Getting over the feeling that you'll never live at home again

glasgowdan

It's called growing up. And I live at home, just not the same home as my parents. But my home's better, so there ��

Prothet_of_Doom

Notnow wrote: »

Having recently moved into my new place I find it quite hard to deal with the fact that I'm no longer living in the family home that I spent so many years in.

I'm just wondering how you coped with not living at home anymore?

Might I ask How old are you?

I started to leave home at 12.

Well I organised youth hostelling holidays by bike or foot, for 2 or 3 weeks, sometimes with friends and occasionally on my own.

By 18, I was desperate to leave home. Hence why I went to a Polytechnic some 150 miles away. I occasionally came home, (like for Christmas) but my parents redecorated my MOCHA ceiling and CND mural, in plain white, and moved me into another room, so it always felt like I was visiting. I always found reasons to not be there in the Holidays - like paid work some 150 miles away.

At the point that I graduated aged 22, they were in the process of moving with Dad's Job, and I went to stay with them, whilst waiting to start my first graduate job. As soon as I started they wanted £75 a week board and lodging, (My first take home was £658 a month), so I moved out within days. - I figured I could lodge cheaper and I could.

Some years later, they let me, my wife and our toddler come to stay rent free whilst we moved house. Supposed to be 3 weeks and ended up 5 months.
My wife bears some resentment (my mother was particularly unhelpful) and mental scars from her time there. My son bears scars from falling down the stairs and smashing his head on a radiator.

I love my parents dearly but not once since I was 12 have I felt home sick.

KiKi

It may be the silence, or the sense of not having lots of family around, maybe. I love living alone, but there's definitely a sense of something in a happy family home.

A funny thing: my friends have a 'family' home with their four kids, but I find it very un-homely, and I realised several years ago why. They have NOTHING on the walls - no pictures, no photos, nothing. No shelves or anything in the alcoves. No curtains on windows. The house, despite being full of loud kids and cooking, is very empty and bare and quite cold temperature wise (and it's not a financial thing). I hadn't realised how much I associated 'warmth' with a family home, so I always make sure I have some nice things on walls, on shelves, warm curtains and rugs etc. It makes a difference.

The three times I've bought my own place, it took quite a while to get used to walking a different route to the station, or to church, or the local shops etc. The last one was the worst, as I moved to a very different part of town, walking home in a completely different direction. I used to spend Saturdays walking back to my old local area with its nice cafes! But I've learned to love it and make sure I go to local shops, the local pool, the local gym etc, which has helped.

I found the best way of making it 'home' was to have people over - regularly! Make it feel 'full', even just for a couple of hours a week.

KiKi

Notnow

KiKi wrote: »

It may be the silence, or the sense of not having lots of family around, maybe. I love living alone, but there's definitely a sense of something in a happy family home.

A funny thing: my friends have a 'family' home with their four kids, but I find it very un-homely, and I realised several years ago why. They have NOTHING on the walls - no pictures, no photos, nothing. No shelves or anything in the alcoves. No curtains on windows. The house, despite being full of loud kids and cooking, is very empty and bare and quite cold temperature wise (and it's not a financial thing). I hadn't realised how much I associated 'warmth' with a family home, so I always make sure I have some nice things on walls, on shelves, warm curtains and rugs etc. It makes a difference.

The three times I've bought my own place, it took quite a while to get used to walking a different route to the station, or to church, or the local shops etc. The last one was the worst, as I moved to a very different part of town, walking home in a completely different direction. I used to spend Saturdays walking back to my old local area with its nice cafes! But I've learned to love it and make sure I go to local shops, the local pool, the local gym etc, which has helped.

I found the best way of making it 'home' was to have people over - regularly! Make it feel 'full', even just for a couple of hours a week.

KiKi

My place does feel empty because there's not a whole lot in it. Part of me doesn't want to buy things because I know I'll only be here a year or two at most and I don't want the hassle of packing too much stuff up. I think that defeats itself though because the less I have the worse I feel. Curtains and pictures would make such a difference I think. I haven't even got a TV at the moment.

I have visited lots of places by me and I like them all but I don't feel the same way about them as the old places. I don't think I will with the short amount of time I'll be spending here.

I would have people over if I knew anyone but I don't!