the aftermath of an affair

Jobo88

Thanks Duchy, However I don't quite think I've got grounds to claim harassment. she doesn't ring often enough, and I haven't asked her to stop - yet. I'll speak to the phone company when I ring and see what they say, though.

busiscoming2

Could she be 'trying' to keep in contact because she is seeing him still and perhaps in her mind she could use you as an alibi if her husband found out? Especially if you seem to 'understand' and as you say are a soft touch?

I'd block her etc and steer well clear.

duchy

Jobo88 wrote: »

Thanks Duchy, However I don't quite think I've got grounds to claim harassment. she doesn't ring often enough, and I haven't asked her to stop - yet. I'll speak to the phone company when I ring and see what they say, though.

You don't have to report her to the police , just say to the phone company you feel harassed because despite you blocking her she still rings with withheld etc.

Jobo88

duchy wrote: »

You don't have to report her to the police , just say to the phone company you feel harassed because despite you blocking her she still rings with withheld etc.

Thanks, think I'll give that a try. worth it if it means i don't have to pay the fee.

Detroit

A possible explanation for her behaviour is that she has not moved on from her relationship with this man (emotionally/mentally, even if she is no longer in contact with him) and her interaction with you is just part of her obsession with him.

You are not only a link to him through your shared experience, but she also seems preoccupied with the idea you may resume a relationship with him, and maybe feels by being friends she can monitor this.

This would explain the sporadic nature of her contact with you, and the absence of any real sense of friendship.

The relationship between all three of you sounds chaotic and unhealthy, and it's not clear why you are remaining involved and giving this so much thought.

This woman is not a long term close friend and you appear to get no benefit from her being in your life.

You could quite easily stop contact with her, and if you want to fully move on from your own bad experience, doing so would be helpful to you.

Marvel1

I feel sorry for her husband.

Pollycat

I can't understand why you persisted with this for so long.

Any friend of mine who sometimes wanted to talk to me and other times ignored me would have been history long ago - and that's a real friend, not some aquaintance who happened to be sleeeping with the same bloke as me at the same time.

I would have stopped all contact after she blocked you on Facebook and your phone number the first time.

I'd have thought staying in touch with this woman would have prolonged in your memory the awful time you had with this man.
Let it go and get on with your life, it sounds like you're ready.
If she's not ready to do that, that's her problem.

.Gigolo_Aunt

So you decided to spark up a friendship with the other mistress of this married man? More fool you.

paddy's_mum

She may be wanting to hold onto you simply because you are the only person who knows the entire situation and understands without further explanation exactly what went on. That makes you the only person she can talk to freely - that kind of shoulder makes you valuable.

However .... none of this is safe or healthy. If I had had my home and possessions damaged/vandalised, you can bet your last penny that I'd be running away from any connection to a man so unstable, amoral and dangerous, and that includes this other poor victim.

Why play with fire, quite deliberately, when you already got badly burned once?

Good luck.

Pollycat

paddy's_mum wrote: »

She may be wanting to hold onto you simply because you are the only person who knows the entire situation and understands without further explanation exactly what went on. That makes you the only person she can talk to freely - that kind of shoulder makes you valuable.

However .... none of this is safe or healthy. If I had had my home and possessions damaged/vandalised, you can bet your last penny that I'd be running away from any connection to a man so unstable, amoral and dangerous, and that includes this other poor victim.

Why play with fire, quite deliberately, when you already got badly burned once?

Good luck.

But that doesn't excuse or explain the blocking of communication then opening it again.

I agree with your last 2 paragraphs though.