Being the only 'OldStyler' in your friendship group.

moneyistooshorttomention

My grammar school had amalgamated with the local Secondary Modern half way through my time there - but we still got a lot of "life lesson" type stuff taught us I do remember. One of my most useful lessons ever being one where we were taught to pick apart advertisements to see what they were trying to appeal to in us.

We had contraception lessons and a film of a woman literally giving birth (THE single most useful lesson I ever had personally imo - though I didn't finish it - for obvious reasons_pale_:eek:). I think that one might have been prompted by that unheard of phenomenon in my school of someone getting pregnant....:cool: - and they made sure the boys all watched it too.

shandyclover

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Is there anyone else who is the only oldstyler in your friendship group?

Many of my friends have double the income that i do, since they are married/with long term partners and i am a single pringle.

To get together they all go to Starbucks/Costa, clothes shopping etc.

I don't do any of that, as i am concentrating on clearing my debt and increasing my savings.

It can make me feel a bit like the 'poor relative' sometimes, and also it can make me feel left out.

How do you manage it?

One idea is to say you are trying to be more ethical and green. I have found using the buzz words of 'minimal, green, ethical, less consumerism' etc.etc. help some of my more well-heeled friends understand in a way that actually means they end up admiring my approach to life and some have even confessed privately they feel quite bound by the rat race they have joined and wish they had the courage to get out. I tell them 'I don't want to go shopping as I am really trying to cut down on my wardrobe, how about we go to a local (free) art museum instead? I will happily meet them for coffee, but could we go to the community cafe that supports artists instead, as I like to make sure that my money goes to small local businesses, rather than large tax-avoiding multinationals' - (the community cafe is a lot cheaper, and I always get tea, I prefer to make my own coffee at home, no coffee shop has got it quite how I like it!). Saying these things to friends is not deceptive, as it is true (I am trying to be more ethical), but it is also putting it into words that are understandable. I have in the past been embarrassed by my not being able to afford stuff my friends think common place. Now I am more likely to be embarrassed by ostentatious displays of wealth and unnecessary waste and I am not at all ashamed to say I just don't feel comfortable anymore with excess and waste.

suki1964

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Do people really do that !? That would totally explain the sheer volume of old furniture that seems to get thrown away around here, but seriously!? Furniture is expensive!

My husband is a builder. His speciality is house conversions. Most of his work has been Putney/Fulham /Chelsea / Kensington areas of London. Turning three storey houses in to five stories, doubling the foot print of them with side and back extensions.

His work is first class so it's often he gets work in a road where he's done a house a few months later through word of mouth

He done one house ( million pound job ) and three years later was back working in the road and the house he had done previously had been sold, the whole of the kitchen was ripped out and skipped :eek::eek:

That's about the only thing I miss about living in London , the rich skip pickings

Last night I made tea out of bits we had in the fridge. Whilst in the corner shop getting bread and milk I looked for potato bread and the lass said sorry sold out. I said no worries I'll just have to make it then. Well her face lol. Honestly she was amazed that I could make it, her born and bred here didn't have a clue :rotfl:

If only she knew that during the 70's and me and my sisters were bringing ourselves up alone with just about £7 a week child allowance, dinner was often just a plate of potato bread with marge. Last night we had the luxury of egg and sausages but the taste of those potato breads took me right back to the cold damp kitchen and me and my sister clarried in flour making them

WantToBeSE

I just want to say a HUGE thank you, especially to Mrs Lurcherwalker What a lovely reply. You have all made me feel so much better about being so frugal. Both out of necessity and also wanting to save.

So many of these stories resonated with me. Myself, i had a Dad who worked in pub, but also happened to be an alcoholic. So Mum never saw his wages. She fed us from her measly wages (she cleaned the pub a few hours a day).
I remember her going without food, just so we could eat. And then as things getting tougher, my sister and I shared a meal. And poor Mum still didn't get to eat.

I am fearful of that every happening to me and my children. So although i have debt (which i am paying off) and dont have loads of money, i try and save where i can, and my focus is on paying the debt off so that i can save more money.

I see eating lunch/coffee out at a cafe etc as a total waste of money! Of course 1 every now and again is fine, but no more than a few times a month.

I have a friend in America who is really struggling for money, who has just lost his job..and he sits in Starbucks every morning applying for jobs. He drinks coffee all day...if it costs about $3 a time, he has at least 2 a day..thats $6 a DAY just on coffee!

I dont understand that at all.

[Deleted User]

Keep the faith pickle, you're on the right path and you're OK you are xxx.

WantToBeSE

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

Keep the faith pickle, you're on the right path and you're OK you are xxx.

Thanks. It can be hard when you are surrounded by people who don't think the same way as you.
But i am determined not to be like them..i dont think i could.
I dont envy their lifestyles, i just wish that i didnt feel so carp about it.

But, i am doing what's right for me and my family. I just need to remember that

[Deleted User]

Ever had the thought that YOU are the future and pioneering what they will all in the fullness of time be forced to do too? What a role model you'll be, the day one of them asks just how you manage to do what you do will be a watershed and if you ever needed justification for adapting your life to be the way YOU want it to, that will be it and believe me it's coming fast. I've seen our way of living compared to peak oil in so far as they liken it to a cartoon character running along a road to a cliff edge and then running out on to fresh air without realising it, not looking down but with eyes still fixed on the bright £ signs in the distance, only momentum is keeping them aloft.

I believe it was GHANDI who said live the change you want to be in the world??? food for thought maybe love? xxx.

NewShadow

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I have a friend in America who is really struggling for money, who has just lost his job..and he sits in Starbucks every morning applying for jobs. He drinks coffee all day...if it costs about $3 a time, he has at least 2 a day..thats $6 a DAY just on coffee!

I kinda get it if he doesn't have wi-fi at home or doesn't have to have the electric/heating on because he's using it at costa.

I think there would be cheaper places, but when you're struggling it so also important to keep being outside and around other people - nothing worse than being poor, miserable and alone in a cold flat...

GreyQueen

candlelight_2013 wrote: »

I was a knitter in those days as well and would knit jumpers and cardigans for both DDs, and do you remember when tank tops were in:eek:. I have a friend who lived just in the next road to us and she had 2 boys of similar ages to our DDs, so one Christmas I knitted tank tops for her DSs and she was so pleased. She was in the same situation as us but she didn't knit.

As things improved over the years, what we would do on a Friday, , was to pop into town, to the market, buy our veg and fruit for the week, and treat ourselves to a coffee and a toasted teacake. We really thought we were in the money. To this day she is my bestest friend and our priorities are still much the same.

Candlelightx

Tank tops! Oh, that takes me back. My brother and I each had a matching tank top in broad stripes of navy and burgundy. Beautifully knitted by our very talented mother. I don't expect anyone knew that the wool to make them had come from two separate adult garments, carefully unravelled, skeined, hand-washed and re-wound before re-knitting. They were gorgeous and very much in the fashion of the day.

Funnily enough, I tend to look at a worn-out handknit sweater as a yarn mine for other projects, like the latch hook rugs. I made my first full size rug when I was 9 and it's still going strong.

Nomoonatall

We had to wear knitted tabards. I don't want to talk about it.