Being the only 'OldStyler' in your friendship group.

VfM4meplse

For me OS is about being happy with less, not going without! It's quality if life all the way....and for that you don't need stuff.

monnagran

For all the time my children were growing up I lived in a very expensive and exclusive area, therefore our family were definitely the odd ones out.
I don't think that my neighbours ever knew that I turned every penny over three times before spending it. They put it down to one of my "funny little ways" that I didn't run my own car, made my own clothes and cooked everything from scratch.
The children all seemed to prefer our house to their own palatial surroundings and when it came to things like Guy Fawkes night, they, and their parents, were very happy to come to us with their boxes of expensive fireworks and eat sausages, home made rolls, homemade apple pie and homemade toffee apples.

My DS1 felt very sorry for one of his friends because they were so poor apparently, that their walls were covered with old sacks. The fashion at that time was for wall coverings of expensive hessian, and as the friend's father was an international banker I think it was probably that rather than old sacks.

I never once felt underprivileged or resentful. Oh. Yes, I did once. One Christmas our neighbour's boys came round to show us their new ride-on toys, - a digger, a fire engine and something else. DS2 aged 3 came to me in tears and asked why Santa hadn't brought him a ride-on toy. Was it because he hadn't been good enough?
That broke my heart.

Other than that I can't think of anything I would have had different. Now that they are grown men my sons agree. We certainly never met any prejudice or uncertain situations.

I think that all of our friends take us and each other as we come. If anyone has a problem with that they rapidly fade from our minds.
During the course of my life my fortunes have fluctuated. My friends have not.

x

nightengale

Hi, I have never posted before,so sorry if I do it wrong.... but have always lurked on the forums you have all helped me so much over the years. I wanted to post on this thread because I although I don't have many friends,those I do have are mostly financially rich. My work friend is on her 5th foreign holiday so far this year,and another one was telling me about the prenuptial agreement her family already have in place for her when she decides to marry! Please don't get me wrong as they are lovely people it's just sometimes I find it hard when I meal plan,write lists etc,take my lunch to work,when I'm sitting with my homemade soup and they are eating takeaways talking about places I'll probably never see I do get down sometimes.although I have a wonderful husband and daughters so I am very wealthy in other ways. The worse time was a few years ago when my daughter wanted a joint party with her little friend who's parents are very well off, me and the other mother went shopping for the party food together,I just started putting value crisps etc in my trolley using my calculator as I went, we paid half each at the checkout and she did seem a bit quiet, we filled party bags together as well, on the day of the party as I got out the homemade sandwiches etc she got another few boxes out of expensive crisps,cakes I felt so bad!!! And offered her some more money but she kept insisting loudly it was her treat!!! As the party ended she got out the party bags we'd made and they were double the size!!....I was mortified, so ashamed and embarrassed...although I kept a smile on my face for the sake of my daughter,when we got home I excused myself to the bedroom and had a good cry!!! My daughter who wasn't very old at the time came through and I apologized to her ,she put her arm around me and said don't be silly mummy I had a wonderful time and you should be proud as I know you will always cope without a lot,but if (the other party girls mummy) lost all their money they wouldn't cope at all.....still brings a lump to my throat now....sorry for the long post but it really hit a nerve today.....nightengale....xx

lessonlearned

Ah Nigthengale - your daughter sounds lovely. You must be so proud of her.

I was a poor girl who won a scholarship to a very exclusive all girls grammar school. Some of "the gels" there were very rich indeed. Most of their fathers were either professionals, surgeons and barristers, or something in the city or landed gentry.

I very quickly learned to say that my father "was something in transport" code for a bus conductor. :rotfl: Bless him, I wasn't ashamed of my background but I just learned very quickly how to fit in.

The thing that I did learn though was that often the really genuinely rich live surprisingly modestly, it was only the nouveau riche - the "Johnny Come Latelys" who actually flaunted their money.

The parents who were quietly loaded and who had been for generations werent in the least bit snobby or flash. In fact quite the reverse, they often lived very simply (surrounded by all their beautiful paintings and antiques of course) but they didn't flash the cash. My friends parents welcomed me with open arms even though I was a scholarship girl from the local council estate.

I came to learn that was how rich people stayed rich.;). Most of them wouldn't dream of wasting their money on fancy foreign holidays and flash clothes and cars.

I learned then that appearances can deceive, a lesson that stood me in good stead throughout my career as an EA. I would see clients who rolled up in their fancy cars, dressed up to the nines in their designer gear and discover we couldn't get them a mortgage because they had trashed their credit scores and were in debt up to their eyeballs.

Whereas some of my really rich friends drive beat up old bangers and dress like tramps.

Don't be deceived by what you see as high spenders who seem to have it all. Often they don't. Often they are clueless and in complete denial, living way above their means.

Even if they are managing "just fine" few of them will have any real reserves - how could they they are spending it as fast as they earn it.

Your lovely daughter is right. If her friends mummy lost all her money would she be able to cope as well as you do.

REmember the old saying "money talks, wealth whispers".

My rich friends couldn't give a hoot that I don't have as much money as they do......in fact most of them are just as thrifty and creative as I am. We share recipes and household and gardening tips and none of them think it's beneath them to sniff out a bargain.

[Deleted User]

I am reasonably better off now than I was 50 odd years ago, as I now no longer have children, a mortgage, school fees etc or a huge social life to find the cash for (usually the social lfe was my eldest DDs )

But I still shop more or less the same as when I was broke,not to say I don't enjoy the odd treat, because I do, but I'm not a great one for buying in to the consumer 'must have ' lifestyle.

I was born in the 1940s, and grew up with rationing and austerity of the times. I enjoy making my cash work for me, and stretching things out so I can spend what I do have left over on things that I really enjoy. My grandchildren and my DDs and son-in-laws.To me helping my family out when I can is somehing I like to do.We are a close-knit family and are always there for each other in the good and bad times.

My friends are roughly of the same generation as I am, and consequently are of the same mind set, we too help each other out with passing on things which we have if we can to recycle and reuse as much as possible.

I have friends who are better off, and friends who are having lean times ,but to me irrespective of how much they have in their pockets its how much they have in their hearts that's more important.

They are my friends because they make me laugh, have stood by me when times were tough(loss of my OH, and a couple of years later going through breast cancer and chemo etc).

How much they are worth is of little consequence, they are my friends because I like them, and they are the true friends, as opposed to passing aquaintances

JackieO xx

[Deleted User]

It isn't what you have that counts it's who you are! We have acquaintance across the spectrum of the village from the council houses to the million pound 'big houses' that are the 'affluent' areas. We have kindred spirits who understand why we live our lives the way we choose to from all those areas, the only thing they consider is us being the people we are, we're accepted for that and it's nice! What we have or don't have isn't a factor on either side of the acquaintance!

nightengale

Thank you lessonlearned, I am very proud of both my girls, I've just reread my post and I don't want to come across as being jealous of the people I know as I'm not... they are very kind people....they just don't seem to worry about money!...but as my husband always says "you don't know what goes on behind closed doors" so perhaps it is a bit of a show!!....I do read all the posts on here just to feel I'm normal how I live my life....on a lighter note my eldest girl got top of the class for an assignment where they had to create a week's worth of meals for £20.... it was easy she said!!...nightengale xx

freyasmum

nightengale wrote: »

Thank you lessonlearned, I am very proud of both my girls, I've just reread my post and I don't want to come across as being jealous of the people I know as I'm not... they are very kind people....they just don't seem to worry about money!...but as my husband always says "you don't know what goes on behind closed doors" so perhaps it is a bit of a show!!....I do read all the posts on here just to feel I'm normal how I live my life....on a lighter note my eldest girl got top of the class for an assignment where they had to create a week's worth of meals for £20.... it was easy she said!!...nightengale xx

I'm (very pleasantly) surprised that, that was a school assignment!

The thing is, kids don't care about money or background, or any of our other adult ideas. My daughter has just made friends with a new child in her class, who has just moved here from abroad and doesn't speak much English. They're always playing round and trying to teach each other their respective languages

And they are often far wiser than either their years belie... or than we give them credit for!


I was very definitely the only OSer any of my old jobs. I do it because I hate to waste what resources we have - and have worked hard for! One of my friends (had only worked 4 months, part time in her adult life - she's been a student or 12 years) is very much a spendthrift, always going out for coffees and lunches, weekends away. And had a HUGE wedding. I don't even understand how she can get credit for it

I don't see the appeal in doing that constantly. I spend all my time thinking that we could have gone to one of our houses and saved an absolute fortune. More than a bleedin fiver for a coffee and a cake, I mean!

And don't get me started on the 'friends' who proceed to eat all of the most expensive meals (and three courses, if you don't mind) and drink however many drinks and then expect me to halve the bill when I had one main (I genuinely struggle to eat the portions that you seem to get now a days.. and I've even seen me taking home a doggy bag :eek: :rotfl: ) and a couple of soft drinks. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that neither she nor her other friends were impressed when I said I didn't want to split the bill. I literally had a tenner to last me the week and she's expecting me to fund her face stuffery. I think not :rotfl:

Larumbelle

freyasmum wrote: »

and I've even seen me taking home a doggy bag :eek: :rotfl:

I take a doggy bag home most of the time :rotfl: and I no longer feel any shame! I've paid for that food, why should I feel ashamed for making use of it instead of dumping it in the bin?! I have even been known to take my own tupperware in preparation... Actually, I will admit it, the first time I did it I was mortified, but the staff didn't bat an eyelid, and it was one of my wealthier friends who suggested it - he does it all the time, at even the snootiest of establishments (and he claims nobody has ever batted an eyelid at that kind of place, either).

freyasmum

Larumbelle wrote: »

I take a doggy bag home most of the time :rotfl: and I no longer feel any shame! I've paid for that food, why should I feel ashamed for making use of it instead of dumping it in the bin?! I have even been known to take my own tupperware in preparation... Actually, I will admit it, the first time I did it I was mortified, but the staff didn't bat an eyelid, and it was one of my wealthier friends who suggested it - he does it all the time, at even the snootiest of establishments (and he claims nobody has ever batted an eyelid at that kind of place, either).

I never thought of taking my own tubs!

The places I've been have always been more than happy to put it in a little tub to take home :T But yes, said 'friend' (I must admit, I am starting to wonder!) would always make a comment about it. My reply would always be "I've bought and paid for it, I've enjoyed what I can of it, and I shall jolly well enjoy it later again!".