Changing habits, wanting freedom

jvr

I didn't stay up all night - although I was tempted but just kept waking up to check!
So this week been a bit spendier as not had a kitchen ... and the dog destroyed the microwave.. seriously!! but kitchen is now useable again
Will be going for a drink tonight down the road but arranged to meet another friend for parkrun tomorrow so I can't have more than one glass of wine which saves me pennies and a hangover... then will go buy paint for the kitchen, we have an amazing recycled paint place so will go there and save a fortune.
Otherwise it is just painting this weekend I think and relaxing after a very long week at work.

jvr

So decided I would update early and be honest about my debt. We paid off the credit cards nearly £2000 and then put car insurance and remortgage costs onto my overdraft...I have now done money transfer to put these onto our credit card and added OH's debts so its not all increases its just now an absolute total of our joint debt........... my plan is from August to pay £250 off the debt a month which would take me till July 2019 if I made some overpayments. This allows us to put aside for MOT and for insurance which will go into my M&S account for bills.... absolute pain even with internet banking so I can guarantee its safe once in there! Until January 2018 we will also be putting £300 towards our trip to South Africa. This money is going to my building society account that you need to visit the bank with a book to get the money out.... my dad keeps this book as it also has OH's next visa application money in. So the plan after South Africa is to keep putting £200 in their and have that for savings for future car.
I have also set debt repayment lower as will have some general savings money in an easy access account for house work/ mini trips whatever were doing the plan is to have a plan we actually stick to.. So although the number looks like we went back to square one and then took a few steps further back I'm feeling pretty positive and OH seems really on board. I said this week we had to live out of the freezer and he has actually done it! Normally its oh this would be nice with that i'll pop to he shop but nope!
Last weekend was spendier than planned as bet some friends for drinks but it was lovely - not finished painting yet but the floor has been delayed so can get it done this weekend.


Debt free date down as july 2019 but hoping I could push that to dec 2018!

SpekySquarehead

Good luck with it JVR. You've got a well thought out plan in place.

jvr

So my pay day today yay! Due to pay rise I got the backdated pay from 1st of may so a nice wage this month.... money has been shuffled into bills account, the new food and money account, me and OH spending money accounts and saving account for general savings and upcoming wedding. Plus 300 set aside for floor which is now being done next Monday (must finish the painting of the ceiling before then!!)


So as long as I stick to the budget all looking good (debt repayments are on OH's pay day) not drastic this month hopefully £150 from cheques for mortgage repayment and £100 from our account and then it will be 250 from wages each month after that...


food shop arriving tonight and got my breakfast and lunch with me, sun is shining and I'm feeling positive

SpekySquarehead

Ahh payday, the best day of the month.

It's just a shame how quick it disappears.

jvr

Well best laid plans and all that......... I think OH is going to quit his job.
He is under so much stress and getting ridiculously anxious. He has docs appointment today which is major step forward for him dealing with things but I think it shows just how bad things have got that he is willing to go. I'm certain would be signed off sick just not certain he will be willing to go back. If he doesn't he can grab and easy bar job that's not a problem but would mean a huge drop in income. If could not go to South Africa we would manage but I think for his mental wellbeing that's not an option. So I'm worried about money, about him about everything really and hoping I can hold things together. No point doing new budget till I know ish where we stand just will try have minimum spends.
Feel bit lost.

JWPopps

Oh JVR, I'm so sorry to hear that

Look - you can only do what you can do. If your husband's work is taking such a toll on his mental health then he can't afford to stay there - no pun intended. And equally, for your own mental wellbeing (and probably physical health too), you can't afford to put yourself through all this stress!

I know it's really hard to see where to turn when you're trying to pay off debts, eat healthily, manage a social life *and* help carry the load of your other half's emotional needs, so I really hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself!!!

Florence_J

Oh JVR, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

As you know, I know all too well what it is like to be anxious and stressed by work and to be signed off sick because of it.

I wish I could think of something to say, I wish I knew of some advice I could give, but JWPopps is right, you can only do what you can do. Just take each day as it comes (that's both you and hubby).

jvr

Thanks Popps and Flo, really appreciate your messages.


I played with my spreadsheet and being careful with money we could still save for south Africa keep up minimum payments on cc if he was in minimum wage job which has made me feel bit better.
I think the physical reactions to the anxiety is what is really worrying him and making him go to the doctor, I am more worried about what has been going on mentally to cause that.
I knew he was having a hard time, I just underestimated it, he wanted to just quit few weeks ago and I got mad saying I support him leaving but he has to have something else in place, which is what I have always said. I didn't realise quite how bad things were and wish I had sat and really talked to him. I offered to go to the doctors tonight with him which he wants me to, hopefully it means I can make sure he tells them absolutely everything.
I have told him not to worry at all about finances with job, we would work it out and I'm determined that it shouldn't factor in at all for him. If needs be I can turn to family for help but when in that state he needs total freedom to get better, that doesn't mean spending money!! If hes off he can help make cheap meals to keep food bill down

Florence_J

I just want to say something about the various medications that are possible to take with depression/anxiety/stress. I'm not sure if your husband wants to try medication, I know so many don't, but the way I see it is if you have a pain in your heart say, and the doctor prescribes you medicine, you take it don't you? So why would it be any different in you have a 'pain' in your mind. But I know some people have a block on taking medication that is for mental health, I personally would try anything to get better.

There are beta blockers which block the physical symptoms of anxiety, so you take them when you are experiencing things like an elevated heart rate or shaking, because you don't feel the physical symptoms that come with anxiety this makes you feel calmer and more able to cope.

And then there are anti depressants, but maybe it won't get to that stage yet, I think the doctor may usually start someone off on a low dose of citalopram, and then if things get worse they will up the dosage, and if things still don't improve from there then you may be prescribed fluoxitine. This is another name for prozac, but don't let that scare you, the reason why you may have heard of prozac is because of it's popularity and to a certain extent it really does work.

I say a change of job is probably the best thing, but I thought I would talk a little about various medications. I think to a certain extent a person can learn to manage their mental health through other non medication ways, and the reason why doctors are so quick to prescribe pills are because sadly their resources are limited and pills = cheap and quick whereas counselling which is so much better = long and expensive.

Good luck and love to both of you.