Issue with ex denying access to children

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If he's giving her as much as he can afford, he wouldn't have any money to go out 'with the team' or go 'out for meals', would he?

Whether he 'should' be entitled to go out for drinks isn't the issue - the fact is that he's not telling the truthh about giving her all he could if he is still going out.

[Deleted User]

Yes, I am afraid I have been there as the other half. No money at all, little or nothing from the father who was going on holidays abroad, wearing expensive clothes and going out for drinks too.

I am a fairly amenable person but there were times I saw red. I kept 99% of it inside, had to for the kids sake but it did hurt when I was trying to find money for food by searching down the sides of the sofa, having my pleading for some money to help with the kids ignored. I remember his lectures about the joys of shopping in Sainsbury's. Half the time I struggled getting to Netto's lol. Let alone having money for drinks, clothes for myself etc lol. That was an unobtainable lol.

I'm not saying your friend is as bad as this.., but you don't really know why she's going off on one. Not everyone is able to contain the anger. I'm not saying that helps the kids, of course it doesn't but your friend isn't going to list the things they are doing wrong are they? They want you to feel sorry for them and approve of them lol.

Its a fairly standard thing to make the ex sound a bit batty whether she is or not. I know I was when I felt I was bending over backwards to keep things civilised. I did object to him not feeding our son when he took him out though or sitting there watching television for hours at a stretch, ignoring him. You probably wouldn't hear about that, just 'Oh she's off again'.

elsien

From a relative's experience, they had to go the mediation route before going to court anyway. If they can resolve their issues without court then it is better (and cheaper) for all concerned but unfortunately it doesn't always work like that.
Relative got a court order but there are still issues with the ex-wife playing games so be aware that that isn't always an end to it. They need to be able to communicate, however hard that is, for the sake of the children. They may also need to consider holidays, half terms, Christmas and how these will be worked out. In relative's case, this means all his holidays are needed for time with the children, for example. This is not an issue for him, but may be for others, depending on their circumstances.

Sambella

The absent parent should find out what he legally should be paying and pay it. This should stop a lot of arguments.

Theres a calculator online that can be used until an order is in place but ideally the courts would prefer a mutual agreement.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

missbiggles1

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If he's giving her as much as he can afford, he wouldn't have any money to go out 'with the team' or go 'out for meals', would he?

Whether he 'should' be entitled to go out for drinks isn't the issue - the fact is that he's not telling the truthh about giving her all he could if he is still going out.

"What you can afford" has to take into account other expenses, including having a life.

chesky

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If he's giving her as much as he can afford, he wouldn't have any money to go out 'with the team' or go 'out for meals', would he?

Whether he 'should' be entitled to go out for drinks isn't the issue - the fact is that he's not telling the truthh about giving her all he could if he is still going out.

That's not necessarily so, otherwise you'd never see ANY separated fathers going out for a drink or in restaurants. And how does she know what he's doing as he's not living with her.

dcoke

i agree with FBABY on every point they made. As soon as I read OP post I also thought you sounded quiet emotionally involved.

DUTR

Sambella wrote: »

The absent parent should find out what he legally should be paying and pay it. This should stop a lot of arguments.

Theres a calculator online that can be used until an order is in place but ideally the courts would prefer a mutual agreement.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

They are not absent though, they are the non resident parent.

Dill

He should go through the courts to get regular access and report any concerns about the mother's behaviour impacting on the childrens wellbeing to social services if necessary.

Sambella

DUTR wrote: »

They are not absent though, they are the non resident parent.

Correct. Wrong terminology on my part but I'm sure you got the gist of what I meant