Advice please... Very pushy woman at the Church my wife goes to. (Very long post.)

Soundgirlrocks

It sounds to me that your wife is naturally quite introverted (nothing at all wrong with that) I understand she doesn't want to cause anyone any upset, I would just simply say, "I'm actually quite an introvert and I find church groups and coffee morning draining and I would rather spend my social energy else where. I hope you understand and I will see you at church"

seven-day-weekend

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

It sounds to me that your wife is naturally quite introverted (nothing at all wrong with that) I understand she doesn't want to cause anyone any upset, I would just simply say, "I'm actually quite an introvert and I find church groups and coffee morning draining and I would rather spend my social energy else where. I hope you understand and I will see you at church"

Very often, especially in large churches, there is not any 'space' for introverts. I do understand how she feels. However, she must on this occasion, make it quite clear that she will be doing nothing other than attending the Sunday service.

Newly_retired

Maybe she can feel she is doing her bit without going to groups by putting more in the collection. Most churches need all the help they can get financially, especially village churches which are usually very old and expensive to heat.

oystercatcher

I agree Mrs P hasn't been clear. However, I don't see a need to make a phone call or send a note. Why can't she just speak to Pushy Lady on Sunday at church and say , thank you for the message , I really am fine and so busy I just want to come to church and not do any activities during the week as between being busy I need time at home to 'do stuff' and spend time with my wonderful husband .
She then needs to stick to her point and repeat as often as necessary 'Just Church' . Evenually the message will sink in and people will accept and no feelings have been hurt.

I find church people can be seen to be pushy as they do try and include people and keep the church as active as possible, however in my experience they will accept individual boundaries when people explain, but if your wife isn't clear, this type of problem will keep happening until she makes it clear that she doesn't want to go to mid-week events.

msb5262

To be honest, if I were on the receiving end of these "I would like to come but can't," type messages from someone I didn't know well, it would make me wonder if there was some controlling behaviour going on at home! If the OP's wife doesn't want to attend these groups, she must make this clear...not hide behind saying that she is too busy. It really isn't that hard to say, and it's about time we all started being a bit more straight with people. The more lies by implication you tell, the more complicated things become.

MsB

Aylesbury_Duck

helcat26 wrote: »

It is a church not a cult

What makes one different from the other?

redpete

Peter333 wrote: »

But perhaps people are right, that her letter was slightly ambiguous. As I said though, whatever she had said, the result would have been the same; this woman ringing and questioning it, showing 'concern,' and wanting my wife to explain herself further.

No offence intended towards anyone, but this can be an issue sometimes with Church Groups; once you join, it's not easy to leave, as they don't like to lose people, and will often do their best to get people to not leave.

Some see this as being concerned and friendly, others may see this as intrusive pestering.

For many people church is more than just another social group, the members' shared faith brings them together as a family and theIr 'concern' for each other is just that, no quotation marks needed. Church is an intrinsic part of their life, ñot just an activity for a couple of hòurs on a Sunday. They are not worried about the group but the people who make up the group.

Maybe this lady should be more sensitive to your wife's feelings but it is unfair to accuse her of being pushy, pestering and interfering.