EH - Essex > Hebrides...the next step of the adventure?

lucielle

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the hospital learns from this and implements changes. 

L

enthusiasticsaver

I am sure you will find many occasions over the coming weeks and years when suddenly thoughts of your Dad pop into your head at random moments.  I still find that even 30 years later with mine and I still well up looking at photos of him or thinking of occasions he wasn't there and should have been.  At this moment though for you I daresay anger is running alongside grief if his last few weeks were not made as easy as possible for him due to a failure by the medical staff looking after him. There will be a complaint service for patients and their families.  Medical staff do make mistakes and there should be accountability and lessons learned but it takes a lot of energy to pursue the complaint process at a time most people feel least able to cope with beaurocracy.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you at this sad time. 

Suffolk_lass

Thinking of you and sending my best wishes. @enthusiasticsaver is right about the energy and emotional input it takes to pursue these things.

My S-i-L could not face it. My B-i-L was diagnosed late with bowel cancer after his GP wrote him off as a hypochondriac without ever testing him for anything for over two years. It was stage 4 when the locum read the history after B-i-L said what his symptoms were and Doc said, but you've had all the tests... and B-i-L said, no I' haven't. I have had no tests and he actually checked. Then he had a stent fitted at the local hospital to give him some relief from symptoms but no pressure stockings and he died from a blood clot within 2 days. A long time ago now. Easy for us to say "she should have..." but actually, for her, it was too much. 

EssexHebridean

Oh lord SL what an awful situation for your SIL to have to deal with - and such a shock for everyone too. In a way we’ve had less of that aspect to deal with as knew exactly what the prognosis was for Dad - but still, we weren’t expecting it to be “right then” in part because of the way the hospital had been behaving. ES there is already a complaint in - done a couple of weeks ago, but at the moment they are ignoring us. It will be time to escalate once we have the mental energy. I suspect they’re hoping we’ll go away… 
L - thank you. And yes - we do, too. I think on an individual level we may already have provoked thought processes and change - a Dr who I suspect will never forget what I said to him about palliative care (that saying it was “too soon” for it was effectively telling me it was too soon for my dad to be made more comfortable), a palliative care clinical specialist who wasn’t aware how ward staff viewed her area of expertise, and will now fight for more education on the subject, and a Ward Manager who will keep a closer eye on things like patient nutrition and hydration. That is just three people on a single ward though - it definitely needs to go further. 

I’m feeling very “Meh” this morning. MrEH has trundled off to work and I’m just feeling a bit rudderless - I’ll get my second brew on the go in a minute and have some breakfast then I can potter a bit. I’m going to go to the gym a bit later - that actually really helped on Friday as it was somewhere I could be confident nobody was going to appear that needed to be told, and I could just concentrate on my workout and give my mind a rest from everything else. As long as it stays dry I’ll probably cycle down there too. Then heading over to Mum’s this afternoon for the meeting with the celebrant so will need to give some thought to stuff ahead of that.  

Done a few One Poll bits this morning taking me just over the 2000 points level - and had a few quick screen outs on Ipsos where the compensation points have now taken me over 400. Nothing on Prolific but I’ll check again in a bit.

Suffolk_lass

You mentioned the pleasure of going over old photos and memories with your Mum. I recognise that too. I had a photo of my Dad (and Mum) on the wall after he died, so that when I woke up, it was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes and they were having a fab time on the trip of a lifetime in NZ. It helped me push back the image of my lovely Dad, ravaged by the cancer that took him. It really helped me.

Going to a place where no-one needs to be told is good, as is laughing with good friends x

WelshmansDaughter

I'm so sorry for your loss and the poor quality of care that your father received.
People can go overboard with their appreciation for services in stressful times, not thinking that standards are not always upheld.

savingholmes

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to get through the situation. I hope the meeting went well with the celebrant.

EssexHebridean

Thanks all - SL - I love that! Mum and I have chosen a photo for the back of the funeral order of service of the three of us at my wedding - it was supposed to be a posed shot, but we'd all three collapsed in giggles due to the fact that my veil and Mum's hat kept attempting to exit stage left in the strong wind, and out lovely photographer continued snapping regardless - I'm so glad as it's a fab photo that makes me smile just thinking of it!  Welshmans Daughter - you've nailed it - thank you for posting that. I think it's possible to be appreciative of the good stuff, without losing sight of the fact that it's not "all" good, too! SH - it did, although we had to do it via zoom as the poor celebrant has a nasty chest infection that she was very sensibly unwilling to risk giving to Mum. She seems like a lovely lady though and we've both got absolute confidence in her giving Dad a perfect send off. 

I'm in the office today. Feeling a bit adrift - it feels strange that things have changed so massively since I was last here, and that was only a week ago. I was very aware that the longer I was away, the harder it would get to face that aspect though - plus of course I was literally on my way here last Wednesday when I got the call...now I've done the journey in again - although not yet the cycle from car > office as I hopped out of the car before MrEH parked up this morning for convenience. 

Banks checked and all fine - I made a transfer across to PB's yesterday so at least something has gone there this month - I'm definitely holding off on transferring anything more until I see where we're at on diesel and Oyster top ups though. The interest hit our M@rcus accounts today which was nice to see - the rate increases definitely starting to make a difference. Meals are on plan - last night's pasta used up the remaining two sausages from Friday evening, tonight's smoked mackerel salad leaves a mackerel fillet to be whizzed for pate for tomorrow's lunch. I must get the minced beef from the farmers market divided up tonight too  although I may cook some of it off to use for bolognese sauce or chilli immediately rather than freezing it. Freezer space is rather at a premium again - I need to work out what can come out in the next few days to make meals from - Friday might be a curry plate of some sort though as that will use a couple of garlic flatbreads, the leftover lamb from last weekend, and possibly some other bits, too. Might also do "something and chips" over the weekend to reduce the size of the bag of chips a bit...

Must NOT lose sight of what to do with the clubcard vouchers - although actually Martin's idea of switching both for small vouchers for "somewhere" and getting the balance converted back to the account could be a winner. Food for thought - possibly literally if I convert to P1zza Exp!  

MrEH couldn't resist going for a quick ride on the new Elizabeth Line this morning - and I think I'm going to do the same tonight - I've nothing else planned, would be waiting for him anyway, and it would definitely be fun to do it on it's first day of running! 

foxgloves

My sister (lives in London) texted me this morning to say that if Dad was still with us, he'd have been itching to go for a ride on the new Elizabeth line. He was very knowledgeable about railways, especially around London, as he was stationed nearby for quite a while. Apparently my youngest nephew is now keen to go on it because Grandad can't & I think that's a lovely idea. 
Oh my goodness....was going to type more, but a humungous rainstorm has just arrived & I must go & close some windows....
Take care,
F x

milann

My Dh would be on the new Elizabeth line if we lived closer.