Housing issue and considering a second child

noodledoodle78

Hoping I can get some opinions on my situation.

I live in a small 2 bed terraced house we bought ten years ago (my husband and I).
We are in negative equity to the tune of about £65k. This is preventing us from moving to a bigger house.

We have a 10 year old son and are considering having another child (I'm 38, not sure if that's relevant). My worry is that by doing so we will be relegated to potentially sleeping on a sofa bed and giving up our bedroom for a nursery. Whilst this is ok as a short term measure, is it really feasible in the long term?

I know my little boy would love a sibling, but with a ten year age gap is this too much?

I'm unsure as to whether or not I'm being realistic, or my worries are real concerns and not just excuses if that makes sense. I'm also worried that at 38 time will not be on my side for much longer.

I would love some other perspectives on this, being an older mum, large age gap and housing issues.

Apologies for the ramblings and thanks in advance for your thoughts xx

Carer

Why would you have to give up your room? Surely the baby would sleep in your room until you stop night feeds and then just share with the other child?

noodledoodle78

Yes the baby would sleep in our room initially. My little boy has a small box room and you wouldn't be able to fit bunk beds in it. Also it wouldn't work if the baby was a girl.

Jamiesmum

Any space you could turn into another room? Realistically it's 6 months trying, 9 months pregnant, 7/8 months with baby in with you then even a small box room until the child is 4/5. And of course your eldest will probably need his own space by then but that gives you almost 7 years to potentially be in a new house. So space doesn't need to be the main issue here.

I guess it's just can you afford another? Do you want just 1 or 2 babies? I've a (almost 6 years old) son and I've thought about having another recently but can't do it as I would want 2 in a short space of time, to avoid the lonely stage over again.

By the time your baby is 5 your son will be probably 16+ so don't do it just because a sibling would be nice.

I'm 25 so admittedly have lots of time to change my mind though so don't let my opinion sway you on that one!

Any room for building an extension? Even a side/back utility sized room your eldest could have downstairs.

BrassicWoman

I don't like my sibling at all. Don't assume it'll be welcome company....

noodledoodle78

To put the house into perspective e have a small sitting room and galley kitchen downstairs. We don't have a kitchen table as we don't have the space.
Upstairs we have a small double bedroom, box room and bathroom.
We've had quotations in the past to put an extension on, but because of the drainage system outside the costs are around £30k. Which doesn't make financial sense given the house is currently only worth £60k.

I suppose best case scenario we would be in this position around 6.5 years given the time it will take to conceive and be pregnant for, until my son was 18 and possibly not even living with us/ studying.

Ames

Could you convert the loft?

Although I'm another one who doesn't get on with their sibling.

oystercatcher

Have you priced up a loft conversion?

Although building an extension may not add to the value of the house if you can afford it and it makes it into a home you can stay in and bring up the family you want then that may make it worth it ?

Another option you could investigate is letting out your current home and renting a larger one but this is not without risk and can be complicated.

Moving is expensive , even without negative equity and renting somewhere bigger would also be expensive so it could still be worth altering your current home. It's just worth weighing up all the options and finding the best fit for your circumstances.

Thinking of fertility my consultant told me that after age 40 fertility drops like jumping off a cliff so I would advise making a descision soon.

Spendless

I had exactly this problem. 2 bed MTH in negative equity, house big enough for me and my husband and our baby, but not enough room for a 2nd child. No real options for extending. I was also mid 30s.

The house was owned just by me though which meant husband who earned enough could buy a larger property in his name. We then rented my place out. This was in the days before BTL mortgages.
A few years later our tenants moved out and by then house prices rising meant we were out of negative equity.

[Deleted User]

10 year age gap - I have one boy of 20 and one boy who is 10 years. They don't know any different. It has advantages and disadvantages. My situation is a bit unique because both boys have ASD and I had a baby die inbetween my two sons. So the younger boy was even more wanted than usual. The advantages are my older son is able to pass on his 'wisdom' to my younger son although this is a bit reversed at times as my older son is more affected by the ASD than the younger one. You do still get the sibling arguments though lol. And because the older son is so much bigger than my younger son, you do worry about damage being done, but hasn't happened.It does mean that both son's have done a lot of learning about how to live with someone else, so I consider that an advantage.

As has been pointed out, it will be some time before you have to find space for a new baby to sleep (assuming will sleep with you in your room). This can go on for a couple of years. A loft conversion could work.

I would advise a good merciless clear out to give you extra storage space. That would be the main problem.., where to put all the bits that come with having a baby.

Beckyy

I don't see any issues with the age gap or your age, however would be concerned about the finances/space side of things and would prefer to know that there was a plan for making enough space beforehand personally.