely typical, normal person who has a perfectly logical, common phobia. Don't be so hard on yourself. None of us can achieve "perfect" levels of bravery. Nobody is 100% brave at facing up to their fears, like some sort of robot. We are only human! (and so are you)!

I remember reading that there are dental clinics who specialise in nervous patients. It would be worth doing a Google search to see if there is one in your area.

Also, I wanted to share with you my own experience that I have personally found that, out of all the dentists I've had, the best one was a dentist who was very good at dealing with children. (I was an adult at the time).

So if you can't find a dentist who specialises in nervous patients, it would be worth looking for one who specialises in dealing with children but also takes adult patients.

I had to have a wisdom tooth extraction, and I was absolutely terrified because it was the third wisdom extraction I was facing, and the previous two had been absolutely horrific and each took about 40 minutes of tugging in the chair (!!!) complete with me screaming and sobbing in panic and fear, and each extraction left me with a face like a hamster for a month afterwards and a high fever and terrible swelling that was so bad and unusual that they wanted to take photos of me for publication in a medical journal (!!) because apparently my body's extreme reaction to the extractions was very unusual.

So several years later I had to have a third wisdom tooth extracted, and a junior dentist totally failed at doing the extraction because I was panicking so much I couldn't let them do it because I was so terrified it was going to take them 40 minutes of tugging again like last time, and was terrified that I was going to be left in agony with swollen facial tissues and a fever again.

The dentist who first tried to do it was talking to me as though I were an adult and trying to reason with me and explain all the logical reasons why I needed to calm down and needed to let them do it, etc.

But being reasoned with doesn't really work when you are panicking that much.

So I was referred to the more senior dentist instead, and he very quickly caught on to the fact that I was terrified and panicking, and he was having none of it. He just dealt with me as though I was a nervous panicky child, and it somehow worked for me and helped to calm me down. And I don't know how, but he managed to whip out that wisdom tooth in about ten seconds. TEN SECONDS. As opposed to the 40 minutes it had taken the previous lady who butchered me when doing the previous wisdom teeth!!!

I think that when you are so terrified, you do sort of revert to a very childlike state and you need somebody to recognise that and reach out to you and take over and take control of the situation and act as the adult.

The problem was that the first dentist (who failed, and had to refer me to her senior partner) was becoming nervous because I was nervous, and she just stopped. She quite clearly didn't know how to proceed. When I sensed that she didn't know what to do, it made me panic even more.

It's no good if the dentist you are working with is at all hesitant or nervous themselves. Nervous patients can make some dentists nervous. You need a dentist who will not be at all affected by your own nerves, but who has nerves of steel and will remain calm and confident and unruffled and totally unimpressed and unaffected by all your panicking.

I'm not saying you want a dentist who doesn't care that you are panicking, or who is not sympathetic and kind. But I think too much sympathy is a bad thing, because it can work to reinforce your fears and make it feel as though the dentist is validating your emotions, and is agreeing with you, and saying "yes, I understand and I agree; this is going to hurt and will feel terrible and you are right to be panicking"

You don't want that. You want a dentist who will convey the attitude of "I understand that you are feeling scared, but you are wrong to feel scared because I know exactly what I am doing and I am the best dentist in the world and I have got this"

and then they will just go ahead and do it and surprise you because it won't be as bad as you thought.