Wife having an affair and suddenly asking for a divorce

FBaby

So did you go abroad or not in the end?

Surely if the place is rented, it is not yours any longer if you've moved out. Have you been taken off the AST?

As for not having your DD for a couple of days, this is ridiculous considering your first post stated you'd gone away with her only for a week. Go to the courts and request clear access so you know where you stand and she'll have to stick to these. Get over the fact that she's moved on and is in love with someone else.

bbarroso

The relationship is condemned. It will take some time to get over it, as expected, but now my main concerns are solely:

a) My child
b) My house/belongings

Yes, I am currently abroad and paying my share of the house rent. First because I have belongings inside, second because its a roof for my daughter, third because I still believed all the B* she was saying about asking for a divorce first and then moving in with the guy. Given the short notice my landlord was away the last two weeks before I left, so I could not fill the papers to take my name out.

Whatever the case, she planned this well so I would not be able to act. I found out earlier, but not early enough to be of any use and even then she keeps lying. Can you elaborate on the courts, given that I am abroad at the moment? I Travel to the UK every so often but mostly weekends.

[Deleted User]

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I missed it but think you need to go to http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

or a solicitor on your return to this country. We aren't legal experts, just people on a forum.

bedpotato_2

I don't have any useful practical advice to offer. I can only offer you sympathy. My ex husband cheated on me, too.

I GET SO ANGRY when people say "people only cheat if you're not making them happy" or "there are two sides to every story" or "you probably weren't pleasing them in the bedroom so that's why they went elsewhere"

People ALWAYS say things like that to me when I mention that my husband cheated on me and left me.

I see some people on this thread have been likewise blaming you for your wife's own infidelity.

:mad:

This makes me very angry on your behalf.

EVERYONE, STOP BLAMING THE VICTIMS OF INFIDELITY!!!!

Stop making up excuses for shameless unfaithful spouses!!

Stop assuming that the adulterers must have been "neglected" or "not been loved properly!!!!"

It's not always true.

Some people cheat simply because they are nasty cheating lying deceitful devious scumbags.

End of.

If people are not capable of monogamy and commitment, they shouldn't get married. And if they do get married but then realise they are in love with somebody else, they should at least have the decency to TELL their spouse and get a divorce BEFORE embarking on the new "relationship".

That is what DECENT people would do. But some adulterers seem to get off on the "excitement" of the "forbidden" element of having an affair. They like it because they're not supposed to be doing it. It gives them a thrill.

Adulterers are disgusting shameless people who cannot be trusted.

The only solace is in knowing that your wife's new "relationship" is probably doomed to fail because it was formed on the basis that she is a cheat.

If she cheated on you to go and be with him, she will probably soon cheat on him as well, to go and be with somebody new. Or maybe he will cheat on her. Or maybe they will both cheat on each other and then both be heartbroken, and then they will both know how it feels to be cheated on and heartbroken. Serves them right.

I take a kind of bitter comfort in knowing that my ex husband's new sham of a marriage is likewise doomed to fail, seeing as how he was married to ME when he got together with his mistress, and she was also married to some poor soul at the time. They each divorced their spouses to be together.

Some adulterers may indeed be "neglected" or "resentful" for all I know, but most of them just seem to be merciless shameless heartbreaking home-wreckers with no morals, who get off on the thrill of an illicit affair.

I feel for you and your poor daughter. I hope you can make a happy life and find some form of love and happiness to make a new future. xx

TBagpuss

OP, I suggest that you make arrangments to speak to a solicitor as soon as you are in the UK.

So far as your child is concerned, the issues are practical as much as legal. Legally, you and your wife are each equally entitled tomake choices about where and with whom your child spends time, but on a practical level, if she is with your wife, and your wife doesn't want you to have time with her, then it isn't practical to try force this.

Has your wife said why she doesn't want you to take your daughter away for a few days? You mention that you've been working away a lot and your wife has been the main carer - is it possible that she feels you don't have enough experience at looking after your child on your own?
Is she saying she doesn't want you to have contact at all, or is it the timing which is an issue?

A solicitor will be be able to talk you through what is, and isn't practical.

You may also find it is helpful, separately, to think about counselling to help you deal with your emotional response to your wife ending the marriage - it's hard to keep your emotions separate from the practicalities of agreeing arrangements for your child, and sorting out the practicalities of a divorce and financial matters, but it's important to try to manage it,both for your own sake and that of your daughter.

paddy's_mum

bedpotato wrote: »

EVERYONE, STOP BLAMING THE VICTIMS OF INFIDELITY!!!!

Sometimes the adulterer is the victim, usually of unkind or damaging behaviour by the other spouse.

I agree that having an affair is not the best way to resolve matters but human motivation is a complex thing in which reasoned thought and rational decisions have almost no relevance.

duchy

helcat26 wrote: »

Hi penguin
What I meant was the OP is going out of the country leaving his children with his wife and presumably this new man in her life.
Surely for peace of mind and safety you would want to ensure that he does not have a criminal record or anything like that?

Frankly his wife could be shacked up with a gangster but as he's leaving the country there would be little he could do about it as there is no indication he can or wants to take the child with him (probably as well as he refers to caring for his own child as babysitting).

Unless he intends to give up his job and not work abroad and spend more time with his child of course.

Guest101

bbarroso wrote: »

They are already living together. - Are they or does he just stay stay over? He stays there with her while she goes to work on weekend evenings. I am denied access to my own house - I mustve missed that bit, on what basis? , that is I would have to find my own place should I want to see my daughter.

My landlord cant enter the property without a motive - Yes he can. , so while he's aware of this there's not much he can do (If he tried to evict her he might have legal issues on his hands). - No he wouldn't.

I'm also not allowed to spend a few days of the school holidays with my daughter - Get a child arrangement order. , so I cant take her to spend some time with my parents or in my own place and the cherry on top of the cake, I don't have the right to a divorce unless I go with a layer (no reason why...) at some point in future. - You do, infidelity.

All of the above appear to be more than her fair share of rights towards a relationship that has ended. Obviously she's avoiding the courts to have the child full time, so I'm basically linked to a relationship that doesn't exist.

What kind of legal advice can I get regarding this issue?

Ask the question in a better way and I can assist, but at the minute.

Guest101

bbarroso wrote: »

The relationship is condemned. It will take some time to get over it, as expected, but now my main concerns are solely:

a) My child
b) My house/belongings

Yes, I am currently abroad and paying my share of the house rent. First because I have belongings inside, second because its a roof for my daughter, third because I still believed all the B* she was saying about asking for a divorce first and then moving in with the guy. Given the short notice my landlord was away the last two weeks before I left, so I could not fill the papers to take my name out.

Whatever the case, she planned this well so I would not be able to act. I found out earlier, but not early enough to be of any use and even then she keeps lying. Can you elaborate on the courts, given that I am abroad at the moment? I Travel to the UK every so often but mostly weekends.

You cannot be taken off unless all parties agree, that you, your ex and the LL.

FBaby

EVERYONE, STOP BLAMING THE VICTIMS OF INFIDELITY!!!!

It doesn't have to be a matter of blame and one being fully responsible and the other totally innocent. What some people are saying is that there are many circumstances that lead to someone cheating, and some of these circumstances can be assigned to the other person too.

Yes, cheating is ultimately always wrong, but that doesn't mean that the other person didn't do things that were wrong too, which also contributed the the ill-health of the relationship.