Getting over the feeling that you'll never live at home again

moneyistooshorttomention

That was the point I understood actually - dependant on which supermarket it is concerned. Certainly if I'd been used to Waitrose deliveries and then moved somewhere they wouldnt deliver = my intention would be to stick with Waitrose (and keep fingers crossed they'd start delivering to my new home). But, if it's any other supermarket = then what the heck and swop to a new one imo. If a new supermarket is very different to the one you're used to - then you will stick with the old one if there is a way to imo (crossing fingers that one day Ocado will deliver in this area). But it's easy to swop within the same "category" - eg from S*nsburys to T*sco OR Ald* to L*dl. So I'd only see it as a problem (DO see it as a problem) if you've been used to a category of supermarket that is nowhere near your new area (in my case - I think nearest Waitrose is hours away - boo!). But a lot of "gaps" in local supply can be filled from Amazon.

It will help as you get your own home sorted out and decorated etc the way you want. Get the garden sorted out or at least as much as you can - as some gardens take thousands of £s to sort out (because they're such a different style to one's own and it costs that much to change them).

Even things like having figured out the best place to put things/best way to run the home with the minimum of effort I find help.

phoebe1989seb

Pixie5740 wrote: »

I couldn't wait to get out the family home. I love my parents but they are prudes so my sex life improved dramatically when I got my own space.

Same here, lol!

I moved out to go to uni at 18, met DH when I was in my final year and he moved in to my rented flat. In my case though, uni was only about thirty miles away. Within a year we were married, had bought our own flat and DS was born. I never went to live back home and although my parents lived in the same house from a few years before I was born till 2012 when they went into a nursing home, I didn't miss it and can't say it ever felt like home once I'd left. We weren't terribly close though, as they were older parents and sadly we never really had much in common.

DS (27) has followed a similar pattern - although we are extremely close and I consider him my best friend - leaving home to go to uni a couple of hours away within a month of his 18th birthday. He and his GF - who he'd been going out with since they were 16 - saw each other most weekends over the next three years although they were at different unis a considerable distance apart. This meant he rarely came 'home', although they both spent a few holidays with us.

After graduation they stayed with friends in London where they all worked. In 2011 - when they were both 22 - they bought a flat in London and have since relocated to Brighton. If we're lucky we see them half a dozen times per year. This year due to work commitments/busy schedules we've seen them once We speak/text/email all the time though!

I know DS misses us - as we do him - but we live a long way from each other and I don't think he considers our new (old!) house - we moved here in 2014 - home.......

getmore4less

One of the biggest changes to get used to is the space unless you are loaded or go big and share to afford it.

Most will be moving from a family home to a much smaller space of their own.

Those you leave behind have the feeling of emptiness and a place that feels bigger with less bodies around.

Cakeguts

The feeling of never living at home again and having your own place. So exciting knowing you can do what you want when you want and no one is there to tell you that you have left the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, in a mess. A feeling of freedom.

ReadingTim

I dealt with it in the same way I got over the fact I didn't have to wear nappies ever again, could dress myself however I liked, could come home whenever I wanted, rather than before it got dark, had to work to earn a living, and all of the other responsibilities associated with growing up.

Suggest you try it.

AirJoe

As said by others (and even hinted at in your own title) it's really about making your new house/flat feel like a home. A big part of that is time but you can also do things that people have suggested. Do a bit of DIY, hang a few pictures and get some friends round to 'warm' the place. it might also help to go for a walk round the local area and find out if there is anything interesting nearby. Parks, churches (or other interesting architecture), hidden shops etc. I think appreciating the area will help you appreciate the home too.

Personally I went the uni route so initially I divided my time between being quite far away and then coming home for the holidays. That said, as much as I love my mum, I couldn't have ever moved back in with her.

You could also try dancing around the living room in your undercrackers. Nothing says 'this is my place' more than that :rotfl:

Notnow

TBagpuss wrote: »

I think it's not unusual - buying your own home is a big step and there are lots of things which take a bit of adjustment, and it does take time to settle in and to start to feel that the new house is your home, especially ifthis is the first time that you've lived away from your family.

Some of it may be a comfort thing - buying a house, and owning a house and being responsible for it are big, scary things. Living with family , even when you are pulling your weight and not being 'looked after' is not - as ultimately the big things are someone elese's responsibility.

I think one way of coping is to recongnise that it takes time to settle in - don't panic about the fact the new house doesn't feel like home just yet.
You may find that t starts tofeel more like home as you start to personalise it, and you might consider whether you want to ask your parents about moving things from their house to yours - I know when I bought my first house I had a few things (bed and desk from my bedroom at home, for instance) which meant that it felt more familiar from day one. (And meant less furniture to buy!)

Also, it might help to resist popping back 'home' too often - invite your family to come round for a meal at yours rather than picking food up from 'home'; staret to build a hom in your new house rather than thinking of the old place as home and the new house as somewhere you sleep.

I don't think the feeling completely goes away. My parents' house still feels like home to me in a lot of ways, even though I never actually lived there as they moved house when they retired, well after I left home. But my own house also feels like home.

I found that taking posession of the houses I've had, in practical ways (redecorating, putting pictures up, etc) helps turn it from 'the house' to 'my place', and hosting family and friends is good too, as you start to build up memories of good times in your house.

I think that if your family live close this can be harder, as it may feel easier to slip into the habit of going 'home', rather than encouraging people to visit you: maybe invite your parents / family for a housewarming party where you can cook them a meal and show off the house?

My first house was 4 hours away from my family home but the second one I had was fiarly close, and I had had to move back in with my parents for a while in between while I sold the old house. It did take me longer to settle in the second house, and I think part of it was becuase it was so easy to go 'home' for a meal, and when other family members visited it was easier for them to stay at home than with me. I did make an efort to invite my paretns , and other relatives, for meals and such and it did make a difference.

Many thanks, there's lots of great advice there. I have taken some furniture from my old home and there's more due to arrive whenever I get around to hiring a van again. It does help to have some familiar things but I do want to buy my own new things too.

When I go back "home" now (my parents) it no longer feels like home. I've been trying to work out why and I think it's because it's so empty due to them redecorating etc. It gives me hope that when my place is sorted it will feel like home. I've done a lot but it needs some tables and curtains. At the moment I have a computer desk to eat off and just metal blinds that are a bit past their best and don't feel very homely.

They've already been over here and seen it. I wouldn't attempt to cook anybody anything!

It will be interesting when I move next time, to see whether I miss this place I'm in now. having only been here a few weeks I don't think I will miss it much but I don't know if I want to get to stage where I would start missing it. On one hand I'd feel more at home here then but on the other I'd have to go through all this again but this time missing two houses!

It's very interesting that your parents home feels like home even though you never lived there.

AdrianC

Notnow wrote: »

When I go back "home" now (my parents) it no longer feels like home. I've been trying to work out why...

Because it's not home any more...

You'll adjust quicker if you actively try to stop calling it home - call it "my parents' place" or "your home" (to them), or even just Acacia Ave or Whereverton - and call your new place "home"...

Notnow

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

I was brought up in Somerset and then spent three years at university in the Midlands before moving to Manchester to work.


So, by the time I had left home properly I'd already been away for long periods. I have to say I never wanted to go back to the family home to live, although more than happy to visit.

I never had those times away from home. I wouldn't want to go and live back with my parents but it just feels odd not being there.

Notnow

AdrianC wrote: »

Because it's not home any more...

You'll adjust quicker if you actively try to stop calling it home - call it "my parents' place" or "your home" (to them), or even just Acacia Ave or Whereverton - and call your new place "home"...

My new place has started to feel like home so I'm pleased about that. I just think that knowing it's not somewhere I'll be for a long, long time means It's hard to get too settled.