How much planning went into you having children?

Andrew_Ryan_89

Hey guys,

I am curious to know how much planning went into your decision to have or try for children, especially the first child. I always had a plan that I would get the house, get married and have children as soon as possible to "get it out of the way". Everything else I am usual quite financially sensible about and think ahead but when it comes to having children, I pretty much have the "I'll cross that bridge when I comes to it" when it comes to potential issues like house space, finance etc.

I think that attitude comes from quite a few successful women I know of that put baby-making to one side to concentrate on their career and are now regretting not having children and desperately trying to conceive.

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baby_lemonade

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

I think that attitude comes from quite a few successful women I know of that put baby-making to one side to concentrate on their career and are now regretting not having children and desperately trying to conceive.

Yup, nature is not a feminist.

You can have a career at any time, age from 1 to 100. The same can't be said for having babies..

Career women also tend to outsource parenting, even when they are able to conceive.

wendz86

Not a lot . We had jobs but were renting (I still am) and not married. We were quite young and just decided to go for it. I have no regrets.

FreddieFrugal

We got engaged, bought a house shortly after, then got married a year later - had discussed before we got married that we'd try for our first child asap after the wedding. Before we had that conversation we hadn't really discussed having children at all!

Got pregnant straight away - but unfortunately lost our child due to a fatal neural tube defect - anencephaly at 12 weeks. Had a termination.

Started trying again a month or so later - took 6 months. But now we've got a baby boy growing and he's healthy - less than a month til due date.


Think it's always best to start sooner rather than later as you never know what difficulties you may encounter on the way.


I had done budget spreadsheets and all sorts for working out if we could afford a child beforehand. We could - but we also said that there's never going to be a perfect time. We're doing alright, we've got a mortgage that we can easily afford, we've got savings - we both want children so let's just go for it.

baby_lemonade

FreddieFrugal wrote: »

Got pregnant straight away - but unfortunately lost our child due to a fatal neural tube defect - anencephaly at 12 weeks. Had a termination.

Started trying again a month or so later - took 6 months. But now we've got a baby boy growing and he's healthy - less than a month til due date.

Sorry to hear that. Good luck with your baby boy.

spadoosh

Skip to last sentence for short version.

We didnt plan as such but was aware there might be consequences to our actions.

Slightly mistimed the more modern plan in that we bought a house, had a date set for the wedding and then baby was due around the same time as the wedding. Ended up putting the wedding on hold until next year, baby came this year.

Were in an ok financial person, slightly lower than average earnings but very little in the way of debts. Whilst we didnt do a budget for a baby, my philosophy was 'there are many people who i would consider in a worse off financial position (theres a decent amount of flex in our disposable income) and it appears that they manage fine having babies. I cant see why we would struggle'.

When we found out we did a budget based on OH's maternity pay (basically 9 months 1/2 pay) with her being the higher earner and its cutting it a bit fine but we reckon she will be able to take the full 12 months (13 using holidays) and we can decide later if she needs to go back to work. Its the first time we'll be looking a negative cashflow but we think its manageable.

You hear children are expensive and im sure they are, but babies arent that expensive. We received a ridiculous amount of stuff/clothes in the form of gifts and where fortunate in that we could get a lot of good quality hand me downs from family but even still, if we wouldve had to buy everything the baby needs for the first year or so i cant imagine it woudlve set us back much more than £1000. But then again we bought a £1000 pram and loads of stuff that isnt necessarily essential but helpful.

At the moment running costs seem to be about £20 per week (handily exactly what the gov give everyone) in terms of formula, nappies and general consumables (although just found out oh spent £12 on a v small tub of 'special' talc :mad:).

The costs we didnt take into account was the hospital. OH had c section and spent a few days there and also spent a few days before hand going in and out of hospital (people say they know when they go into labour, my OH didnt really, it was just a steady increase in pains over a few days until she went to hosp and said she wasnt going home without baby, think she got fed up of back and forth). At ~£3 per coffee and an unwillingness to go home you kind of get a bit trapped. parking everday and quick/takeawy meals just meant things added up. Then for the couple of weeks after with her unable to do much at all and me primarily watching baby and guests visiting we kept on choosing the easiest options which normally means more expensive.

So long story short, little planning, i suppose a bit of foresight.

System

My first 4 pregnancies were planned but the other two were much loved but not planned. In fact i was in deep shock with my youngest Son.

peachyprice

Had a life, bought a house, had unexpected twins at 30, got married a month before the birth, got divorced, moved house, had planned singleton at 36, remarried at 38.

SingleSue

No plans with eldest, had been told it was a million to one chance of me getting pregnant without intervention due to fertility issues, in the end, it was the one time now ex hubby decided not to wear a condom (he wanted to make doubly sure of no pregnancy until that night). Doctor tried to convince me it was a false positive as he had seen the reports but happily it was a real positive.

Middle son, very much planned. Tried for 3 years, oodles of operations and started fertility treatment before it happened.

Youngest son - not planned at all. He was very determined to be conceived, I had had the contraceptive injection, was breast feeding and now ex hubby was being careful (he had developed an allergy by this point to normal condoms and latex free were not available at the time), the contraception had failed in the tiny window to get pregnant without further treatments. To say I was shocked is an understatement and it led to a lot of very anxious days and depression because of the debacle of middle son's delivery. Don't regret or resent his being here now though.

Had a hysterectomy at age 31 due to the issues and early cervical cancer which was not responding to treatment so no more kiddies after that.

Andrew_Ryan_89

The main issue with us is we came straight from buying a house to planning and paying for a wedding to going though a pregnancy and my fianc! getting a new job.

We discussed back and forth whether she should take the new job now that she is pregnant (we found out after she got offered a new job) as she may not qualify for maternity leave. In the end, she decided to go for it as the stress of staying where she is would be detrimental to her health.

We were planning on trying after the wedding but were told it typically takes a few months of trying. We had 3 sessions then decided to wait until the wedding before trying. Fortunately, and surprisingly, she got pregnant with one of the first and only 3 attempts which were all within a 3 week period.

Worst case scenario, if we couldn't cope financially we could always rent out the house and move in with one of our parents.

clairec79

I would have said not much - a conversation along the lines of 'are you going to stop taking the pill?'

But looking back we'd brought a house the year (ok 4 months I came off the pill in the January) and deliberately brought a 3 bedroom house, for far less than the morgage company would allow so that we could cope with going down to one income, within walking distance of a welsh medium school (had previously said we wanted that style of education for any future children) - so I suppose there was some thought before