Changing habits, wanting freedom

JWPopps

Fingers crossed for the mortgage stuff!!

jvr

Waiting to hear about mortgage hopefully today!


Well yesterday started well.... cycled to and from work just relaxed on my lunch break and then had OH on the phone when I got home super stressed about work (he has been working 9am till midnight for ages now without a break due to assistant manager being away, one supervisor suspended and the other, which is my sister, being off ill) It's quite a long story but he feels let down by her and I feel stuck in the middle. My mood just plummeted because I feel so helpless to help, so I comfort ate chcocolate and ordered a takeway. Neither of which I needed! had a horrible headache and realised it was probably caffeine withdrawal as been trying to cut down and did it too drastically so had a cup of tea and went to bed. Woke up this morning to a nice note from OH saying sorry for taking it out on me, doesn't help that we haven't seen each other in ages due to him working. Still feel anxious that this situation will be blamed on him and he will just quit his job - he threatens to every now and again and I tried to explain how that just makes me spiral with anxiety but hes a very heated in the moment kind of person.
Food shop arrived so should have some tasty/ healthy food in for this week. Emotions are very heightened at the moment and waking up with cramps I realised probably mostly hormonal!
Sun is shining today - going to try and lift my mood and make sure I have the afternoon coffee today! Got the bus in which is £4 but I allow once a week a day of cycling and I would probably have fallen off this morning.


Will fake positivity today until it sticks!

JWPopps

jvr wrote: »

Will fake positivity today until it sticks!

And sometimes that really is all you can do! So sorry to hear you're both (plus your sister) having a stressful time, it really can be so difficult when you've got family sparring around you!!

Honey_Bear

I hope you hear positive things about the mortgage today, JVR. It's about time you had some good news.

I wish I could magic away your worries about your OH's work, and I can quite see why you would be caught between him and your sister but if she's off sick she can't help that. Has he alerted his upline manager about how relentless the extended hours are? Most employers would far rather supply a bit of support and keep a valued member of staff than lose everyone on the team because they're overloaded.

As to the rest of your post, I think you're trying to do too much at the moment and that's ringing alarm bells. One bar of chocolate and a takeaway aren't a disaster, but you needed something last night and that might be an indicator that you're trying to do too much in one go at the moment. You're stressed about your OH's job and trying to support him, you're trying to balance the household spending budget, you're trying to lose weight, cycling to work to save money and now - trying to kick a caffeine habit. It all sounds rather too much for one person, particularly as you've got big events coming up (sister's wedding) and you've been dealing with friends that aren't, if you get my drift which is wearing.

Can you do what we used to do on Happy's thread and decide which, out of all of those, are your priorities this month and just concentrate on those? Once the new habits are embedded you can move on and add one or two a month from May onwards.

For instance, for April, you might just want to focus your energy on supporting your OH and tightening the takeaway budget by stocking up on fakeaways (and that'll help with weightloss).

You can still cycle to work on the days when the weather's fine, still cut back on the caffeine when you aren't stressed and so on, but don't beat yourself up if you allow yourself a bit of self-love if you're feeling stressed or hormonal.

We don't operate well if we think we've failed; we operate well when we're succeeding and proud of what we've achieved. Setting too many diverse targets depletes our reserves if we find we're not living up to 'perfect' standards. Good luck with it all.

SpekySquarehead

Hey JVR. Hope you've heard some more positive news. For the record, I agree with what Honey Bear says.

jvr

Thanks Honey & Speky!


I think your right Honey and reading your post came at the perfect time, I got the bus yesterday and today as was so tired and decided not to beat myself up about it. I can get back on my bike on Monday and still be saving myself money.
Things are a bit better at OH's work and with some staff back he can take some time off. It's a massive relief and I think he may look at changing his job as it is ridiculous the pressure he is under and he is a bit worried about his job there. Trying not to be anxious and just believe will work itself out.
Redid the budget and accounting for everything (I hope) we should have paid off the overdraft with car insurance on and still be paying around £60 a month off the debt and be ready to increase payments a lot by beginning of June. Won't be debt free by December but will be a lot closer to it!
I have an interview for the 9 month maternity cover role at work for the end of April.... fingers crossed as would get a car allowance and enough extra money to alone cover the debt repayment. There is a bit of a reshuffle though of people returning from maternity leave jobs and I wonder if one of the women covering another role might just get it as my work tend to do that but we shall see.


So per Honeys suggestion I am going to relax my goals!
Cycle to and from work (when energy allows aiming for 3x a week)
Cut down takeaways 2x a month
Caffeine keep at rate now about 4 cups a day and not return to having more than that
Lose weight - 5 weeks to the wedding 5lb goal
Running - park run and running club when I am free and not feel bad if can't make it
Yoga 1x a week - was beating myself up for not going more but actually going once a week stretches out the amount work are paying for and can always do a home youtube one


Still lots of targets but all a bit more relaxed and harder to 'fail' at. Can then look at which I am finding easy and which are a real struggle

JWPopps

jvr wrote: »

I have an interview for the 9 month maternity cover role at work for the end of April....

Cycle to and from work (when energy allows aiming for 3x a week)
Cut down takeaways 2x a month
Caffeine keep at rate now about 4 cups a day and not return to having more than that
Lose weight - 5 weeks to the wedding 5lb goal
Running - park run and running club when I am free and not feel bad if can't make it
Yoga 1x a week - was beating myself up for not going more but actually going once a week stretches out the amount work are paying for and can always do a home youtube one

Good luck in the interview!!

As for the goals: very sensible! I will join you on the takeaways x2 per month and no more!!

Honey_Bear

That sounds much, much more comfortable. Parkrun and yoga are both good things to do if you enjoy them, not if you think you absolutely have to. That's the difference in attitude that's needed when you're stressed out. You sound much more balanced and positive about things.

Good luck with the interview.

On a more technical note, have you tried putting together an SOA? Most of the debtfree diary keepers do one and post it so that thread readers can suggest where spending seems to be out of kilter which isn't always obvious when you're in the thick of it. It also means that you'd have to go through your spending (cash and bank) with a fine toothcomb, and that can throw up some surprises.

I'm suggesting it because if you get the maternity cover you've already allocated that extra money to a second car loan. You'll still have those increased outgoings after the maternity cover has finished and you'll need to know where the extra money needed is coming from before you take on the commitment. Just a thought.

SpekySquarehead

JVR - I can't remember the name but there's actually a few really good yoga tutorials on Youtube. I tend to link it up to my TV and join in that way. Highly recommended.

MistyMountainTop

Finally caught up - I hope things are better now, and you've been able to relax and take a bit of time for yourself. This is something I need to remind myself to do, it's so easy to get caught up in the whirl of everything that needs to be done at once and then feel terrible when you can't do it. I've found so many things in Honey Bear's post that apply to me as well...